Topic: Loving someone still and being inlove
MissyChe's photo
Sat 12/02/17 05:46 PM
What does it mean when someone said he loves the person but he's not in love with the person anymore?

Can you still love someone without the feeling pf being in love?

Does that mean what he's feeling for the person is not true love?

no photo
Sun 12/03/17 05:33 AM
Edited by Nofearinlove on Sun 12/03/17 05:34 AM
What he meant is that he loves you with the love of God and not as a life partner period! Be strong my sister and understand that it got to the point you have to know that some people can stay in your heart and not in your life.

Stu's photo
Sun 12/03/17 05:41 AM
I still love two of my exs and they love me, we're still best friends, but we're not "in love".

Ladywind7's photo
Sun 12/03/17 06:08 AM
Edited by Ladywind7 on Sun 12/03/17 06:09 AM
You can care for someone you used to have passion/chemistry with.

The in love phase has gone and you love them like family or a friend.

no photo
Sun 12/03/17 07:22 AM
You can care deeply for someone but not love them anymore. There are very valid reasons why people fall out of love, but that does not mean that you don't care about them and love them.. but not is that special way anymore.

no photo
Sun 12/03/17 12:13 PM
What does it mean when someone said he loves the person but he's not in love with the person anymore?

It means they know social posturing and virtue signalling, but not themselves very well, IME.

Can you still love someone without the feeling pf being in love?

Sure.
Romantic love can turn into platonic love. Or biological love can turn into socialized love.
Especially if there's increasingly less incentive to procreate.

Does that mean what he's feeling for the person is not true love?

Could mean lots of things.
Depends on the person.

He might not really be feeling anything for the person at all.
It could just as easily be he's attempting to maintain his own mental health and identity, of being a "good" person.
So he's simply saying what he has to say that he thinks will lead to the least amount of emotional harm and allow him to move on as quickly as possible.

Quick way to test if the "love but not in love with you" bullcrap speech is to immediately say something like "I reject your breaking up with me. I reject what you are saying to me. Because I'm still in love with you. I have faith in my love for you that we can work together and figure out if we can get you back to in love with me.
Unless you're saying you were never really in love with me before? Because that would make you either a liar, or completely clueless as to how you really feel. If the former, then you're a bad person. If the latter, then how can I believe you when you say you love me but you're not in love with me?
Or did you not know if you were in love with me before, but you figured out that you could never be in love with me?
That would make this a simple rejection of me.
So you're saying you love me, like a sibling, but you can't be in love with me. But we had sex. What kind of person would be willing to have sex with their sister or brother?
Otherwise all you're saying is that we've socially bonded. Little different than Dian Fossey and the gorillas she lives with.
What kind of person can't tell the difference between burgeoning romantic love, and the development of social attachment feelings to develop a relationship like ours?
Again, it means you're either stupid, not very self aware, or you are like Dian Fossey but you like to bang monkeys."


IOW IMO the "love you, but not in love with you" speech is little different than the "just friends" speech.
It's generally given by morons that are socially posturing, attempting to use positive associations to communicate what they don't understand.
And if you put 5 minutes thought into what they're saying, it actually says nothing positive about them.

But morons and bad people are capable of love too.
So what they are feeling for the other person could be "true" love.
But just because someone feels "true" love, it doesn't magically transform them into something they aren't.

msharmony's photo
Sun 12/03/17 12:20 PM
Edited by msharmony on Sun 12/03/17 12:22 PM
for me, people being 'in love' happens on a spectrum, and is usually what people call it when endorphins and adrenaline are at play somehow

two people who marry today and love each other probably feel 'in love'

as life gets more routine, those endorphins and adrenaline sometimes are not triggering and they do not feel as if they are 'in love' anymore

but then something may happen to trigger those endorphins and adernaline and they feel 'in love'

'in love' is not a constant


but loving is a constant, and is usually formed as a deep bond when people share lives and meaningful experiences and goals with each other.

so, because it is possible for people to feel 'in love' without loving each other, and it is also possible for people to love each other without being 'in love'

I would say that when someone says they love you but are not in love with you, it means that for whatever reason, the meaningful bond you have is there but the physiological impulses do not seem to be

MissyChe's photo
Mon 12/04/17 05:57 PM

What he meant is that he loves you with the love of God and not as a life partner period! Be strong my sister and understand that it got to the point you have to know that some people can stay in your heart and not in your life.


Not really about me sis.. a person dear to me opened that.. i want to give him an advice amd as much as possible to make him and his wife ok again...he has a way wife but ge said he's not in love with her anymore...

Thanks for that.. now I understand

MissyChe's photo
Mon 12/04/17 05:59 PM
Thanks all for the response.. now I understand.. the love :heart: is still there but the feeling of excitement is gone.. that you are loving the person the way you love others.. no special feeling...


Thanks :blush::blush::blush:

no photo
Wed 12/06/17 10:45 AM


What he meant is that he loves you with the love of God and not as a life partner period! Be strong my sister and understand that it got to the point you have to know that some people can stay in your heart and not in your life.


Not really about me sis.. a person dear to me opened that.. i want to give him an advice amd as much as possible to make him and his wife ok again...he has a way wife but ge said he's not in love with her anymore...

Thanks for that.. now I understand


He should pray to God to help him so that he will love her again as long. She is his wife. If he gets closer to her again and again, the feeling will activate again
Thanks sister.

MissyChe's photo
Wed 12/06/17 04:56 PM
Edited by MissyChe on Wed 12/06/17 04:59 PM
Thanks

MissyChe's photo
Wed 12/06/17 04:59 PM



What he meant is that he loves you with the love of God and not as a life partner period! Be strong my sister and understand that it got to the point you have to know that some people can stay in your heart and not in your life.


Not really about me sis.. a person dear to me opened that.. i want to give him an advice amd as much as possible to make him and his wife ok again...he has a way wife but ge said he's not in love with her anymore...

Thanks for that.. now I understand


He should pray to God to help him so that he will love her again as long. She is his wife. If he gets closer to her again and again, the feeling will activate again
Thanks sister.


He doesn't like. They are living in the same house but there's no expession of love ( hug, kiss, i love you word etc) but they are good friends. He's just there for the kids waiting them to graduate in school (they are already in collage).

He's searching now (but if there's something that I can do to make them ok again, I want to do it.. he's a good person eh and i believe that marriage is sacred).

Thanks Sis :blush::blush::blush: You are right. Prayer can do lots of things.

no photo
Thu 12/07/17 05:42 AM




What he meant is that he loves you with the love of God and not as a life partner period! Be strong my sister and understand that it got to the point you have to know that some people can stay in your heart and not in your life.


Not really about me sis.. a person dear to me opened that.. i want to give him an advice amd as much as possible to make him and his wife ok again...he has a way wife but ge said he's not in love with her anymore...

Thanks for that.. now I understand


He should pray to God to help him so that he will love her again as long. She is his wife. If he gets closer to her again and again, the feeling will activate again
Thanks sister.


He doesn't like. They are living in the same house but there's no expession of love ( hug, kiss, i love you word etc) but they are good friends. He's just there for the kids waiting them to graduate in school (they are already in collage).

He's searching now (but if there's something that I can do to make them ok again, I want to do it.. he's a good person eh and i believe that marriage is sacred).

Thanks Sis :blush::blush::blush: You are right. Prayer can do lots of things.



Good! God bless you sister. You can keep them in prayer and fast for them too. Prayer works!

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Sat 12/09/17 08:34 AM
"Love, but not in love," is one of a number of phrases that I have found that people say, less because they are true, than because the person thinks that already-existing phrase is the right one to use.

What I mean is, that something is going on in the person's life that bothers them, and that they want to solve; what it is may be complicated, and they don't even completely understand it themselves, so they say something that they have HEARD OTHER PEOPLE SAY, that they think will work to "cover" what they are worried about.

How long has he been married? How old is he? This is important to what the most likely meaning behind the phrase is.

For example, very young people who have only been married a relatively short time (less than a couple of years), often expect that marriage would be a non-stop continuation of the fun and passion that they felt during courtship. And when life settles down into day to day common struggles, and their sense of love gets mixed in with doing the dishes and taking out the garbage, and arguing about who has to sweep the floor and so on, they can become afraid that they are "on the wrong trip," or even that they married the wrong person.

But sometimes people say things like this, as Ciretom mentioned, because they are laying the groundwork to declare an end to the marriage, on the grounds that they are sure they would have more fun elsewhere, but want to seem to be less selfish than that implies. I disagree with his strategy to ferret out the answer, in favor of something more straightforward, and less antagonistic.

Mainly, ask the person to go into more detail about WHY he said what he did. Don't tell him what to think, ask him why he thinks as he does.

Most people under stress and worry about something like that, haven't really thought it through as carefully as they think they have, and by exploring the details of it with them carefully and gently, you can often help them be more specific about what their real concern is, and that will allow them to address that, instead of getting stuck in an emotional loop, worrying that they "love" someone, but aren't "in love with them," and what that might mean.