i would also like to say i tried, and i would again. some people arnt even willing to try. my sister has got a beautiful little girl, and no guy is interested in a relationship with her because she has got a child.

so have respect for people who try, its not for everyone.

In my experience I repeatedly get burned by women with children. That's in my experience.

hi longhairbiker

virgin + virgin = very big awkward mess

lol

I'd like to chime in on this if you guys don't mind. When I was married previously, I had the unique perspective of BEING a full time, raising-them-practically-by-myself step mom to two awesome, but troubled, little girls. From that experience, I gained the perspective that I plan to apply to any future dating relationship I have. It is in NO way, in my opinion, the responsibility of the man I am with to RAISE my sons. They have a father, and absolutely do not need another one. And it's simply my job as their mother to RAISE them...and everything that goes along with that. All I would ever ask of whomever I am with is that they be a good influence and role model for my children, knowing that all the pressures and responsibilies of being a parent to them falls on me, and only me.

Debbie:

Not you, that was for the man that started the thread.

ChiefPUA:

I don't miss the virgin days. Not one bit.

Okay. I will probably get blasted for saying this, but I don't really give a **** either. So here goes.

I understand that if you are a single mother, even if the father is in the picture or not, and you have custody of your kids, then you are the parent. But if you date and you meet a man who is going to end up becoming more than just a date, let's say a possible husband, then that man has to do two things. First, he has to accept your kids as part of him. Sorry, but if I get involved in a relationship with a woman who has children, and things progress to the level of seriousness, then the kids are going to become a part of my life. Not saying I or any other man would be the "father". But I would become a parent to some degree even if there Dad was in the picture. If me, her and the kids are all gonna become a family, then they have to learn to respect me. I have to learn to adapt to, and show them that while I may not be there father, but I am an adult figure. I will have to earn there respect too. Guess you can call it a two way street.

Second, is that I will always feel that the man is the head of his house. Now, I do not mean this in the caveman "Ugh! Woman. Go get beer and tells kids shut up." kind of sense. I mean that he is supposed to be "The Man". He works with those in his house but he also knows that the final choice is his to make. He works with his partner to make the right decisions. He helps to bring up the kids the best way he can, being there for them, raising them as if they were his own, but always respectful of those he is looking after.

Yeah, blast me cause I don't have kids. However, I have helped to raise nieces and nephews, and when they were with me in my house I taught them the best I knew how. I never went against anything there Mom and Dad were teaching them. But I also made damn sure they respected me. Not once did I ever have to spank or yell at them. I made it clear who was in charge, and I was never talked back to. That's why I was always the cool Uncle. Cause the kids knew that play time was done once Uncle Goof got pissed. In any case, my point is, while I can see why you feel that "you" are the only parent, if another man comes into your life, it is going to change things. You will have help. And a good man will want to be another "father figure" type person to your kids. That's all I am saying.

I certainly have no intentions of blasting anyone - you are most certainly entitled to your thoughts on the matter. And I agree with lots of what you've said. And if a man CHOOSES to accept that responsibility that you've outlined, that is certainly a whole different story. My perspective is from the fact that I was in a relationship where I wasn't honestly given a choice and was very much so EXPECTED to just raise children that I had no expectation of ever raising (nor really the know how to raise to be honest - I didn't become a mother myself until later). It was an unfair pressure that ultimately played a role in our divorce. Surely not the main role, but A role. He had NO intentions of helping. I literally did it all for them....disciplined them, dealt with his exes parents on his behalf, etc. It was an insane load for the non-parent in the relationship to bear. And I simply don't ever intend to force a man into that same pressure I felt. I'm all good being a single mom, and will surely only date men who I wouldn't mind allowing to assist in parenting...but if they don't choose to, then from my experience, I would be understanding of them just being involved in my children's lives in a positve way that is pleasant and comfortable for us all.

LOL, you can have sex and not have children. It's called birth control? Anyway, I don't date guys with kids either, and I make no apologies. Everyone has a right to date who they are comfortable with and if it limits your options, oh well, better to be limited and happy than stuck with a situtation you don't want.

Sneaking in to blast Goof with a Super Soaker 3000

And add my 2 cents.

You make an excellent point Goof. Though I would never expect a man I became involved with to be a "father" to my child, I would expect him to take a parenting role to some extent, just as I would expect my son to respect and obey his decisions in the household. Yes, I want them to be "friends", play video games together, go fishing, etc...but I also want the man that decides to spend the rest of his life with US to actively participate in all aspects of his life which includes discipline, setting boundaries, getting involved and participating in the not so glamorous part of parenting as well. I personally would resent the man taking only a casual, fun involvement in their lives, while expecting me to handle all aspects of parenting just because he's not "their" kid.

So does that mean I'm looking for a man to be Dad to my kid...you bet your sweet...tarts.

i love woman and i love kids. if the woman i want to be with has kids thats all good they can be my kids to if we end up together. we got 20,30,40 yr old kids still playing games and want step to the plate to do the right thing and thats sad, im not bashing anyone im just saying ladies you have kids and want to meet a man that will treat you and your kids right then email me.

haha i hear that

...but i KINDA do miss that sense of innocence when almost my entire peer group consisted of virgins. things seemed a lot more romantic in a certain way.