walls of quoted text as usual


lust or sexual attraction

within a monogamous relationship

well I can tell you what happens when it dies

or when one partner is no longer interested

and the damage that can do to a relationship

If I were to simplify it, as a Christian, Id say it is wanting anything MORE than you want God, especially things to appease and please the flesh. It is another layered English word because it is used in so many contexts. I believe it is actually most often USED to imply desire, regardless of how strong, especially of a sexual nature.

I do not think it wise to place anyone or anything before God. I do believe it is natural and healthy for a husband to desire his wife and a wife to desire their husband. I also think its natural and healthy for the opposite sexes to be 'attracted' to one another.

I meant 'word on the street 'integ but thought you said 'hood 'over there!
Lust is part of love, surely in a healthy relationship you'd still want to 'lust 'after your partner. Doesn't lust translate to want?

I agree with this!

Speaking also from my experiences.

Me too,
Not sure where religion comes into apart from a control instrument.

Hmm. Well, as asked, this is a lot more complicated than I generally like, when it comes to things like "lust within a relationship." Adding in all the elements of attending to religious standards and ideals, and including all the wide range of things a person can be lustful about, means that we could write a multi-volume treatise on all the potential concerns, techniques, modes of expression, considerations about communication, balance of natures and on and on.

From the simplest and most direct standpoint (that of sensual or sexual lust between consenting and loving people), in my observation, all of the people whose relationships and mates allowed them to be as freely lustful with each other at all times as possible, were the longest lasting, the happiest, and the most fruitful in every respect of that word.

I think this is because in order to HAVE that kind of relationship, the people had to be similar enough in tastes, and in beliefs about the meaning (and lack of meaning) for various pleasures...and more than anything else, they had to have faith in themselves and each other, that they knew who each other was, and wanted each other entirely, come what may.

All the relationships I have seen where the people in them calculated the degrees of lust they would tolerate, negotiated the kinds of lust they would allow or pursue, and in general had to worry about pleasing various authorities outside of the relationship about (be they religious or social-pressure kinds), tended to be testy, difficult, stilted, and whether they lasted a long time or not, rather bland.

In short, I have always envied the people who's love for each other was such, that nothing the other person did "offended" them, or made them worry about "how things looked," or how they "should" be within the marriage.

Note, what I want to make clear, is that it was never the LUST ITSELF that made or broke things. It was always the degree and extent of the LOVE involved that made everything work. The lust was more of a side effect of that.

Thanks Igor, that gives a good big picture perspective of the topic. Love is key for any healthy relationship. Societal pressures can complicate or oppress a relationship. But there are also ideas that develop in societies that can be useful, and even being part of different groups of people can provide support and connections if there is a common energy in each group.

I mean, community is a type of relationship too, and lack freedom for people to associate and lack of trust, within a community, can make the community hampered and poorly bonded in a similar way.

I’m interested in a for a way for dating, searching, or what ever it is called before a romantic relationship, to be a better experience in and of its self. I think it gets back to communication, conducive environment, and mindful self control, similar to what Tom said in his second to last post.

Thanks Igor, that gives a good picture of the pitfalls.

I think people tend to act more freely with their lust outside of love.

Maybe they don't want to scare their love off by overwhelming them with the zest for lust that they may not share with their partner.

Which might make you think that they consider love more important than lust.

The question looms... (cue ominous organ music)... will the lustier party subdue their lustful nature for ever, admit their needs to their love partner, or eventually slake their lust elsewhere?

With a dictionary, a sociology text, a psychology text, or for practical use by situational context.


It can, it doesn't have to. Depends on the people.


It can be, it doesn't have to be. Depends on the people.


From different perspectives. Depends on the conversation.


My opinions are based on the consequences and motivations, the situation, context.

Otherwise my opinion is it's just an emotional driver based on the mating instinct, which can be associated with and conflated with many different things.

That is a nice simple way to define an infinately complex mater, as you say, “Wanting anything more than God.” To me it means “wanting something different from what God says,” to define what is known, and to not say what is not known. Understanding what God says is the mysterious part. That is something that everyone can figure that out for themselves as best they can. Thanks MsHarmony, I like the grounding of that definition.

That is exactly what I’m talking about! Lust gets in the way of honesty and having fun. If there was an unconditional, confidential relationship, where the couple was completely honest but also had a code for what matters or something, then trust would replace lust.

Why not try trusting each other with your lust?

Why not try trusting each other with your lust and keep both?

That is pretty amazing to hear that it is actually not a problem within a relationship. I would not have a problem with it, but that is not what I would intuitively expect, never having been in a complete relationship.

The next question is how about for the time before a relationship when your meeting and searching and trying to figure out whether a relationship would be healthy or not.