getting stood up ain't the worst thing...when they leave while your saying hi kinda stings a little...

nobody ever said you got me at hello to me too

foolish heart heart hear me calling
stop before you start falling
foolish heart heed my warning
youve been wrong before
dont be wrong anymore

As our asian opinion for life is: Life is full of hardships... U are hurting urself,no1 does that to u. If you believe in faith, u must also admit that you are not try hard enough to pull urself out of the messy situation. Pls, stop hurting yourself and treat yourself well enough to keep up. Im trying tell u this, cause im also in same situation, im divorced, had a 8yrs daughter who was not mine. Would u act normal after been cheated for 8 years? Would u let it go or try to get revenge? I came up finally decided : let it go qnd try to smile up. Wish u best and hopefully we could be mates

ive been through all than in the past
my present situation is very different . thank you for the concern. all will be ok. in gods time

I think maybe it's mostly to do with not enough self-worth, thinking you don't deserve love, then attracting and falling for the wrong guy. One that confirms what you exude, and then getting hurt again.
Or maybe attracting someone who's not that bad but you getting clingy out of fear of getting hurt. The guy getting fed up because he doesn't want to be smothered, and ending things, meaning you get hurt.

Much of this start with loving yourself, knowing you are worthy of love, knowing that no matter what, you can and will survive and bounce back.
Getting there can be hard when you don't have real self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. You got to work on that first. And by that, start loving yourself.
Then you have a solid foundation, it makes you less vulnerable if things would go wrong, and it will help to not get clingy and needy.
It will take time to get there though, you have to accept that, and not beat yourself up over it if you don't get there within a month.

Also don't make the relationship your entire universe. Keep socializing with friends, doing activities and work on your own goals in life.
Best advice I've ever heard from a relationship coach "If he isn't there, he doesn't exist."
Very difficult, but I think especially for women important as we tend to focus solely on our mate once we have one. Think about him all day long, thinking "why doesn't he call me?" "What is he doing?" etc/ etc.
By doing that you give your power away even though he didn't even ask for it.
If you give your power away like that, you become very vulnerable and easily hurt.

It truly all starts with loving yourself enough to refuse to lose yourself in a relationship. Because doing that is not healthy, it's co-dependent, not love.
And coming to loving yourself can be hard, yes. It means looking in the mirror, overcoming all your inner fears and insecurities etc. But it is the only road to a truly healthy relationship. It starts with a healthy relationship with yourself you see.

Not in any useful way. When people are matched, it's a combination of chance occurrences, not of things they did to MAKE themselves be matched. Same sensibilities, same goals in life, same small things that they enjoy, and the good luck that all of that came in the form of a person of the right age and appearance that they found each other attractive.

I find that it's easier for me to see why love fails, than why it succeeds. And what I've seen make it fail, has tended to be things like doubts.

Doubts that the one you are with is the "right" one, is a classic example. Those kinds of doubts are the result of a number of subtle "lessons" not learned. But they are not lessons that a person can read and memorize, or pray into existence. They are more like epiphanies or "convincings."

Perhaps I can describe it this way. I am one of those people who are more likely to remain mindfully focused in a frightening situation, not because I am brave or wise or talented or skilled, though. I am that way because I am convinced to the core of my being, that the absolute best chance I have to succeed, will come from THINKING MY WAY THROUGH LOGICALLY. That's not a lesson I was taught, or that I read about, or that I arrived at in any artificial way, it is what the totality of my life imprinted on me.

That's what faith is like as well. And the people I've known who did stay together through thick and thin, all had similar thorough convictions. They accepted that there would be problems, and dealt with those problems as they came, as best they could. What made it possible to deal with them, was again, that they were "on the same page" about most things, combined with their mutual conviction that what their lives were about, was going on whatever journey the two of them created together, or whatever came upon them.

here's the problem with online romance
most of it is based on fantasy
a few pics exchanged and some messaging going back and forth

the pics you exchange I suspect are the ones that catch you
on a good day, good lighting, good angles

the messages you exchange are what? light, upbeat, flirty and fun

nothing hum drum or moody

so when you finally meet up

you already have this entire persona of who this person is build up in your mind

you already have all these expectations of being swept off your feet
and fireworks going off


almost setting yourself up for certain failure

Hi Skeptical

Its so empowering to know that no matter how painful a future break up might be, that you still have amazing goals, hobbies, friends etc to make your life fulfilling to a large extent.So first and foremost, develop goals , hobbies, projects in your life that make you excited to get up every morning, that have nothing to do with your mate..

Also, what Bob Marley said, really resonates with me. He said “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

I have no control over if a guy chooses to stay with me to the very end or not. All I have control over is choosing someone whom I consider worth the risk, and who sees me as worth the risk too.

By thinking of a relationship as a journey of highs and lows with someone who is worth all the risks, even if things dont work out , which they often dont, at least you know you had an amazing overall experience , and some amazing life lessons from someone who was worth the ups and downs.

So question for you to answer TO YOURSELF....

Has this guy shown himself to be worth the risk/suffering thus far?

If the answer is yes, then your focus will no longer be on the pain he can cause you or how hard it will be.You will be focused instead on the fulfilment you bring to each other in the relationship for as long as it lasts :)

Like the song says " everybody plays the fool sometimes".It is worth the risk follow your heart and good luck to you.

thank you all soooo much for making me see through your own eyes. all your opinions mattered and made sense. i guess only time now could say what road i am taking

For me, when I met my late wife, it was mutual attraction right away. However, we took outside to get to know each other, it a year and then we moved in together, four more years until marriage, and another five of blissful life. in that time not one fight, and yes, there were many disagreements, differences of opinion, and for her to put up with some of my bone head moves, incredible.
so, to me, true love exist, it's my be hard at times, but if the communication and honesty, and total respect, love can survive,

Follow your gut! Your heart can get you in trouble

good to know you are one of the lucky few

thanks integrity