when you feel threatened, scared and in danger of being hurt the cowards way out is to run away and retreat... guilty admission here and not proud of it but one has to do anything to survive. life has to go on.

i know who i am and what i am and thats all that matters

i definitely do not deserve that kind of treatment

No one deserves to feel threatened, scared or in danger, because we live in a civilised society. If you are having to flee from feeling those things, you need to inform the authorities in my opinion, if only for your future protection. I sincerely hope you are safe now.

thank you so much for your concern. this fear is more of emotional ...something ive already been through in my life and sadly getting used to. I know i am a good person and that someday somehow things will get better for me. you guys here in the forums have been very nice to me keeping my confidence up and for that i am truly grateful

in the 3 months that i have been here these forums keep me sane , hopeful and realistic

i dont want to give up something that has been doing me good to me all this time

Howdy, how are you doing

i am going to be ok ... thanks

Pleased to hear you are not in any physical danger of being hurt. Trying to stay positive after a failed relationship is not easy, it takes time to recover and to heal, just try and keep life simple for awhile is my advice, things will get better.

thanks

Well, maybe a first step can be to not see yourself as a coward? That will only make you feel worse.
Everyone is afraid to get hurt (again), doesn't make us cowards.
Focus on the things that do work out, that you do do well, so you start to see yourself in a different light. No need to emphasize and enlarge the things that aren't working out, that'll only drag you down and keep you in that low vibration. Not what you want!
So start focusing on things that you do do or are. For instance, I'm a loving person! Or, if there's resistance in that because you feel being a loving person gets you hurt, you go more general --> I am a good person.
Then think things that feel good to go with that. And steer clear from the subject "men" and "relationships" because that'll get you off in the wrong direction again.

So say "I am a good person", then maybe "I like roses", I like fun. I like having fun with my gal pals. I love fun! I like dancing. I love the way my body moves when I dance. It feels so good to move to the music, to let it flow through me!

ANd so on and so forth. But only say stuff that makes you increasingly feel good.
THat's called doing a focus wheel. A technique by Abraham Hicks. If you find it difficult on your own, you can find examples of it on YouTube on love, health etc. Then you can just follow his lead. (Abraham is channeled by Esther, so you will see/hear a woman, not a man)

When threatened it will trigger one or more automatic responses such as fight, flight, freeze or figure it out.

None of which are worth labelling as cowardly if they help you survive.

Bashing yourself up when you get into figure it out mode is not a very good protection

Knowing yourself and growing yourself is not about loosing yourself it is more about transforming yourself which is an inevitable effect of growth and the alternative to growth is not an attractive proposition.

thanks Crystal

thanks i am not a coward after all

To quote Dr Phil "we teach others how to treat us"

If others are treating you as you don't want to be treated you will have to figure out either how to teach them otherwise or how best to avoid them and their actions

Nothing wrong with living to fight another day

The "cowards way out" is allowing all rational thought a backseat or to disappear entirely to purely emotional impetus, and then afterward trying to justify how that was the "right" thing to do and they are a "good" person because of it.


Nothing that says you have to be proud of everything you do.
Nothing wrong with doing things that you don't particularly take pride in.
Lack of pride doesn't mean evidence of disgrace or something to be condemned.

Being a "good" person doesn't mean that everything you do has to be labeled as "good" or even worked on to make sure you do a "good" thing instead of whatever.

Take pride in now knowing how you will react in certain situations, next step is acceptance.


It's just a natural defense mechanism.
No different than a drowning person ending up drowning their rescuer in their panic.

A "normal" person simply will do anything to survive.
There's a difference between "I have to do it" because it's expected, like due to social training, and "I have to do it," because you are being pushed by your own biology.
"I have to pee in the bushes" is different than "I have to pee right now."

Saying "one has to do anything to survive" doesn't really offer the distinction, which is important, IMO.