I despise this saying, that western society has seemed to have conformed to. Happy me, happy life. Sure a woman you love, making her happy is important but your own happiness should come first and foremost.

I think this is the most important aspect of keeping a successful relationship. If you aren't happy, how can you possibly keep others in your life happy.

Thoughts?

Topic says wife! A man should put his wife's happiness first!

... sure her happiness comes first right aftermine.... because if she's not making me happy... what's the point of keeping her happy... it's a bit like what came first the chicken or the egg...

I think the o.p is saying.. your own personal happiness is your own priority.. not up to someone else to make you happy..
So if you're happy then making others happy is easy... but their happiness does not depend on your happiness...
This whole topic just makes me depressed.or unhappy.lol

A shame you take this so personally and only read the negative in it.
I think there's a lot of truth in it, but in a different way.
In short...
woman is empowered in her feminine energy and this gets the man out of his head, his ratio, and able to open up and to connect to his emotions.
So woman gives to man, man then gives to woman.
Men want and need to give to a woman, provide and protect. So in doing so he will make her happy, yes, but he also keeps himself happy because ultimately it is what HE needs himself.
In turn the woman will shower her love upon him, so he can continue to connect to his own heart and feelings. It's not a "You give, I take" thing, it's a "I give, you give, and we both get to benefit from that."

When the woman isn't happy, she cannot shower her love on man --> man can't connect to his heart and feelings --> he doesn't give to woman.
Result: both unhappy. Neither get what they need anymore.

It's a perfect cycle when both are empowered and confident. Woman's role to get the couple to the level of emotions so they interact from the heart, not the head, is crucial. Hence it being true that if she isn't happy, life isn't happy.
Doesn't mean it's your responsibility to then work your bum off to make her happy though.

It depends upon the goal of marriage for a person.

If the goal is self happiness, than obviously thats the priority.

If the goal is couple happiness and sustainability, I believe it works better when both parties are putting their partner at an EQUAL status in terms of seeking and contributing to their happiness.

It's easier, imho, to 'grow apart' when we both have our eyes fixed on ourselves, than it is if we are both looking at each other.

This is a kind of "old saying" that I put in the category of 'half-wise saying.'

It's a bit like buying yourself an old multi-blade, reel type push mower. It gets the job done, but you have to to more than half the work for it to do so.

The idea behind it, probably goes back to the idea of the male-dominated fantasy society, where the wife was more of an appendage to the man than an equal. The thrust of the message, is that since a wife is a living and active entity in what is otherwise YOUR life, if you see to it she is happy, she will be less likely to become a PROBLEM within your life. That's about it. Not all that valuable an insight, really, and only has any popularity at all, because it chances (in English at least) to have a built in rhyme.

In order to make the idea really functional, you have to assume that HOW you go about making your mate happy, is entirely within the scope of your own comfort zone, and it gets even better if you become happy BECAUSE your mate is happy.

But ultimately, since it IS just one of those throw-away, old-style HALF-WISE sayings, it's not worth being upset about for it's misogynistic heritage or the potential burdens it places on the male when taken too literally. Just leave it on that dusty back shelf of old, mostly silly crap that people used to say before they grew up, where it belongs.

Proverbs 21:19Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

19 Better to live in a wilderness
than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.

Proverbs 25:24Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

24 Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife.


think about what these mean
it does not mean cater to your wife's every whim
bow down to her
worship the ground she walks on

means that a woman can set the tone of your home
your life can be be enriched and fulfilled with her presence
or you can feel miserable

I think happy spouse, happy house works just as well.

When you share a home and a life, the unhappiness of ANY member of your household can hamper the happiness of the others, if they love and care for one another.

a concept lost on many in this " please yourself' world we now live in

anyone that is only interested in their own needs and
getting them fulfilled will be unable to sustain a lasting
and loving relationship


anyone that says they are only interested in putting their partner's needs first (to the exclusion or denial of their own )will only end up with resentment, bitterness over time
which will damage the relationship

so where is the middle ground?

i do think this is not gender specific. there is no greater happiness to a person than knowing he has the capacity to make someone really happy. it is for me a truly unexplainable feeling . imho

I disagree, your individual happinesses and your happiness as a couple are the same importance. no one should be happier in a relationship because that means 1 of you doesn't like something and that's a problem that can lead to resentment

I blame communism.

Yes, although I’m not sure people were saying that one should be happier. More like if the wife is happy then you have a happy home.
I personally believe that to be a load of bollocks.

If you say so cupcake

I have found it to be true that unhappy people usually spread their unhappiness around,

I don't know if that means that happy people will always spread happiness around,

but I certainly believe the latter group are more likely to spread that happiness than the former.


It is very difficult, in my experience, for a household that loves each other to be 'happy' if any of its members are not.

I take this as a joke. Some take it as an insult. Basically if a woman is happy then they won't nag and will be nice. I always thought of it as joking.

But both should be happy

I agree some with Tmommy means that a woman can set the tone of your home
your life can be be enriched and fulfilled with her presence
or you can feel miserable ... which I may add ...if your making her ..
miserable ... your not going to be happy ...
Happy partners... Happy Partners...

Not so sure, that it's just a saying. The majority of relationships I've been in or hear of(friends, family) conform to this. Where if you don't keep your gf happy, there is hell to pay. Whether that hell be in the form of no sex, her passive-aggressive behavior(I'm fine, pouts all day), sleeping on the couch, etc. Now I'm sure some on this forum don't do that...but for the average relationship it does happen.

Now, if you disagree and think that's not how it happens. Please explain to me in detail, as to how. I would appreciate it.

Let's take a very common example: Your gf wants you to stay up and watch a chick-flick with her. You don't want to.

Gents, Do you A) Watch it anyway B) Tell her No?

Ladies, if he says No. A) Get upset and show it B)Get upset and say it C) Respect his choice and do something else.

Honest answers please.

Then those women are high maintainence IMO. Not all women think that

Happy, Happy, Happy