Consider this...
Only you really know you.
Only you truly have the power over how you think and feel.
You can never start over but you can adjust your life to focus on your own contentment.
Your experiences in life, good AND bad are what give you wisdom.
Use that wisdom to make better choices in the future.

Journaling does help sort feelings.
Start a diary, do a pros and cons list, write a letter to your future self.
It will allow you to objectively address your feelings.
Make sure you honestly list all your feelings, negative AND positive.
Once you have it all written out, reread it and make a list of things you are willing to do to change the negative feelings and reinforce the positive ones.

Remember that depression reinforces itself. It feeds on negativity and causes more negative feelings in a downward spiral.
You gotta break the pattern and never allow it to gain control again.
You gotta stop beating yourself up over your mistakes.
Mistakes are important lessons that must be made in order to learn.
Learn from them and make a conscious decision not to make them again.
When you repeat mistakes, there is something you didn't learn.

Using professional counseling is only effective if you can be honest with yourself. Removing your delusions is the first step to self-honesty.
The next step is taking back your power to run your own life.

You exist in the present.
You can't change the past and the future hasn't happened yet.
Since you exist in the present realize that the only thing you can 'do' is in the present.

Use the wisdom you gained from your past to act in the present to assure a better future.

You can remember the memories. If a bad memory pops up, ignore it.

Playing the "what if?" game of the past leads to ruminating.

It is using the Distress Tolerance skills of DBT -Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Dbtselfhelp org

You might want to try an old fashioned trick .. take the guys photo .. put it in front of you on the table .. light a candle .. turn on your favorite music and start talking to him.
Tell him about all the precious and sad moments you've had together .. all the love.
Tell him that you still love him so much that you're ready to let him go .. just to show your true love .. make peace with him and yourself.
Now take the photo and burn it!

Your joy won't go anywhere .. you will still have all of your precious memories, if you're able to see the brighter side of life.

Otherwise "The easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else" seems to be a good advice.
Keep yourself busy with any kind of exciting activities and hobbies and start looking for a new acquaintance right away

Keep this mantra when you miss him or think of him : “he doesn’t love me , he never have and never will. I should love myself more and realise I should love myself better by moving on. “

Of course. You should love yourself, otherwise you can't love others, because you dwell in blaming yourself. And if you get positive feedback from a new person, who comes into your life, this would be another sign to let go the past

I try to love equally concerning a mate.
Meaning I love her as much as I love myself.
If I don't 'feel' that, I move on.

Healthy self-esteem is not self-absorbed.
Narcissism is being self-absorbed.

Healthy self-esteem is being able to respect others as much as you respect yourself.
If I "break up" with a woman I try to leave her with self-esteem.
I'm more likely to say something to alleviate her self-loathing than to point and tell her everything wrong with her.
I leave her with hope and esteem because its the right thing to do.
I try to give her encouragement and will offer assessment of her assets with a positive slant.
This allows her to accept my rejection without feelings of resentment or feelings of inadequacy.
After-all, I chose her at some point.

Great advice on this topic. Personally, time heals all wounds and then finding someone new. It will take at least 6 months to stop feeling the intense pain. Give yourself that time to heal. The pain will not magically disappear suddenly but gradually. After that, finding a new love and an upgrade from the one you had before will make it all better. I just upgrade from my last man and find an even better man. And I never look back.

That is very classy, mature and gentlemanly of you. More men need to have that maturity, emotional strength and character. Many are overgrown, immature fools who have low self esteem issues and insult women to make themselves feel better or insult women because they cannot handle rejection. It has been a major turn off for women.

I generally respect people.
I know first hand what rejection feels like.
I also know I am not a 'usual' person.
I'm pleasingly weird.

I gain wisdom by learning from my life experiences.
My personality baseline is good, positive and optimistic.
(Except when I am assessing possibilitys in general)
Many people tend to expect the worst.
I love seeing the expressions I get when I treat people with respect that is unexpected.
It warms my heart, makes me feel good.
Why spread misery?

Is it ok to look for love again? If i'm still in the process of moving on? Is there really a 3months rule after break up?

Acceptance is the Key

You don’t use time to count feelings

Absolutely! .. start looking little by little right now .. it will take a time anyways to find a one to go on with ..
And there are no rules or whatsoever .. it's all about how do you feel .. all the choices are yours

Only time will tell.. but you have to accept the fact that things are over now, keep yourself busy and make friends :)

Rules when it comes to falling in love? No bleedin way. I made it a rule, to never show any more feelings three years ago, but it all came completely different

It's mostly an issue of control and motivation.

When you "love" someone your brain is rewired to emotionally associate with them all things that have become your routine, your norms, your standards.

In order to "let go and move on" it means you have to change.

When you date someone you incorporate them into your life, adapt to theirs, learn new and reinforce established routines, habits, tastes. To the tiniest level. Like when you go to the bathroom, how you decorate, movies you watch, foods you like.

So pick something new and enjoy it. You enjoy it by being focused on what you're doing.
Find something you can actually focus on.
Learn to fix lawnmowers. Learn to make jewelry. Read about astrology.
Make a goal of trying new restaurants and seeing if they're better.

Do something you haven't done before, especially if it makes you a little uncomfortable doing it (e.g. see movies or go to dinner alone).

Trigger your brain to believe it needs to change, eventually the pleasurable motivation will come to get it to do so, then you will establish new norms and memories, and reassociate the old ones to incorporate the new information/reality.

Going on the internet and social media is probably the worst thing you can do to actually "let go and move on," because all you're really doing is sitting there staring at a screen wallowing in your own head, what you've already done.

Change begins by actually changing, forcing yourself to do something you may not think you like in the moment but doing it anyway until there is some expertise where you can try to look at it objectively and realistically rather than emotionally, where you have to figure out better/more efficient ways of accomplishing something.


IMO not as worded. But IMO it's never ok to "look for love."
Look for people and pay attention to who they are.
Not a personal emotional goal.
IMO looking "for love again" is little different than asking something like "okay, I'm kicking heroin, is it okay to look for a different drug now?"


No, there are no rules. There are no guarantees either.
The "process" of moving on isn't like the "process" of baking a cake where you can compartmentalize it and be all "okay, give me a sec, just need to get it into the oven, set the timer, and I can completely focus on you/dating/love until it goes off, then I have to go take it out, and I can come back once it starts to cool."