now ya know,, what happens when the mom wont let the dad see his kids,, is that his fault,, cause if you think so thats a damn twisted view. i have an ex that is money hungry and dont give a damn about hurting whoever she has to to get at me. i pay my child support, and have done what i can, part of the reason that im dealing with the bullsh1t i am right now, but you saying you wont date a man that dont have his kids half the time,, well,, thats bad on your part. there are some good men out there who do what they have to,, and its never enough for their ex.

Don't take what I say so personally. I'm jaded. Both my first and second husbands are dead beat fathers. My childrens father really did a horrible number on my kids. He abandonded them not once, but twice. He's ordered to pay support, but rarely does pay it. He has two other children with the women he left us for, and he barely takes care of them. My second husband has one son with another woman. He pays child support as long as he has a job. But for the most part he's a drug addict and alcoholic who occassionaly visits his son. His son's mother isn't much better, though. And I realize that yes, there are some good men out there, who are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to being a father. However, you have to agree, in America, this is a country where dead beat dads are plentiful. The good father is rare to find. And no the "deadbeat" title isn't just for fathers. I've known quite a few deadbeat mothers. However, compared to the deadbeat fathers, there are way more deadbeat fathers than mothers here in America. Sorry if this offends you, but it's the truth.

and the system we have is set up for a woman,, not a man,, in my state they are completely against a man from the start, dont matter what a mother does short of killing a child,, the dad is very very rarely ever looked at as the better parent. my ex has a criminal history, and mental problems,, and they think shes fit to have custody of my daughter. and me,, if i miss 1 payment they will lock my ass up. men get the short end of the stick alot and no one really cares cept the ones it happens to. some may not care,, but im diffrent than alot of others.

like i tell my kids mom, if the kids are keeping you from dateing or what ever it is you do then give me custody ill take them

Just some advice... quite your b-itching... get a lawyer... fight for visitation, joint custody, or full custody of your children. When it comes to your children a parent will do anything and put up with anything to be with them... I know I did when my children's father did an about face and tried to take my children away from me.

I left my alcoholic and drug addicted second husband and was moving out of state from Ohio to Pennsylvania. My divorce decree to my first husband stated that I couldn't take my kids out of the state of Ohio without petitioning the courts. My first husband found out I was leaving and said he would take the kids off my hands while I got settled in PA, while he would try to heal the damage he did by neglecting them all those years. I so wanted to believe him.

He ended up taking me to court, telling the court he wanted full custody on the basis that I abandoned the kids by going out of state. I traveled a little over 400 miles every weekend to visit my children (because the judge "granted" me visitation rights) to try and heal the even deeper wounds my exhusband was inflicting upon my children by telling them I was leaving them. He was also physically abusing them while they were in his custody.

Before the judge made his final ruling, my exhusband begged me one weekend to take them back with me to PA so he could get his "family" back together. It seems that his wife took their two kids and left and said she wasn't "comeing back until those d-amn brats were gone." The judge granted him joint custody. That was over 5 years ago. He's had absolutely no contact with my kids ever since. No calls, co cards, no letters, nothing.

So, if your kids mean so much to you, quit your b-itching and do what you need to do to be in their lives. Be that good father that you are obviously trying to convince me that you are. You don't need to convince me. You need to convince your kids.

i dont b1tch,, i state fact, thats why i dont post alot of things about it, i fight for what i have to, and am fighting, but, if you didnt realize, courts can be really slow. dont judge me,, you dont know me. all im sayin

I would date a man with kids, but he has to be willing to have more, I would like one of my own some day!

Ok now I take offense to that. I've got a criminal history. I've had many misdemeanors against me... everything from domestic violence to firearms charges. I have several mental illnesses... Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and PMDD. My children have mental illnesses... Bipolar, ADHD, and PMDD. Such things don't necessarily make you a bad parent. The criminal charges just mean that you've made some bad choices, which we've all made bad choices in our lives. The key is do we learn from our mistakes. I know I have. And having a mental illness doesn't necessarily make us a bad parent or incapable of being a good parent. Severe mental illnesses can inhibit you from being a proper parent. But many people all over the world suffer with mental illnesses and yet are successful parents.

And you know the first thing I here out of noncustodial parent's mouths is them *****ing about how they have to pay child support, how much child support they have to pay, and how they are threatened with jail time if they don't pay that child support. Is your money more important that making sure your child(ren) have everything they need? It takes a hell of a lot of money to raise a child. Sorry if a child is a leech on your wallet but it takes money to raise a child.

but since youw ant to judge someone,, and you told me to quit b1tching, you apparently dont want to hear that she did her bad choices with my daughter present,, but i guess that dont matter,, and she has shook my daughter,, i doubt youve ever hurt yours,, dont think i am just saying something cause of me payin,, cause ill pay whatever i have to,, i dont give a damn bout the money, but if i get locked up,, hows she gonna get it? dont blow up at someone till you have the whole damn story. theres alot more to what i say when i say it.

But it's ok for you to judge me? You judged me saying... "...thats a damn twisted view...thats bad on your part." What we have here thumper is two people who have been through a world of sh!t and are very passionate about our thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Get two people like that together and there's bound to be fireworks. I wonder what that would be like in bed.

Hmmm...DOES seem women are more accepting to this....men with children. I can understand in the culture, WHY that is. But do not confuse it with the absolute. There ARE men that do not have a problem with it...or perhaps with older children. Who knows. Everyone has their reason. But hmmm....the man that referred to children as baggage? You could have called that one a little better, buddy! Hmmmm...though I do not have any little kids....I would definitely astro blast you off the list. You are a wee bit young...maybe YOU are someone's baggage? LOL.

i aint judged you,, thats not my place,, i was stating my view. everyones entitled to their own thoughts,, thats what makes us human. i was sayin i belive you should actually take the people case to case,, dont generlize. and with the courts im saying whats been done to me and my brother. we both have been screwed. and they do nothing about it. but if we do anything we get burned hard and without remorse. so i sta on top of what i need to do. now im waiting for the court to decide that they need to back up what they ordered. all im sayin. you dont have to agree with me, but thats the way i look at it.

If I was blowing up, you'd know it. This is me... the outspoken b!itch. I'm not angry. No I don't think anyone would "like" to hear about hour your child is abused. However, if you need to vent, I'm here. I'll listen. No, I haven't directly hurt my children. However, I've indirectly hurt them by staying with abusive men and putting myself in certain situations that get myself into a world of trouble such as illegal drug use and abusing alcohol. However, I've stopped all that type of behavior, thankfully.

see,, im the type i wont even smoke a ciggarette around my daughter, let alone drink or anything around her,, and i wont let anyone else either. i wont put any risk around her. shes my world and i wont let harm come to her if its in my power. this is why im fighting like a pitbull with her mother. and as far as you being a b1tch, thats all you,, do what works for you.

Hey True, dating women with children is hard on every one with a break up ! Life is a leasson from birth,one after another ! I have dated a woman with children and i did like and care for her children as Friend's ! Sorry to say we didnt work things out because of her prior relationship(s),so now i dont even communicate to her children at her request ! To bad i think, all children need friends of all age's its a nurturing proccess in thier development ! and yea i do miss them also !

when my kids were little that topic did bother me, now my girls are young adults and I understand why guys were reluctant to date me,
I now just want to date someone who has the free time i do,
I love kids and in the right situation would love a child as my own
I just want to b able to travel with my mate and just go to movies, dinner etc,
when you have little kids you r more tied down,
children are gifts, not baggage,

Yeah I'm with you. My children are young and are at the age where dating is near impossible.. (work is almost impossible for that matter) If I werent so lonely Id be content with putting off dating for the next 3 years just so I dont have to go through the drama of figuring out how to juggle a relationship with young children.

But I also feel that relationships should be built not jumped into... Ive had a series of very bad relationships.. so the word is just plain evil right now. (I think I'm cursed) So meeting someone just to meet them and learn them.. so when I am ready to move forward we can- is ideal..most likely when my kids are older.

A woman who has children is also a human being. Most human beings have desires and one of those is to not be alone.

from personal experience

and reading the post and profiles

(i am a mom and my children are
and aways will be the most important
people in my life)

sorry big turn away line

nothing wrong with having children

but your children will grow up

and probably move away with someone they love

and guess what mom

yer not the most important in their life anymore

the person you chose to be with is supposed to be the

most important person in your life (bar none)

your children are very special and very important

and need to be treated properly (no doubt and should not need said)

but they will grow and move away

and they need to see a combined front

if the children are most important

then what happens a the times they act up

sorry moms

most important is a bad attitude

---------

insert running to hide emoticon here

It's hard to date someone with kids, speaking as someone with a child. I don't date around my daughter, until it becomes serious, she has only met one of my b/f and I have had 3 since I seperated from her father.

My issue is that I am a very strict parent, and if the guy has wild undiciplined children, it is a total turn off. I think about the future, what if I married or lived with this person, how would our parenting techniques work? If I'm strict and he is a pushover, his kids will be the spoiled ones and mine will be Cinderella....and she is mine.

I do perfer men without kids, and I know that is hypocritical.