IN a nutshell, I understand that others cannot be controlled nor should they be

I also understand that human interaction involves listening as well as expressing, and I strive to try to improve my human interactions but cannot have any interaction in isolation, and the only way any person knows how to be a part of that interaction with another person/other people is to listen to the feelings and perceptions others have during those potential encounters,,,


I try to listen so I can be part of productive interactions, it disappoints me when others do not

my world doesn't end, my day isn't ruined,, there are just some things that elicit satisfaction and some that elicit disappointment,, no more/no less

I do quite a bit of speaking in certain environments. I try to never use the word "you" rather I keep the focus on how things have applied to me, good or bad, and let or at least hope, others can learn or at least get a better perspective on the topic at hand.

Here's some of the reasons I've deduced are driving why someone will take issue with generalizations, especially in forum discussions like this:

* Past negative experience. Most people in daily informal chatter, will use generalizations in the "lite" way you refer to above. But in forums like this, or in political arguments in public, once you let someone get away with SOME generalizations, they'll act as though you signed a sort of "argument contract" on that point, and then demand that you accept the logical consequences of the generality literally applying to everyone or everything.

* Forum-winning-itis. This is something that lots of people get caught up in, especially when they are relatively new to forums like this, or if they suffer from a lot of anxiety in their lives, and so get too emotionally involved with this chat. Basically, they take it all too seriously, and want to nail you down so that they can enjoy a sort of feeling of relevance or personal power. Actually, most of the examples of when I see "you mean SOME!" posts, the person putting them in really doesn't care how the argument turns out, they just want to get a sort of "point won" for themselves. Another part of this, is the "gotcha!" people, who figure they've defeated whatever point you wanted to make, simply by catching you in an over-generalization.

* Have another hot agenda bubbling under all the time. Lots of people want EVERY discussion to be about their personal peeve or favorite subject, so they'll object to SOMETHING about how you try to make your point, in order to slide in some mention of their own "thing."

* Actually want to be serious about the topic. If someone is over-excited about what you post, they might want to scrutinize and sort away your entirely relaxed and friendly generalization, because they are afraid that it will interfere with a serious discussion.

* Personal sensitivity about being in the wrong side of the generalization. This is a biggie, and it's related to the "previously burned" group. Whether the generalization is about race, or gender, or age, or profession, or any of the many other categorizing labels we all commonly use, a bunch of people are going to be on the down side of the generalization being made about them, and save for the people who gleefully adopt negative labels, will want any PUBLIC utterance of such generalities to include some sort of caveat to avoid accepting whatever negative label has been placed on them. This is the "don't lump me in with those OTHER guys, just because I wear the same color T shirt" brigade.

its all good, this is a public forum for people to give personal perceptions and opinions, I do not know how anyone's opinions can come from other than 'a place inside'

I do not need or seek acceptance outside of that I already have developed from loved ones in my life.

and

a.be careful using the term 'never',,, it is rarely accurate I DO agree with people quite often, sometimes I will say so, sometimes I will say the part that I agree with and explain what I don't, and sometimes there is nothing left to say because they have said something I totally agree with in a way that I have nothing to add to. Just a few posts back it was implied that conversations should not be about expecting people to 'just agree' with us, and people should not, so perhaps that is why, when I respond, it could be perceived as me 'never FULLY agreeing'

b. I add to a post, yes, I do not know how to SUBTRACT from it. BUt to add, I have to START with what was said,, or 'absorb' it

c. I do not think I am the rain the earth needs, but I do accept we are humans who should be able to communicate, agree, disagree with a certain level of maturity.

please, continue telling what you see, as will I,,,,

SEE THERE? Agreement

thank you again for a logical and well thought out contribution,,,I concur

I agree, once again. I hope you have not concluded that I expect this at all.

I can look in the mirror and talk to myself if all I wanted was agreement. The point to communication for me is SHARING, not agreement. There is just a desirable way to communicate and an undesirable way. Even in disagreement there is a huge difference between

'I disagree and this is why' and 'why are you expressing personal feelings when everyone has personal feelings'

one adds to the discussion by adding another perspective, the other shuts down the discussion by attempting to guilt the person for trying to have it in the first place.

Not really intended to point anyone out specifically.
Just an observation is all.

The dynamics of dating site forums is strange compared to the other forum communities I have participated in.
In dating forums, lots of participants talk from emotional passions. I think it has a lot to do with the vulnerable state of mind one is in while trying to establish an online relationship with such a mix of personalities.
The interest range is wide where in most fandom forums there is a common interest/passion that all seem to share.

In fandom forums, you have the all-out geekmaster fan that is super passionate about the subject matter. You have the regular fan that has interest in the subject matter and you have the new fan that is looking to find out what all the hub-bub is about.

In dating forums, we are intermixed with different people from all different walks of life with different things driving their participation. There are predators, humorists, people that have been hurt or wronged and people that really care. Its a mixed bag.

I have seen many very worthy subjects get the discussion ruined by the mixed responses. Its tough to keep a discussion relevent with all the distractions and comments but it does help if you consider the environment and understand that not all people think as expected. Its also important to understand that the forum is a public bulletin board and anyone can comment anything they see fit (within site policy).

I notice that some members here will comment on any topic posted. Personally, I only comment on topics I feel are worth something to me (for the most part). My intent is more a 'consider this' than it is 'this is how it is'.

understood

consideration is important

I find those gems who communicate well and I know many more are reading the threads than posting in them

my comments are for those who communicate well or who wish to, people wont know where we are coming from unless we tell them, and context is the foundation of communication,,,

I read and watch a lot of science fiction. One aspect of communication is repeated in many ways.
The aliens misunderstand our attempts at communication as a hostile act.
With a truly alien culture there will be no associations given. Everything will be alien. Even things we think might scream "hello" might be misinterpreted.

Human beings capable of reading a forum post have 'some' common associations. Sometimes the common associations get lost in the details of the context of the message.

If I say "Apple" not everyone is going to associate the word with "Red". It might be fruit, tree, round, eat, seed or any other thing that the word 'apple' may place in their minds. We assume our associations match the reader's. We use context to clarify associations to try to bring everyone to the same association as ours. However, there are times when we can say "apple" and others might think "truck". Then, any context we use to define the association gets lost in the anticipated.

It is difficult sometimes to actually read what is written without using our own associations to understand. That is called misunderstanding. We can misunderstand in ways that are close but not spot on the intent of the words. We use the wrong words to say some things and expect others to just know what we mean. That's why it is important to understand exactly what you write and how you write it. The only thing others have to go by to try to understand you are the words you use to express yourself.

Using examples does help clarify intent sometimes but there are people that see the example as a statement in itself. They may be wondering right now what apples has to do with what I am writing. They might be expecting me to say something about red or trucks. They get the details of the example stuck in their heads and miss the point of it entirely.

Using emotionally charged words and associations can get people stuck on their own emotional associations. It pulls them into their own ideas and they don't fully grasp the written words as intended. This is why there is so many different responses to what we think are on-point discussions.

This <The only thing others have to go by to try to understand you are the words you use to express yourself.>

and THIS "Using emotionally charged words and associations can get people stuck on their own emotional associations. "


YES

it is why things like history, politics, religion, prejudices, etc,, are so hard to have mature discussions over,, the emotions that interfere with the logic,,,,

but it is a good thing that people still try to have the discussions, even when they are not easy to have,,,