I find it kind of frightening when I think about the possibility of dating a woman who already has children. I love kids and I'm a compassionate guy, so this isn't an automatic turn-off for me. It seems very daunting to me, though.

For one, it feels like I'd be taking on fatherly responsibilities prematurely. I am looking forward to being a father someday, but if my partner already has children, then I'll need to be a father figure as soon as the relationship becomes serious. I always expected that I'd be married for a year or two before shouldering those responsibilities.

It also highlights a disparity of experience. I've never even had sex, so it feels awkward trying to pursue a relationship with a woman who has not just had sex but who has borne one or more children.

One of the women with whom I'm communicating now has three kids. I would feel dastardly shutting her out, but I'm really afraid of what a relationship with her might mean.

If you feel that way stick to your guns but to be honest it will be hard finding love at your age , and the woman not having any kids, but good luck , be safe

I would recommend fearlessly stepping into those unknown lands to explore and see what you can learn from it

I say do what you're comfortable with because ultimately, if you settle for something you're not sure of...you're going to be unhappy. I'd rather be in a happy lonesome than a miserable relationship that I have to likely hurt someone to get out of...even if you're just dating and you decide that you can't do it, it's still going to hurt the person. I dated a guy who had kids and it wasn't bad because if you love kids, you just like 'em and have fun with them and the parent gets to do the discipline; later you'll step in some....the hard part is the ex...whether they're a jerk or not. best wishes

When I was younger, 19 or 20 or so, I was involved in three consecutive relationships with older (2-5 years older) women who had kids.

In every case, the women were not looking for a relationship at all. They were simply looking for someone to come in and play daddy.

The biggest problem for me was that, in any dispute between the mother and the child, I more or less automatically sided with the kid. Maybe this is natural when you're 19, I don't know. But it did cause some issues!

I eventually learned that I had no aptitude for, nor interest in, being a parent.

So, I made a choice not to date anyone who had kids. And, yes, it does limit your options. But I have friends who have kids, and I see what they have to deal with, and I know that's not for me, and never will be.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with exploring the options, though. You seem like a guy who might do well in that scenario. Clearly, you're aware of the positives and negatives, but they're all hypothetical until you actually make that step. But I would give it a LOT of thought and consideration.

And talk to her about it, too. I mean, seriously, in depth. She needs to know all of this, so she can help you deal with the unfamiliar terrain, should things end up going in that direction....

hummmm...not sure how to take the last comment on ladies looking for a daddy for their kids..Im a single mom of two wonderful children and I manage just fine taking care of my kids.I do not need a daddy for them they have one..but I do not think I should have to stay single for the rest of my life just because things with their dad didnt work out..Most single parent families have strong relationships with their kids and just want someone to date and see where it may lead not to take over the role as dad right away..I wouldnt want the guy I date to charge in and play dad ,but more like be friends with my children...if you dont like the fact the lady you are talking to has children be honest..Please be honest because its not just the lady and yourself that gets hurt its the kids..Please be sure you want to try at the relationship before going any further..The kids have already had one issue with a man figure dont make it another..I find it hard to date beacuse of that reason..Its hard to bring someone in that might walk away from my kids..I can handle a man walking out on me but my kids deserve better and im sure the other ladies out there feel the same...I wouldnt have an issue with dating a man with kids single dad or not its all part of it...I know there is a age differene in us but at 26 most ladies are not virgins weither a child has came from it or not...If you cant go into it whole hearted and non judgemental stay out of the relationship...Follow your heart and your personal morals and goals in your life and youll be fine...If you want to continue the relationship with the lady youre talking with just keep it slow and be honest with her...talk things out with each step you take communication is key when children are involved....

Bttrfly -- When you wrote "hummmm...not sure how to take the last comment on ladies looking for a daddy for their kids," I was summarizing my own personal experiences. Not sure there's any need for you "take" it any way at all, since it doesn't apply to you.

Please keep in mind that "In my experience...." is a far cry from "Every woman always does...."

In my experience I repeatedly get burned by women with children. That's in my experience.

In my experience I repeatedly get burned by women with children. That's in my experience.

it wasnt personal..didnt know how you meant it and now I do...But youre right not all ladies are like that..I myself am way different..I raise my kids no child support no nothing from the dad...But my kids have me...Im sorry some relationships you had didnt turn out and I respect your opinion ....I wish you well with dating....

Another HOT topic!

This is my first experience dating with kids. I've already made the decision that my dates are not going to meet my kids anytime soon. I'm not looking for a father-figure, I'm looking for a friend and for companionship. AND, like someone said earlier, their Dad already ran out on them, I sure don't need some 'new' fella doing the same thing. I've also seen lots and lots of step-families that are a disaster, and I don't want that for my kids either. I probably won't get married again, and I definitely don't want a man living under my roof until the kids are gone. Cold hearted b*tch, aren't I??? Nah, I feel like I'm protecting my kids.

I love my kids dearly, but they aren't my whole life. And they won't be under my roof forever. But I will say having kids changes the whole dating experience.

Btw, my exerience in this realm is SHORT!!

I have never dated a man with children, but I wouldn't let that stop me if I met someone who did.

not ALL women who have kids are looking for a new father figure. at least i know i'm not. i would rather have someone that wants to be with me regardless, yet i'm not going to let a man come before my children either. if that makes any sense, lol

Well, first of all, I can say that not all step parents (future ones for you guys) are not all bad. My Mom divorced my biological dad when I was one. She met my step-dad when I was 3. They got married when I was five. This man is my dad..not my step dad. He helped to raise me and has always considered me son. Just putting that out there first.

If I date someone with children, I will understand that while the relationship is about me and her, I also know it is a package deal.

i have 2 children who are the most important things in my life...if i were to start dating someone they would not even get to meet my children unless i thought out relationship was serious and heading somewhere....having children is not like i have a plague...you need to rehink your thoughts about someone with children....just cause they have no father because he passed away does no means mean i am looking for a new father for them...i am their mother and father and theyre happy with that.

i adore children, and i would love my own, but i do have endometriosis so could be harder. however i dated a guy, who had 3 young chldren, and it wasnt for me. having your own children is totally different to raising someone elses children. but i did try, and if i did meet the right man for me and he had children i would try again. if i dated a man who had a very young child, like 5 months old, for me it would be easier, as the child would now you, for me it was hard just stepping in when they didnt know me. so i guess ive got missed feelings.

Maybe you should state you only want to date a virgin.

amen sister!!!!

LexFonteyne:

As a divorced mother of two, who has dated for years now, I have never...ever...looked for a "father replacement figure" for my children. Those kind of women shouldn't have had kids to begin with. It is possible for women to raise children and date too without the man assuming she wants him to role play. Also, even before I had kids, I chose not to date men who hate them. After I had my two, I've definitely preferred to date men who have kids because it shows they aren't selfish, that the know how to love and much more.

why???

im not saying i wouldnt, im saying i found it difficult, and i would be willing to give it another go.

geeez be fair, thats my opinion, no need to be rude