THE ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE IS WHEN A WOMAN IS ALL EARS AND FOCUSED ON WHAT I

AM SAYING SHE IS LOVING ME.......THAT'S ONE OF THE GREAT QUALITIES WOMEN HAVE,

THEY KNOW HOW TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER PERSON AND IT VALIDATES THE OTHER

PERSON....

I wish I had more time to respond individually to all the thought provoking posts in this thread today, but my day has been crammed with activity.
Will respond tomorrow when things slow down

But let me say this…

The list I presented in the OP, was actually identified by Pastor Gary Chapman as the 5 ways that human beings express love to each other. He suggests that people often have such a specific notion of what love looks and feels like, that they are inclined to dismiss other expressions of love that are just as valid and just as powerful.


In my mind, what he did was give credence to EVERY (wholesome) expression of love, and offered images to associate with each expression. In that way , I see him as no different to Psychologist Abraham Maslow who also applied a name to all levels of human needs, (and sneakily framed his list in a pyramid diagram

So while some posters here perceived his list as "rules" or a "transactional" or "industrial factory" approach to love, I saw it as common sense regarding how we communicate our love.

Let me offer an analogy that might help make Chapman’s theory more relatable.

In a relationship, one person is usually predominantly English speaking and the other person is predominantly Spanish speaking. (Im just using these two very different languages as an example)

If I , the predominantly English speaking person converse with the predominantly Spanish speaking person in English, the Spanish person will struggle to understand some fundamental points that I am making because they have spoken Spanish most of their lives and can not totally relate to the nuances of English.

Even if the English speaking person tries to make things easier for the Spanish speaking person by conversing in the little Spanish he knows, the Spanish person will still be somewhat confused because the English person doesn’t have a good grasp of the Spanish that the other person is fluent in.

Chapman is basically proposing that in relationships, one person is usually fluent in one language and feverishly trying to communicate that language to their mate who is usually fluent in a completely different language.

He suggests that this leaves some couples feeling frustrated and unloved by each other, when ultimately they are both being loving to each other but in a language that the other doesn’t understand. It ends up being an English speaking person and a Spanish speaking person screaming louder and louder in THEIR OWN LANGUAGE to be understood and all they end up doing is losing their voices form the screaming and giving each other a royal headache!

I didn’t explain all of this in the OP because it is clearly very long-winded , but it is in this context, that I do not perceive Chapman’s list as a set of generic rules. It is merely giving a name and CREDENCE to each expression/language of love in my opinion.

People lie. Actions don't.

Well put Peggy.

Even if you speak the same language you will inevitably at times have different meanings for the same woŕd. So even if you speak the same language you have to learn indaviduals language as well.

Not only spoken language but there is another language we all use which is our actions. We believe our actions are sendinga clare message assuming our partner knows the meaning we assign to our actions.

understanding that our understanding is not nescasarly anothers understanding is helpful in being understood. :-)

I agree. :-)
Actions are a non-verbal messages.
If a person constantly makes promises s/he doesn't deliver that is a message too. Sometimes more than one message.
It can mean that s/he takes a partner for granted, or maybe just can't or wont keep the promise for his/her reasons (lazy, tired, payback for partners mistakes, partner isn't worth it etc.)
Thousand people have thousand reasons of their own.
But in the end over the course of time actions always show true feelings.

1. Have you ever been told by an ex that you were not loving them right? In other words, have you been accused of not loving your mate IN THE WAYS THAT THEY WANT , even though you felt you were working your azz off to please them ?
Yes.

2. What expressions of love on the list did you give abundantly in the past that you felt were overlooked , underrated or ignored?
All of them. I'm not perfect but when I love someone it's 110%
Usually, if there's blame coming my way about loving someone it's not about those expressions of love but rather about my understanding of a respectful relationship which often clashes with women's controlling nature.

I beg to differ. Actions can just as easily be premeditated as words.
Such an attitude towards life and other people doesn't really show nor inspire trust. How can you expect to meet honesty when you've closed yourself off to begin with? With that attitude you will simply attract people who confirm that opinion.
You get what you exude.

Excellent observation.

One thing I have observed, about this subject area especially, is that there seems to be a natural human desire to look for simple solutions to problems. That urge comes from a number of different drives and smaller motivations within us, but those come together in a way that leads many of us to OVERSIMPLIFY everything, probably so that we can believe that we can face and deal with our challenges.

Believing that actions always tell the truth, and that only words can lie, is one of those oversimplifications, which we grasp at to try to avoid the more correct recognition that this whole living a true life thing, is damn complicated, and takes way too long to figure out.

Well, every one of us has his/her opinion.

That's what makes this forum so interesting.

I appreciate when someone shares an honest opinion even if is totally opposite one.

CrystalFairy & IgorFrankensteen thanks for sharing yours! :-)

Now thats what I call a loving attitude

x3

I don't know !!..I just try to let them know I'm thinking about them everyday.. and I do what I can for them whenever I can... outside of that if that's not good enough ..then so be it..lol

hey