Hi I've used a number of dating sites in the past as my lifestyle can be hectic at times and i don't get the chance to meet people in the normal manner of pubs and clubs as its just not my thing at all. Ive met a few people in the past some ok some made a friend and some turned out to be a mistake. Like most I've been lied to and cheated on and hurt .the thing is with sites there is deception. How do we know if the other person is actually telling the truth ? Lies from age to there relationship status. Why can people just not be honest about there situation and what they seek

From the time I was very young, and first began trying to figure out how this "relationship" thing actually works, I have seen repeatedly and without cease, that duplicity of one kind or another, is inherent to pretty much all human relations.

Not that everyone lies as crudely as the "players" and cheaters of the world, but there is certainly a fundamental foundation of misdirection and artificiality to almost everyone's efforts to connect.

I've begun to consider that it isn't just a matter of fear (exaggerating one's good points or hiding bad ones to increase desirability) or egotism, but that it's a basic requirement of all romantic communication.

Essentially, just as other species perform artificial plumage displays, or other visual behaviors to show interest in each other, we humans perform small acts of artificiality on purpose, to communicate interest.

Ultimately, perhaps, at the root of it all, is that we LIE, specifically to let the other person know that we FIND THEM DESIRABLE. It's at the root of flattery, of bragging, even of staring.

Again, I'm not trying to explain away the outright liars and victimzers as innocents. I am more noting why it is such a tricky thing, to figure out how MUCH falsehood to tolerate in someone who shows interest in us.

Well I am a wee weird in this area.
I am far too literal to lie about anything,
it simply does not occur to me to use it
as a tactic.

I believe truth has a life of its own, those
who manipulate it, get theirs in the end.

I would MUCH rather tell someone everything
negative about me (so if/when you ever meet
they are really surprised and pleased) and
let them make the call they need to stand by.

I used to have a beach rental, in describing it,
I used NO words..only pictures, I never said
anything about how the place looked.

When peeps arrived, they were stunned..I
would just smile, I had known it all along :-)

I've read on other forums that the top lies are: women their weight, men their age. I think they lie about these and other items because if they feel they aren't meeting certain popular social and online images their profile will be ignored. They will deal with their lying later. No, it isn't good, but it's what we have.

I agree. A bunch of low life scammers on dating web sites

You don't.
That's why you date them in person and experience their true life first hand in as safe manner as possible.
People can lie about themselves, they can't lie about life.

The internet is a controlled environment.
People can control what information you get.
But people can also control what that information means to themselves. But without the direct experience or body language feedback that verifies the information people have to fill in from their own heads, past experience, and bias.
So it just sets up people lying to each other, and lying to themselves, without real consequence.


People aren't naturally honest or dishonest, they're naturally driven by self interest.
Most people are honest simply because it's easiest and it doesn't matter.
Otherwise honesty is used when it's rewarded or not punished, lying only fails when it's punished.
Rewards and punishments are only effective when they're tangible and felt.

IOW they don't have to be, there's no natural reason for them to be, honesty and lying get the same meaningless punishment online, honesty can't be verified so is never rewarded, lying is perceived to have a greater chance of success due to negative perceptions of other people, and if discovered has the same consequence as being honest but undesired.


IMO the best option to determining this is to use online dating sites to set up public dates off the internet.
Then pay more attention to how they interact with their environment than to you and their potential ability to give you what you want.

Ciretom said it best ... quote -> IMO the best option to determining this is to use online dating sites to set up public dates off the internet.
Then pay more attention to how they interact with their environment than to you and their potential ability to give you what you want.


and there are plenty of red flags about ... how do you know ...
if they can not meet you off line ...
then they are being deceitful ... most of the time ... unless you have then as a online friend ... with know expectations of ever meeting them ...

IF I FIRST MET YOU AND YOU TOLD ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND YOU TOLD ME THE BAD

AND UGLY ALONG WITH THE GOOD WOULD YOU EXPECT ME TO HANG AROUND?????????????

THERE IS NOBODY ON THE PLANET POO FREE...AND I EXPECT NOTHING BUT THE GOOD STUFF

UNTILL A BUTTON IS PUSHED.....THATS WHY WOMEN WHEN THEY MEET A GUY THEY WILL

TEST HIM..............AND I EXPECT TO FAIL MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE THESE ARE

HER MOST SENSITIVE ISSUES SHE IS USING TO TEST ME....WHEN WE LOOK AT A ISSUE

AND WE SEE ITS NOT ''ALWAYS'' OR ''EVERY TIME'' ITS LIKE MAGIC THE THE ISSUE

GOES AWAY.....

hai

well the snake decieved Adam then he made Eve eat the juicy red apple. fast forward the bait was discovered to help fishermen catch the biggest fish