Hi. Hope all is well with everyone. I just need some input and thought this would be a good place to get it. I have posted on the boards before but never the parenting board. So here is my question women or men whoever would like to answer I need some input. I just found out that I was pregnant a few days ago. Very unexpected! I was seeing this guy off and on nothing serious and well you know the rest of the story. Any way I am going to the doctor's today to confirm the pregnancy but I went ahead and called the guy and he totally freaked on me. Basically he said he did not have time for another child in his life or money for one. I know I can do this on my own. I have a great job I am a nurse and I have three other children from my ex-husband that I was married ten years to. I basically raised them by myself even though at the time I was married.

My question is I am thinking since this man does not want to be a part of this child's life I should just tell him to walk away and lose my number. Is that crazy? I know it would be hard to explain to a child years down the road but he does not want the child. I feel like I am also protecting the child in this case to.

Do you feel this is right or wrong?

Kids come FIRST, if a guy doesn't want them around, then he is telling you the same.
Men should never put a lady in that position.

I dont believe that is crazy at all BUT i think he should in some way help you raise the child because he helped bring that child into the world. Its not he/she fault. He should pay child support or something. You will be able to explain and the child will thank you for that in the long run. Also, there are many people out there that will take in someone else's child and be just as happy. Think happy thoughts. Good Luck.

He should be in the child's life and help support you and the child.

If he doesn't want the child you do not need to tell him to walk away! Men walk away from children everyday without a second thought about it! I am raising two girls and their dad chose to walk away....that was his choice and my girls are aware of it! In the end you can do it by yourself!

i totally think losing the father is the right choice moonangel...congrats and i know you'll keep us posted... a new baby!!!! i'm soooooooo excited!!!!!!

Could be worse I just found out the child I've been raising for 4 years isnt even mine

On a side note... she is still a part of my life, I still love her like my own.

Sorry to hear that Moonage, Here is my input on that subject.
If he did'nt want,could afford, or have time for a child he should have never done the you knnow the rest of the story....
Do some soul searching and do what your heart tells you to do , however if he so wishes to have no part of the child , get an attorney,and let the court decide what he has time and money for. I am sure your a great mom and can do it yourself, I too have done that job, but being a great mom does'nt mean that they get to walk away with out being accountable for theyr'e actions. Good luck to you

You can do this on you're own... you have proved it 3 times already :)
I raise my child by myself, her father is a piece of work to put it nicely.
I kept my child because she was mine, not his.
But don't let him off completely... he should pay support for his child. He did the act, he helped create the baby, he can help pay for the baby.
There is no reason he should be able to walk away from his child scott free and not worry about it anymore.

If he chooses not to be in the childs life that's one thing. But, with that said, he should be held financially responsible, at the very least.

I don't think I will ever understand how a man can do this and still have a conscience???

The child should not have to go without because he wants to be a selfish jerk...

Please keep all of his information to give ur child.that happened to me and i have been n a hell all of my life bcause of it.im not saying the father needs to b n his life.but ur child will grow up and want to meet him 1 day.

I really appreciate everyone's input. I just see my kids hurt every day because there father does not see them much and I would hate to do that for this baby. I guess one step at a time it is still very early in the ball game.....

Sorry to pick you out hun, is nothing personal, but your attitude is one that enrages me deeply. A child is NOT ever anyones. your child is not yours versus his, he/she is both of yours; period. This is for everyone who has the belief that the mother has an automatic right to custody over hte father simply because she gave birth. I am sorry but it is a bunch of crock, this thinking and it is what is wrong with the majority of custody fights. Thankfully our court system(s) are starting to rectify this issue, which is why you see so many more yuong ladies going to jail for violatio of hte fathers rights.
In the end it boils down to one thing: a young lady is not capable of giving birth to a child without the help of the father, thus both parents have the SAME rights until a judge decreese otherwise. And yes I know there are still a couple of states that say otherwise, but over all most states follow this belief as well.

now to address the original question (sorry for the tangent back there).

He may not want to be a part of the childs life at this point, but until a judge decrees otherwise, he DOES have the same rights you have more likely than not, which means youwill have to go into court to have his rights revoked. You will want to do this anyway in order to get his support for the child even if he doesnt want anything to dow ith yu or the child.
And as it was said above, keep as much information as you can on the father, as the child will want to meet him in the future, and as a responsible parent you should help him/her do so no matter your personal feelings on the issue.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

I will of course keep everything I have on him. My problem is the stuff I have I am sure will change over the next several years. He has already made no contact with me since I told him and I have a feeling that will not change. Thank you again for your advice.

Sounds GREAT to me!!! So at what point are the all the dads of the world going to step up and practice his rights to father, support, raise, and in general be a parent!! It is his right and the courts may rule that it is his obligation!! Do you know what that piece of paper means in my house?? NOTHING....let me repeat it means NOTHING!! He doesn't visit he doesn't pay he doesn't do anything to help us!! So to those men who care to have those rights and obligations, I say more power to them. Unfortunately there are A LOT of men out there that having a child means nothing to and then the childs heart gets smashed when they walk away!!! If this man doesn't want another baby then there is nothing ANYBODY can do about that.

support???? wtf is that?????? oh yeah now i remember...the $45,000.00 i've never seen a penny of that was supposed to help feed, clothe and house my children by their father/sperm donor...well, daddy died a few months ago, unfortunately none of his children shed a tear...oh well now i get $$ every month to splurge on them and do the happy dance on his grave...if anyone bothered to put him in one...sad but true

bgeorge....the sad truth is I have told people before that he would be more useful to his kids dead than he is alive!! So glad my existence isn't that shallow.....

fresh...and we have beutiful, smart, hilarious, well mannered, well adjusted, well behaved (in public) children that know who takes care of them and loves and protects them...they are my world and i wouldn't change a thing...brenda

btw happy bunny should run for president