Met this girl on bumble and within 3 days we’re out on a date for drinks. Date went great. Spent about 5 hours hanging out and ended back in my car with heavy making out, but she wasn’t down for sex on first date and I can respect that. Spent the next week texting each other trying to set up next date. Agree to meet up on a Sat, 2 weeks after our 1st date. She cancels cause she’s sick but reschedules for the following Monday and I’ll come to her house to hang out with her and her dogs. I bring a change of clothes knowing we’re walking dogs through trails and I might get muddy. I tell her I will take a shower and she says she will too. After showers, we order food and put on Netflix. She’s had a heavy cough, so it makes sense that she wasn’t lying about being sick from couple days prior. We’re cuddling but nothing hot and heavy like the first date (no drinking involved this time). We joke and tease and I get a few kisses, but she doesn’t really wanna kiss cause she says she sick. Over the next week, I only texted her once and she replies, but no real communication. 8 days later I msg and she’s like “oh hey stranger”. I tell her I’ve been busy and we fall right back into texting light hearted stuff, although I’m doing much of the leading. I want to make plans with her for the weekend and she says, she’s busy Friday and will let me know about Sat. Sat she tells me she’s not able to do it cause she had a migraine apparently and I say cool. Sun I shoot her a text saying,How’s your head. She replies that is much better and she is happy I asked. We text through the day and I ask, what we’re eating for that nights game? She laughingly replies saying what I’m talking about, I game her that I’m bringing food for the game that night. She says she can’t do that night but we can do the following game which will be Wednesday. Wednesday comes and we have a great time. I break down some barriers about her past (practically married and got cheated on) we cuddle and make out, and i give her massage, but I could tell sex wasn’t on the table yet. As I depart, she gives me two big kisses and says text her when I’m home. I do. She gave me a container of food to try as well. We don’t text each other Thursday but Friday I sent her a text saying food was good and replies. I later reply, when do you want me to return container. It’s Sunday and she hasn’t texted back yet. Now this girl is 29, is a school teacher, volunteers with fosterd dogs and has a pretty busy life. She also let me know she is a terrible texter from the out set. I guess I’m a bit confused about where we stand. I understand this girl has been seriously hurt before and has her guard up and I’m guessing she’s just playing hard to get. But her communication has been a bit lacking. In total I guess you can say we’ve been seeing each other for a grand total of 5 weeks now, which isn’t very long. We’ve seen each other 3 times in person with the first and third time being great and the 2nd being ok. I’m not gonna text her today and I just want some opinions on what people would do moving forward

I guess you could try concealing your willie in relatively innocuous items and presenting them to her. You could put it in a box of chocolates for example and rest them on a waist high table and stand behind the table, then offer her a chocolate.

Seems you only care about getting laid and she can sense that. Look at it from her point 9f view. Try inviting her out on a real date. Sounds like she is giving you chances to come up with something besides trying to get in her bed.

Playing hard to get is a mind game.


Personally, I'd stop trying to read into the "relationship" and focus on what's actually going on.

I mean:

If it was me, and I only saw someone 3 times in more than a month, I would probably stop seeing them.

Especially if our great claim to bonding was walking her dogs, watching t.v., and potentially getting sick from her.

Of course, being the type of person I am there would be no "texting throughout the day."

I would limit communication to dates, and setting up dates.
Then actually make talking and communicating on dates meaningful.

I have no desire to have a relationship primarily via or with my phone.

If they're such a busy person they can't really date except a couple times a month, plus they say they're a horrible texter or whatever so there's no real interaction going on between those sporadic and few times, I would find someone else.

That's what I would do "moving forward."
I would actually look to "move forward" rather than be nowhere after more than a month and wonder "where I stand."
(as a side, when people need/want to know "where they stand" it means either they're insecure, communication sucks, or some combination. If communication sucks realistic compatibility is a huge concern as well as willingness by both parties to want to learn how to communicate effectively with each other).

Other than that, back to:

People can play mind games without realizing they are playing mind games.
And without decent communication, pretty much everything is mind games.


IMO what would be interesting or relevant to know is what makes the first and third time great, the second "ok" or what detracted from the 2nd lessening it to "ok."

From the OP the only information I have on the girl is:
1. She's sick a lot.
2. She's busy.
3. She's cuddly and kissy.
4. Deeper conversations seem to revolve around her past relationships.
5. She might not be that interesting if her contribution to dating is her couch, her t.v., and her dogs.


Realize there is no moving forward.
Based on the extremely limited information, any time I have ever found myself in that situation, the relationship is simply thus:
We both just want to get laid.
She wants as much validating pseudo relationship communication to make the sex the most pleasurable and least guilt ridden with it ending being my fault.
I would just want as much sex as possible before getting bored, the honeymoon phase wears off, and I want someone I can actually develop meaningful communication with.

Based on the little information there is, moving forward, I would realize that this is going to be a very short term relationship, and I'd figure out if I really want to deal with that, get what I can from it, or not.

Maybe she just wants an activity partner, Not a man for sex.

Women want compatibility sometimes More than sex. You know, a friend, someone to enjoy doing things with.

Unfortunately some men, put sex as most important in forming a bond.

you are too much dude! give her time and space.maybe it was one time thing for her but you are still clinging. You just met and you are wondering where you are at? wow!! you come thoguh too needy and she might be turned off by that. let her take the initiative for once and if she doesn't you get your answer! LEAVE HER ALONE!

Five weeks is not so long. Some move faster than others. If you really like her, you could try going her pace for awhile. Pressuring her will only drive her away.

As far as her time constraints and inconvenient illnesses go...we have all had bad/hectic months. If you read into it, you could chase yourself away.

A little patience may be required, but you won’t know until you try. Good luck.

People with busy lives need time, as do people with doubts and worries.
Maybe a little of 'hard to get', probably not playing games.
Don't count the time unless it goes into too many months.
Patience, but not too much distance, else she thinks you are giving up and looking elsewhere.

if she told you she is a terrible texter shouldn't that be a clue?

you say she was sick and you seem to have evidence of that and everyone timetable for recovery differs

Your dates? one date out and two at her house to hang out?

first date making out in your car? really classy.

Here is an idea why dont you call her you know talk to her live, maybe she is the type of individual that prefers live conversation vs texting.

Here is another idea why dont you take her out when she 100% healthy.

Its not a matter of playing games its a matter that you're clueless because your communication styles are different.

If you keep it up what you're doing dont be surprised if she throws you head first in the dreaded Friend-zone.

She's not interested if she balks at ANY step, in this order.

If she says no, or makes excused, believe her and move on.

By the way, this is not valid for women, as things work better when the man is pursuing.
(in my 45 yrs of dating, most of the time being the forward one. Equal rights doesn't translate well to romance. We have different brains.)



He’s just not that into you if he is not asking you out

He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you

He’s just not that into you, if he’s not dating you

He’s just not that into you, if he is not having sex with you

He’s just not that into you if he is having sex with someone else

He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk

He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you

He’s just not that into you if he is breaking up with you

He’s just not that into you if he has disappeared on you

He’s just not that into you if he is married (and other insane reasons)

He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish Jerk, bully or real big freak



~~~~~He’s Just Not That Into You - Greg Behrendt.

aahhhh , I knew Ive heard this story before.

same answer in your other thread

She's not interested

when a woman is interested you will know it with no doubts.

time to move on.

Is it just me or all the entertainment was a ball game. In my last relationship, we were about 50-50. As it turned out, 50 percent of my end was way to much. You have to put her ahead of yourself and instead of texting, try calling her on the phone. If she seems not willing to talk on the phone, she doesnt want to have anything to do with you.

laughing .. surely she will just grab the box leaving his other gift on table nice some of the schoolboy pranks are making a come back

I think you are going too fast and she's saying SLOW DOWN!!!

and stop texting too much. Get a hobby.

Good answer Rosie, especially the capital letters!

lol I'm glad you liked it, Poetry