A good friend at law school is coming home for vacation soon. We're going to tape some butcher paper to his wall with all the lawyer jokes we can find. Here's mine:

Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
A. Just two, the rest are all true.

There were two brothers one was a deaf mute who was a triffic accountant, the other was a lawyer. Both worked for a gangster. The lawyer was the only one who knew sign language and was ale to communicate and translate for his brother.

One day the gangster noticed that there was 12 million dollars missing. He called the two into his office, took out his gun and put it to the accountant's head. Then he said to the lawyer "ask your brother where the 12 million dollars went"

The lawyer signed the question to the accountant who signed back to the lawyer "tell him it's in a suitcase under the stairs"

The gangster said to the lawyer "what did your brother say?"

The laywer said to the gangser "he said you don't have enough balls to pull that trigger."

A lawyer and a priest died on the same day, and found themselves at the Pearly Gates at exactly the same time. An angel appeared, and told them that both had been accepted into Heaven, and that he would be taking them to their eternal living quarters.

They went first to where the priest would be living. One room, bed, small B&W TV, tiny radio, very basic.

The angel then took the lawyer to his living quarters. HUGE mansion with 70 inch color HDTV, state of the art stereo system, service staff, golf course, Olympic-sized pool, the works.

"I don't understand", said the lawyer. "Why do I get all this, and the priest only got that run-down room?".

"Oh, we get priests up here all the time,"said the angel. "You're the first lawyer we've ever had".

What do you call 300 lawyers at the bottom of the lake? A good start.

in a court case, a guy is being judged for murder and it seems like they got all the proof to find him guilty, except that the dead body is nowhere to be found. his lawyer, worrying that his client could be condamned to the death penalty desperately attempts something. he says to the jury that " i can assure you that the women who is thought to be dead is truly alive and will open that court door within the following seconds". and he turns towards the door and the jury goes along. ten minutes later as people are still looking at the door the lawyer says: " that was just a joke but the point is that since the jury turned to look at the door, it means that they at least gave me the benefit of the doubt, they believed and agreed with the possibility that she might still be alive. so i want you have the same attitude towards my client and not find him guilty. The jury retired and an hours later they've declared the charged guilty. The lawyer screamed "why"? And the jury said we've all looked at the door EXCEPT YOUR CLIENT



jope it is not too long and you r gonna get the funny part.

Atty: So you were there when you were shot?

Victim: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

i liked it a lot!!!

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"