I haven't myself dated a woman with kids yet, but I know lots of people who have, and I've dated women who had other family-related responsibilities.

The main thing is, to realize that you personally can never be the ONLY reason why she does anything, or doesn't do something, no matter how much she loves you. You have to get yourself to think of the bigger picture at all times, of the children as well as the mother.

And one of the most challenging facts you MUST get through your head and keep there always, is that unless and until you marry the mother AND adopt the children as your own, AND the children decide to go along with that...

...that you are NOT their father, and no universal sense of how children should be raised should ever guide your thinking. If you forget or fail to recognize that that is true, you will just be another outsider trying to run someone else's life to satisfy your own ego.

While you're dating, fine...
but, once you are committed to each other and behaving like a family, don't ever let her utter that famous phrase...
"Don't Tell Me How To Raise My Children"

Dump her flat and don't look back.

Thats exactly why I ended it

mmmmmmmmm
well speaking as a mother with uh kids
let me just say this

I dare the muthaf'er who thinks he has some kind of right
to tell me how to raise my kids


there is only one man on this planet that has a say in how his kids are raised...and that ain't some dipsh*t I might date


of course, I am not dating by choice
the reason being I choose not to bring this kind of BS and chaos into my son's life

when he graduates and goes off to college I may consider it
depending on the man

uh huh uh huh..well I could give ya some long drawn out psych persepctive on blended families and how to make them work


knowing myself and my temper..
if he said one word about my sons

" oh ..excuse me? you wanna gimme some parenting advice..about raising kids
you know the ones you see one weekend a month and a week in the summer??
ooooooooooo that is rich here why don't ya give me your ex wife's number.
I will give her a call and ask her about this issue"

Guys, I need some support here...
T'mom scares me..

I think first and foremost it's important to know what the woman wants your role to be in this situation regarding her kids.
Some may not want you to interfere, others may want you to take a load of their shoulders.
So you also have to think about how YOU would want to deal with this stuff, and then see if you and the woman can see eye to eye on the matter of the kids.
Sure, you are not their father, but personally I think it's total bollocks that you'd have no say in anything whatsoever. If you are in a solid relationship with their mother, her children will have an effect on your life too. So I feel the man does sure as hell have a right to speak his mind.
Of course there are limits, for instance if she wants to raise them very religiously and you don't see the point, that is NOT your concern. But when it concerns things that do effect your life, you should have a say in it.
Silly example... her kids always barge into her bedroom in the mornings to cuddle. Mom is fine with that. But now you are there too. Then I think you have full right to disagree with this. You could then talk about it, and maybe have the kids come in after knocking or only on Sunday mornings (or whatever).
But this is stuff that effects your life. You sure as heck don't have to put up with everything. If a woman demands that, dump her. Of course you also have to be fair. You cannot demand the woman to ignore her kids to please you all the time. Balance.

As for practical stuff... depends on the kids' age, both your financial situation and what you want to do when together.
- can she afford a sitter if you often want to go out? You may have to pitch in. Are you willing to do that?
- If the relationship takes off, are you willing to take on the kids, and likely end up having to pay for part of their cost?
- Can you accept that kids have an effect on your sex-life? When kids are up and running around till 9pm you will have to keep it in your pants till later. Plus, you may have to be quieter to not wake the kids...
- Can you accept that a woman may not be available all the time because of the kids? (sickness, kiddie parties or sports and so on)

Oh, and another big one; Do YOU want kids at some point and is she willing to have more with you?

as it should be

I am probably not the 'typical' variety of mom to ask this sort of question

why? because I would never allow a man to move in with me

as long as my kids were still living at home