Hi Everybody,

I would like your views on when a guy( for you) moves out from the zone of a friend to a BF or a BF to the man you want to spend your life with.

Is there a specific trait that you look for ? certain period of time ? certain mannerisms/habits ? basically the moment that knocks your sock off and u say "wow, this could be the one........"

Thanks

I've noticed that a friend becomes bf to rest of her life companion when he has the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$. That's on top of list for women. Anything less than that, they complain.

well the only reason a guy would end up in the friend zone in the first place would be if he never spark attraction...

i guess if a male friend of a woman started to spark attraction then she would be willing to date him.

universally attractive traits include, but are certainly not limited to:
>optimism
>confidence
>playfulness!
>fearlessness
>sociability (linked to popularity)
>adaptability
>inner strength
>ambition, passion
>authenticity

universally attractive mannerisms/habits include, but are certainly not limited to:
>smiling
>vocal projection and depth (true for men, but I don't think this applies to women...)
>setting and meeting goals (achievement)
>treating everyone with the same level of respect at which he/she respects him/herself
>not tolerating disrespect
>having confident, "alpha male" body language (for ladies: having sexy, feminine body language)

A woman MAY think "wow, this could be the one..." when the man she is interacting with is able to put her into various positive emotional states consistently and effectively. This is why i put an exclamation mark next to playfulness. =)

Also, the number one thing both men and women look for in a potential partner for life is kindness and understanding. I learned that one in my evolutionary psychology class lol.

I hope that helped,
-LSS

I look for a man of good character, one who treats others well, and yes it matters to me that our values and beliefs are on an even keel. Admiration and respect grows over time..

AWSOME!!Lovesongs.She about covered that one...

thank you wolfchic =)

YOUR WELCOME!!!!

While this response sounds good, its flawed at the same time. No one person contains all these traits at one time. Unless your Jesus.

If you happened to have all these traits, but was physically ugly, it wouldn't get you anywhere. Its a sad truth. A guy/girl doesn't look at someone and say "Gee what a great set of traits that person has" or "Wow what a great brain". if you don't have the looks, then getting anything started does not happen.

you know that isnt completely true! I had a male roommate years ago and we worked together as well......he was by far not the best looking guy but he exuded this confidence in him.....it drove women wild!!! He would even have 3 or 4 women at a time!!!!

I think you have to have that "Rico Suave" aura about you.....yes its confidence.

I don't believe confidence has anything to do with it. Confidence is flawed since you can be over-confident and come off as an ass with a huge ego.

I believe you are talking about charisma, which with that the more you put off the more attention you seem to get.

confidence and charisma are very interchangeable.

The reason I am now on the internet to try and see if something can happen is that I have been going on that initial attraction thing for all my life and it is not working out. I want to have a friend first with the option of something possibly happening later. I am new to this so what the trigger will be I don't know, I am learning as I go. I have already bombed out on this once and I am really unsure of myself. I am trying to take the sex out of the equation at first and let that naturally evolve later, much later. I am hoping this will be a better avenue than the one I was on before but I do not know yet. So I guess I went on and on and said nothing to help you out there, huh?

lovesongs, very indepth indeed... looked like u still have your psychology text besides you.

so how many minutes does it take u to run through this list in your mind

no wonder men think women are complicated but considering the stakes i only hope that more women accepted and followed your views

mimx, u have opened up a pandora's box. but yeah there is an instinctive reaction in every one of us and over time through experiences learn to leverage on our strengths.
i guess we it all comes down to "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

time to start the war!
You have nooo idea how wrong you are, buddy.
It sounds like you don't understand that men and women see the world differently and respond to different things. Men's brains and women's brains are wired differently through forty-thousand years of evolution.

by the way, all those traits can be LEARNED. It's never just black or white. It's never just nature or nurture. It's BOTH. some people are born with many of these characteristics and everyone can LEARN them if they committed to the process.

if a woman doesn't have the visual sex appeal, or looks, she is probably going to have a hard time with attracting most men. we both know that.

it sounds like you have nooooo idea of what's attractive to women. let me enlighten you:

The shallow level of what attracts men to women is looks. Men respond primarily to looks. The shallow level of what attracts women to men is social value. Women respond primarily to percieved social status.

How can you make urself look like ur at the top of the social food chain? by having those traits and mannerisms that I listed above. you disagree with me because you dont know what im talking about, and you dont know what im talking about because uve never tried it.

i know PLENTY of guys that possess every one of the traits and mannerisms ive listed. they are very successful in every area of their lives, especially with women. and guess what? most of them aren't exactly 10s to say the least.

Mimx, stop assuming that other people view the world through your eyes. ive read some of your other posts and frankly...your dogmatic and pessimistic closedmindedness annoys the heck outa me.

oh, and if u like science, here ya go:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/cache/MiamiImageURL/B6T6H-46MBG2V-3-2/0?wchp=dGLbVzb-zSkWz
just take a look at the first item. statistically significant with an alpha value of .01.
credit: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T6H-46MBG2V-3&_user=86449&_coverDate=09%2F30%2F2002&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000006858&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=86449&md5=578e72a8be2a399e3e56cf5751f162ca with Buss, D.M., 1989. Sex differences in human mate preferences: evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences (reference)

lovesongs, cant help but agree with what u said. personally i dont have any experience in this dept but i have seen the same with many of my friends.

All said and done it finally comes to a trade off. we all think in terms of "whats in it for me", at the end of the day we all need to make a choice. do we wanna spend the best years of our lives chasing the elusive "so called perfect" man/woman or scale down a notch and settle for something not so perfect but long lasting.

personally i believe that over 1000's of years women have had a raw deal in terms of the balance within relationships and if the tide is changing now , its about time. guys have to just accept the honest truth that what goes around comes around. give em a chance before stereotyping them..........

some scientific data i had read some time back...in the intial meetings men think in terms of how quick they can reach home base but women think in terms of potential provider for them and their offsprings.....so while one gender is looking at short term the other is looking at the long term..... perspectives , its all about perspectives.

I just have one question.


Why is this thread all stretched across the screen?

does anyone else see it too?

I had to use the arrows on the bottom to read it

its cuz i posted that extended link that didnt have any spaces x_x sorry!

its def time 4 me...i feel like if hes willing to spend time with me & get 2 know me...i mean realy kno me & still wana spend even more time with me then it goes thru ea stage in succession...

Instantly...

Friend, partner, and permanent, it's instant, no indecision.