My ex has been absent from my son's life since April of 2001 when we separated (we were divorced in 2002). I was awarded sole custody. My ex got supervised visitation for a few very good reasons.

I am planning to move to Arizona in February (for multiple reasons) and in March I am planning to marry my fiance who is in the Navy.

My ex, who has been absentee all these years says he will have me arrested for parental kidnapping if I move out of Illinois with my son.

He has not taken advantage of any of the scheduled visitation over the past 5 years, is inconsistent with paying his child support, and does not want to be in my son's life. He is putting up this fight purely to be spiteful.

Does anyone know where I can get some affordable legal help/advice? I am living paycheck to paycheck as is and my fiance has been assisting his parents with their bills because his mother is terminally ill. We have very little money for a lawyer.

Is there a loophole that I missed?
Does my ex even have a right to stop me?

I have been losing sleep over this for DAYS. Everywhere I turn, I need about $2000 for a retainer fee. I don't have that kind of cash up front. I was thinking about representing myself (I handled my divorce on my own)... but I need some legal help as to what direction to go through...

Can anyone suggest a solution?

I'm in the Chicago area...

Any advice greatly appreciated.
Thank You

i am not an attorney...but... if you have sole custody..how is it kidnapping?

unless there is a clause in your divorce decree defining Where you live... i believe you can move anywhere you like...

my friends wife took his kids to scotland...he fought it and lost.. i don't really know!!! Sounds like you need a restraining order if he is threatening you...

There are advocacy groups that will advise at no cost or on a sliding scale.

I know I have sole legal and physical custody of my girls and I can go wherever I want w/ them. Although if their father leaves the state w/ them w/ out my written consent then he can be charged w/ kidnapping. I think every state varies in custody laws but I don't think he has a leg to stand on....

In Illinois if it interferes with a court visitation schedule there could be an issue...

but if he has not honored his end of the visitation schedule, my guess would be that he negated the order first and I allowed it... therefore negating the arrangement altogether and leaving me free to go...

(my logic)

However... I wouldn't want to step on the toes of a court and chance it.

I have no problem taking the matter to court... I just can't afford it.

In AZ if either parent and it only takes one to make leaving the state of residance a part of any custody agreement and ot does not mater rather it be joint, sole or anything else.

I don't understand what you mean.

My divorce decree states Illinois has Jurisdiction over the matter... I can't relocate and fight this in Arizona.

I don't even know if he's making up about "parental kidnapping". He could be trying to scare me. I don't wanna be hauled away in cuffs if he's for real, though.

i have sole custody of my children, physical and legal. my ex sees them on christmas day...and that's it. visitation is also supervised.

in order to even leave the CITY he's in...i had to have it put in my divorce decree and have the judge agree to it. i have THREE friends that lost their kids for trying such.

The visitation issue may be all that is stopping you if you have sole legal and physical custody. You should be more than capable of representing yourself if you handled your divorce. Call the court and file for a modification of the order, no where near $2000, should just be a filing fee. Fill out the forms of what changes you want and why. Go in front of the judge with proof of his absence and neglect in his child's life. Also bring documentation to show that you have a stable situation awaiting you there. Dead beat Dad can protest all he wants but the judge will see he's doing it for spite and allow you to go. He may require some kind of plan for future interaction so you may want to prepare yourself for that, sending the child to him for Christmas every other year and who would supervise for example, or arranging specific times for phone calls. Whatever you do, don't just leave state or you could get arrested for violating the existing order.

Good luck. I've been in your shoes and I did it, so can you! Hope this helps.

blah blah blah

Thank you guys... very helpful info.

What you need to do is go to the court where the divorce happened. You do not need a lawyer. go to the section dealing with vistation, support payments, etc. (here in michigan it is called friend of the court) and request a revision of the visitation orders, revoking his visitation due to neglect on his part to follow through. As far as wether or not you can leave without his permission, it differs per state. Here in Michigan, I have sole custody, both physical and legal, and she has supervised visitation only. I can move anywhere I want because there is nothing in my divorce stating otherwise. However if she were to think of it, she could go in and have the orders amended preventig me to do so as long as she has visitation rights. Then I would have to go through the process of having her visitation removed (which thankfully I can do if I choose to)at which point I would be able to move again.

Thank you Daniel. Great to know there is hope.
My divorce says nothing about prohibitation of moving out of state...

Eventually, my fiance plans to legally adopt both of my children... so once I get passed this hurdle, it will be ok.

Thanks SO much for your help, Everyone...

fair warning, most states if te father has any type of visitation, then your new husband can NOT adopt. They can not be adopted without ALL parenting rights being removed completely, so if this is what you are looking at in the future then you need to get into court now anyway to prepare for that. So there's your answer.

Good luck hun.

Thanks Again.

call every lawyer in the phone book. a lot of lawyers have a one time free consultation. maybe you can find out about the laws and such from them. i took advantage of the free consultation before my son was even born and never went back b/c i had the answers i needed.

Oh for gods sake this is all just bull****! He has legally abandoned that child! haven't you all looked at the dates and years she is talking about? Doesn't matter whether he is still paying child support or not, he has not physically been in this childs presence for YEARS!!! Go to your local Community Legal Service and have them file papers claiming abandonment and get on with YOUR LIFE !!

I really feel for you since i've recently been through something similar. Whatever you do if you see a lawyer about this, get more than one opionion. I saw a lawyer that said i could move no problem, as long as there were no orders in place. I moved from Alberta to B.C. , then soon i was served with a exparte' (spelling?) order so i had to return with my son right away. The expatre order was unfounded, they had no proof but went before a judge to say i was a pill popper and a harm to my son and he made the order just based on their lies.

*sigh* Just be careful, i'm over 20 thousand in legally and fighting for even shared custody now because i moved and even though i was only common-law he was 50% the xs'. I am the good mother,he's a bad father and he left my son and i unable to pay the rent and bills, left for a younger lady. Still the law saw me as unstable because i uped and left.
I really wish you well(((((HUG)))))))))))

in texas whomever has custody determines where the child resides and only has to contact their states attorny general office with their new information.. with 2 of my children i can move anywhere with them my 4 year old however i'm still married to his father, been separated for 5 years but i move with him i mean i can but not out of the state i'm already in

JUST AN FYI: I've spent the last week or so looking into this. Can't get my son's dad on abandonment because he has "been involved financially" off and on... and even though he makes no effort to adhear to the visitation schedule already set, the fact that his aunts took him over Thanksgiving and he saw my son now negates that. They have pictures to prove that my son saw his sperm donor. This sucks. I can't believe the laws are written this way!!!! The best I can do is a PETITION FOR REMOVAL... which I've been told it's difficult to get a judge to allow.