I have been out of a relationship ...
for a very long time now ...
and I know that if I want to get involved with someone...
I have to make a effort... and be willing to hear know ...
I have been on a few date just not right for me ...
so now I am thinking will there be anyone that is right for me ...
I ask this ? becouse I am sitting here in some pretty...
comfortable clothing ... I have not brushed my hair yet today ... know makeup and wondering could I be like this ... if there is a man in my life ... or would I have to change to keep them ...

and if that is the case... then that would mean they do not love me ... and is all about appearances with them ...
becouse I can make myself look pretty good to go out to look for a man ... but that would feel fake to me ... and I guess that would mean love me for who I am and not how I look ... becouse I don't feel like changing then again I could attract a man but it may not be the one I believe is right for me ... unless I get dressed up ... and fake it ... so I am left confused

All of that ^^^ has left me confused, too.

Sounds like a crock of shiiiit to me. Excuses not to put yourself out there. If you want to attract someone you need to make an effort to attract them. Otherwise, just continue to sit there doing whatever it is you're doing.

hopefully we find someone who looks past the makeup..
I don't wear a lot of makeup anyway, but I do like my lipstick..
I would hope one doesn't need to change..
The other day, before I left the house, I forgot any makeup and commented on that.. my honey told me I don't need it anyway...
But,I also believe that it behooves us a bit, to not be our slobbiest either..
What is that saying? If you can't take me at my worst, you can't have me at my best ??
Just be yourself sista..

I like that... kinda like marriage valves... a little... love me now and forever ...know matter how we look at each other... your loving from the heart not the head ... thanks... I don't expect to change for anyone ...

In the animal and bird world it's nearly always the male that is the most attractive. He uses his "good looks" PLUS other ways (strength, song, dance, collections etc) of making himself attractive to females.

In the human world it's the opposite in most cases. It's the females who are made the more attractive with their beauty.. PLUS.. cosmetics, clothes etc to make themselves more attractive to win the hearts of males.

Just like in the animal and bird world it's the females who have the last say in who they choose.

So just be yourself and make the effort as anyone who is genuine will see past the make up etc and want to learn more about the inside.

Males are visual creatures so the way a female looks makes a big difference. Where females are more on the emotional side and what they hear.. I think!!

The "Holy Grail" of mates for anyone, has always been the gorgeous hunk of attractiveness who loves us when we are drinking a beer on our couch in our older shorts, and haven't exercised in recent memory.

Always been that way.

And too, people have always been admonished to "put their best foot forward" when seeking a mate, or a job, or whatever.

And too, I am often reading in forums like this one, people complaining that they left their previous mate because they DIDN'T make any effort to show that they cared.

So toting all that up, I'm not seeing any logical solution, other than the usual:

Live as you wish, and accept what does or doesn't come of it.

One thing is certain: complaining that people should NOT choose mates, based on physical attraction, has been done for thousands of years at least, and not a damn thing about human nature has been altered in response to those complaints, no matter how adroitly phrased they may be.

I'm afraid I have to agree with this ...
You don't have to change yourself for a man, become a fashion queen and plastering yourself with layers of makeup if that really isn't you.

But there is a fine line between not taking care of yourself because your sense of self isn't strong (anymore), letting things slide because of that and being someone who never dresses up or uses makeup because it's not what they're like.

Basically looking good, wanting to look good, should come from an inner sense of loving yourself. It's part of taking care of yourself. You don't do that for someone else.
If you lost that feeling, there's some work for you to do. Love of self, self-worth etc.

What you posted does sound to make you're looking for excuses to not go out anymore because you lost hope.

As for your question: a male dating guru said it's perfectly fine to not "look the part" all the time and let things slide so to speak. As long as once or twice a week you do make the effort. That doesn't mean you have to go overboard. But a man likes to see a woman who A) looks good and B) takes pleasure and pride in taking care of herself.

What if the man of your dreams walked through the door and loved your unbrushed hair?
Would you feel compelled to never brush it again?

How do you feel about clippers as a means of untangling the mess?

Double post
probably caused by a loose hair

Yes.
And he would have to change to "keep" you.
Change is inevitable and necessary when learning to communicate.

If you don't want to change (therefore fight it), and either don't want them to change or expect them to change for your benefit, then you don't really want a "relationship," you want an extension of your own ego, a vanity pet.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, it just helps you if you're honest about it.

This is the Elephant in the Room. It is the main reason you are posting this topic.



This is a desire. Worded as a stipulation to an unknown outcome.



This is self-realization that you are not doing all that you can to get the desired affect.



This is self-restrictive and negative. Essentially, you are giving yourself a reason to fail at the task at hand.



This is self-doubt. You are contemplating being dishonest with yourself as a means to an end.



This is an ultimatum you are imposing on potential suitors as a condition of failure.



This is a set up for a self-imposed barrier to your desire.



This is you contemplating being dishonest with yourself and understanding that is not a condition you are willing to impose on yourself for gaining your desire.



This is fear. Fear of becoming someone you think you are not.



This is negative delusional persuasion. You admit that you can achieve your goal but you self-deny your success.



Again, negative delusional persuasion using your morals to justify not succeeding in your goal.



This is honest and accurate.

I have looked at your profile. It conflicts with this topic. Your profile conflicts itself as well. According to what you write, you ARE looking for someone special to share yourself with. Yet you dissuade that with objections to the desire.
I considered contacting you by message but after reading what you have written I am confused as to if you even know what you really want?
I have no idea what you look like? From your profile I have no idea what you actually want? It doesn't peak my interest at all.
I see a woman, alone and yearning for someone special. I see someone that is unwilling to do much to make any significant effort to get the desired outcome.

I believe if you complain about something you should offer a solution. I am not really complaining, I am assessing but I will offer some solutions. The suggestions I offer are nothing more than suggestions. You are the only one that can decide your methodology to achieve your goal. Some may not fit you, other might and some may lead you to a different solution.

1. Get a picture up. You don't need to dress up for it, make it a normal life pic that shows you as you really are. Add a few 'Dress up' pics if you want but have the natural one as your main.

2 Remove et cetera from your interests listing. You can't add every thing you are interested in so make the entries generalized but accurate. Art implies you like art. Let the possible suitor ask you what kind, it is a reason for conversation. The interest lists are best as keywords that inspire communication. Try not to duplicate your entries.

3. Remove the negative from your summary. M2 is much more than just forums. It is a chance for you to find people with similar interests as you and a way for them to find you.

4. Be honest with your "SEEKING" reason. Relationships often start as friendships. Seeking friendship implies that it is the limit of the relationships you are looking for. If you want a relationship - make it known to potential suitors.

5. Your Blurb message is restrictive to finding a relationship. It tells anyone viewing your profile you are not really looking. Potential suitors see that and keep on going. Consider changing it to something inviting like "Message Me, Lets Talk" or something to that effect.

Nobody is ever going to be your "Perfect" match. Likewise, You will never be someone else's "Perfect" match. (The correct word is "Unlikely" but never is easier to comprehend.)

We all change every moment we are alive. Change is not bad or good it just is. Fear of change is a delusion we tell ourselves because we don't fully understand ourselves. If you can accept that you change constantly it opens you to accepting that some changes can benefit you and are controlled by you.

Your solution to your dilemma is to allow yourself to have self-confidence and understand your own desires.

Set your standards and pursue your goal.

Hello

I agree with u & theres more to a person that's important apart from what they look like on the outside.

Yes

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I found that one funny too

it took a long time after my divorce to do some of the little things ... I use to do ... I was a nail tech for many yrs but stopped doing my own nails or polish them or toe nails ... did not really care about my hair that much either ... I am a little better now ... I like dark eye liner ... and wear lip stick and blush making it as natural as I can ... when I go out ... so really I have came a long way sense then ... but if I am home I am pretty laxest on hair and makeup ...don't bother with it ... and when I go out I wear comfortable clothes... sometimes I am told I look nice ... but I am not the dress or skirt kind of person ... might attract more attention to myself ... if I did ... but that's not me ...so will not bother ... and I just have to say men will like my appearance or not just the way it goes ... and have even found some men to be real gentlemen... thanks for your opinions ... will make sure to clean my ears more too ...

How are you doing