OH nice topic..Yeah, she thinks she's an adult..but hard to talk to....like any teenager, she doesn't like my "opinions" Lol
I will keep trying....

hang in there!

LOL hang in there...just wait till they go to college!! It only gets better

Dont we all wish we knew a cure all for our kids to stop smoking.. I live in a pretty small town and have a 17 year old strong willed daughter. She digs her heels in and she isnt budging for anyone... Then she found out how strict momma can be.. She did the same things as yours .."they arent mine" yet come home smelling like smoke... well let me tell you , without a cell phone, IPod, Internet or a life in general she gave up the nasty habit really quick, well actually it took about a month of being nowhere but home. She cant smoke if shes at home..I heard her just the other day tell my 13 year old daughter that the best thing I ever did as her Mom was make her stop smoking. Even tho I was the wicked witch of the west for awhile!!!

Good luck!!

I am the middle child of three daughters as your child is. I was fortunate to have both parents around until my adult age. When I started smoking (at 21) my father frowned upon the fact that I picked up the dirty habit. But he could not criticize me for what I seen in my own home! (both my parens smoked, my two sisters smoked...and i picked it up later).

My point is...I know how hard it was for my parents to get me to quit smoking...and at 21, I was still living in their house and following their rules. When they paid me no mind about smoking, not caring, whatever, it was if my rebellion was over and I quit for a long time (until I moved out of their house after college).

I dont agree that your responsibilites as parents end once your child turns 18! That is truly a horrible way to think! Your children will need you their entire lives! Your responsibilities never end. I believe that because of my strong Asian upbringing.

Anywhoo...good luck with your daughter.

i dunno if there is anything you can do, 10 years later and my mom is still on me about it, and I'm just now trying to quit!

I would just drop the are you aren't you smoking questions because you know she is and making her promise (lie) is self defeating.

I would try taking her aside and say I know that a lot of people smoke for different reasons but I would like to know why you are smokeing? Is it a way for her to get a break at her part time jobs (why I started smoking as a teen), because it is a good way to get away from a situation (go outside and smoke while peers are doing "other" things, to drive away unwanted advances, to identify with the absent parent, to reduce appetite, calm her nerves, identify with or talk to a teacher or adult that smokes such as a work supervisor, something to do with her hands rather than bite her nails....
A woman her age is not going to take health issues seriously but you can appeal to her vanity in taking her to the dentist and have him tell her where her smokeing is damageing her teeth and gums. When he tells her she will need dentures before her children are her age that might sink in.
Take her for a facial at a mall and have them talk to her about the deterioration and ageing around her mouth and eyes.
Tell her that virtuely every dateing site identifys smokers and it limits their number of responses by as much as 80%.
That many employers openly discriminate against smokers. That in the military certain jobs restict out smokers. Other security jobs, travel such as flight attendants, many Caregiver agencies won't assign smokers with the majority of their patients, models, chef schools, ect ect
She is opting for college some sority or dorms are smoke free beside many campuses.
What you want to find out is how she is paying for her cigarettes. Selling untaxed under the counter cigarettes is common in women who smoke underadge and is a felony trafficing if she is caught buying or selling stolen cigs. Make it clear to her that Shop lifting is a serious offense and maybe she has been lucky to not get caught so far but when they get her on video tape that often the get on a list and they are monitored because retailers share this info and sooner or later she will get nailed.
I told my kids that if they were forbidden to ride in a car where someone was smoking, especialy the driver that statisticlly they were 5+ times more likely to be involved in an accident. So if they came home smelling of smoke they were grounded from the car/driver.
I would definitely make some serious consequences for her smoking.

One would be having her work permit revoked. Most states the school counselor or and you have to sign for her to work as a minor. Tell her stop smoking or you are going to her employer and tell them she can no longer work there.

The other would be taking her drivers license. She is a minor you can confiscate it or have it revoked. If not you can certainly forbid her to have your keys.

If you catch her smoking make her pay her car insurance or for a rider on her health insurance. Make her buy dental insurance. I guaranteed she will need it if she continues to smoke. Make her volunteer at a neonatal icu, a lung cancer hospice, or a maxiofacial surgeons office.



While I tend to think small rewards for smoke free periods such as going with you for manicures, haircuts, dance lessons, college visits, zoo passes, clothing would be worth the preventive medical costs but I would not even think of doing it until she attends a mandatory stop smoking program at your local free public clinics. (all you need is a kiss goodnight to know if she is complying; think she isn't there are swab tests).

I am sorry I don't buy you don't have power to stop her. You can ground her, reduce her privileges, turn her phone off. You can even buy ankle bracelets that will tell you when she is smoking. I would definitely have her drug tested to be sure that tobacco is the only drug she is useing. I would be very nerovous about inhaleants. BUT You have to decide weather you are going to be stronger willed than she is. You pick where you draw your line in the sand. FOr her sake I would hope it is before she is a pack a day smoker or seriously ill or haveing a misscarriage or premature grandchild. Good Luck

Smoking leads to addictions that you dont need. I met Sonny Barger, Pres of the Hell's Angels. He has a hole in his throat now becasue of smoking. He also goes to schools and lectures kids on the dangers of smoking. Also many people who after a lifetime of smoking have to carry an o2 tank till they die, not cool people.

Unfortunatly, she will do what she will do.
I was the only smoker in my parents house, part of my rebellion.
Talk to her like an adult, tell her no smoking in your house, & don't give her money for smokes. In this area it is illegal for minors to have cigs. Tell her she gets busted, it is her problem. Go to court with her, but let her handle the matter.

The more you push them to
stop the more they will do it
i have a 17 year old son i just
found out he's been smokeing weed
matter of fact he got kick out of
school for it,i told him he need's
to stop or he can go stay with his mom
he told me ho well that she knew about it
and didn't care,

He would be out the door then.
His choice.
My house, my rules.

well to me if she is an all around good kid then you should sit her down and have a talk.dont talk down to her,just express your concern,let her give you her reasons for smoking.Maybe she just wants to know you give a crap.
She is not the enemy,she is making the same mistakes we all made when we were teen know it alls.
My daughter took up smoking and still does despite repeated punishments when she was a teen..She is 23 now with kids and still smokes.I feel no responsibility for her choices or life.There comes a point when the child has to do a little self reflection and choose their own path in life,no matter what kind of parents they had.

Been there. Done that.
My parents were the most controlling, demanding people you ever knew. They said "Don't" so I deliberately "did"... started when I was 16, quit cold turkey while I was pregnant with both of my kids... but FINALLY kicked the habit about a year and a half ago.

There isn't anything you can do... but talk to her. Don't sway it toward what YOU want... sway it towards her. Kids are selfish- IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM... so you have to turn the talk from "Daughter, I want you to quit because" to "Daughter, I know this is what you want to do, and I don't like it, but it is your life. I don't understand WHY you choose to do this. Can you at least put it into perspective for me?"

Yes... I know- 17 is "that age"... but seriously... had my parents taken the time to hear things from my perspective instead of ruling with an iron fist, I think I would have seen it their way and kicked the habit sooner.

Good Luck.

I want to make this clear so people can STOP thinking what I said was such a horrible thing!! When I said that my responcibility stopped at 18...what I meant was that after my child turns 18 then he can really determine what he wants to do. I was a very strict parent and I had very strict rules...I am not sorry that I did!!
Once my son turned 19 and went to college...then what I taught him was what he had to go by. I was no longer responcible in the eyes of the law, he was responcible for the choices he made! I gave my son the foundation and whatever path he choses to follow is now up to him...I hope he picks the right path!!
My Lord people, I am not going to be responcible for everything my son does now. Its time that he grows up and gets his sh!t together...I think thats whats wrong with these younger kids, they know that their parents are always going to be there for them!! I think if you decide to do something stupid...then you have to pay the consequences~~I refuse to look like a bad parent that didn't teach my son the "right way!"
ITS CALLED GROW UP

19 or 90, the responsibility is your own! If you choose to smoke, its your lungs, and no one can stop you! Parents are great to be there to fall back on for support. In the end however you can no more make them stop smoking than you can make them do anything else. The worst thing you can do for them is to enable them. If they are willing to shell out 5 bucks a pack, then for gods sake stop the money flow from you to them. They are telling you that they don't need money or they wouldn't be throwing it away. I think you are right on, (unsure)!

unsure i feel the same way...you have said nothing terrible.