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Topic: Do you still get or give flowers un-occasionally?
Jimmy_roy's photo
Sun 10/16/16 02:19 PM
It was a lovely late evening and we were having dinner on bed with a romantic movie (notebook, which she had not seen surprised ) suddenly she started crying and asked me "why don't you bring flowers for me any more?".

I was bit surprised and replied that recently there hasn't been an occasion to bring one so I didn't but if you want I will get one.
Then she got angry and told "Only when I tell, you will bring??"

My night got ruined slaphead and I didn't know what to reply or say.
So was it the movie or the un-occasional flower which got me in trouble??

no photo
Sun 10/16/16 02:36 PM
Think about it for a while. You already know the answer to this.

no photo
Sun 10/16/16 03:09 PM
Do you still get or give flowers un-occasionally?

No.
Not since I learned the majority of flowers come from Colombia, and the U.S. subsidizes Colombia to grow flowers in order to keep the fields from being planted with coca leaves in an attempt to reduce the drug trade.
So I'd basically be paying for them twice and supporting drug dealers.

I'd rather get her a cute teddy bear that was made in China.
Or Chocolate from cocoa and sugar grown in Africa.
That's much less objectionable.
Hahahahaha.

So was it the movie or the un-occasional flower which got me in trouble??

What got you in trouble is it seems you are starting to take her for granted. Like a car.

"why don't you bring flowers for me any more?"

= "I'm a person, you should think about me, care about who I am as an individual, what I'm feeling, value my life, I'm not here just to provide a relationship to you!"

there hasn't been an occasion to bring one

= "But your oil light didn't come on."

Then she got angry and told "Only when I tell, you will bring??"

= "You'll give a crap and think about me only when my oil light comes on? I only matter when you may not get what you want from me? You aren't motivated to think about me unless I call attention to myself?"


which got me in trouble?

You got yourself in trouble.

sybariticguy's photo
Sun 10/16/16 05:14 PM
The issue is greater than the flowers she is emotionally starved and he does not have a clue.. His lack of emotion and its needed daily expression is crucial if he is to get back with her.. this has been going on for some time,. so token flowers may be too little and too late. Perhaps a course in couples communication might help stem the likelihood of her soon departure for someone more emotional and thoughtful on a daily basis...

TMommy's photo
Sun 10/16/16 05:36 PM
Every now an' then, on my home
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few
Cause she don't tell me to
I go out with my boys all right
But most of the time I call it a night before they do
Cause she don't tell me to
Sunday mornin', I'm in church
An' my butt an' my back an' necktie hurt, but I'm in the pew
She don't tell me to

Any other woman I know would have tried
To control me and it would be over
Blame it on my goin' on my own way attitude
All of that stubbornness melts away
When I wake with her head on my shoulder
An' I know I've got to love her
Until my life is through
Cause she don't tell me to

Well, I got demons and I've got pride
But when I'm wrong, I apologize like she's mine to lose
Cause she don't tell me to
Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine
But nothin' that I wouldn't lay aside if she asked me to
Cause she don't tell me to
An' she don't even know
That she keeps lookin' for the next right thing to do
Cause she don't tell me to
Yeah, yeah

Any other woman I know would have tried
To control me and it would be over
Blame it on my goin' on my own way attitude
And all of that stubbornness melts away
When I wake with her head on my shoulder
An' I know I've got to love her
Until my life is through
What else can I do
What else can I do
Whoa, I love her
Cause she don't tell me to
She don't tell me to

no photo
Sun 10/16/16 06:54 PM
Picking a fight over a movie scene?...She's sleeping with someone else, for sure.sad2

Annierooroo's photo
Sun 10/16/16 09:35 PM
Wow even I would saying what the heck is wrong with you woman? frustrated

Is she high maintenance?
If so run man run scared

Does she thinks you have to buy her things all the time?
Tell her to pay for it herself, you're not wallmart. laugh

To be honest if I were you after that I would have picked a weed flower and given it to her. rofl

Is not your company good enough?




Jimmy_roy's photo
Sun 10/16/16 11:56 PM

Think about it for a while. You already know the answer to this.

Really confused here what
But reading some replies I feel my answer would be the fuel to the fight. If so what to do now???

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 12:10 AM

Do you still get or give flowers un-occasionally?

No.
Not since I learned the majority of flowers come from Colombia, and the U.S. subsidizes Colombia to grow flowers in order to keep the fields from being planted with coca leaves in an attempt to reduce the drug trade.
So I'd basically be paying for them twice and supporting drug dealers.

I'd rather get her a cute teddy bear that was made in China.
Or Chocolate from cocoa and sugar grown in Africa.
That's much less objectionable.
Hahahahaha.

So was it the movie or the un-occasional flower which got me in trouble??

What got you in trouble is it seems you are starting to take her for granted. Like a car.

"why don't you bring flowers for me any more?"

= "I'm a person, you should think about me, care about who I am as an individual, what I'm feeling, value my life, I'm not here just to provide a relationship to you!"

there hasn't been an occasion to bring one

= "But your oil light didn't come on."

Then she got angry and told "Only when I tell, you will bring??"

= "You'll give a crap and think about me only when my oil light comes on? I only matter when you may not get what you want from me? You aren't motivated to think about me unless I call attention to myself?"


which got me in trouble?

You got yourself in trouble.


I didn't knew that..thanks that info but I guess flowers will not go out of business. As per the trouble yeah I feel my reply got me in trouble but it was a honest answer nothing hidden in that.

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:12 AM


An old Irish folk song ....
He remembers the first time he met her
He remembered the first thing she said
He remembered the first time he held her
And the night that she came to his bed.

He remembers her sweet way of sayin'
Honey has something gone wrong
He remembered the fun and the teasin'
And the reason he wrote her this song.

Chorus:
I'll give you a daisy a day dear
I'll give you a daisy a day
I'll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away.

They would walk down the street in the evening
And for years I would see them go by
And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore
Could be seen in the gleam in their eyes.

As a kid they would take me for candy
And I'd love to go taggin' along
We'd hold hands while we walked the corner
And the old man would sing her this song.

Chorus:
I'll give you a daisy a day dear
I'll give you a daisy a day
I'll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away.

Now he walks down the street in the evening
And he stops by the old candy store
And I somehow believe he's believin'
He's holdin' her hand like before.

For he feels all her love walkin' with him
And he smiles at the things she might say
Then the old man walks up to the hill top
And gives her a daisy a day.

Chorus:
I'll give you a daisy a day dear
I'll give you a daisy a day
I'll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away...


Well jimmy ... It is unfair of her to compare you with the fantasy world of movie land .. Especially when it comes to romance .. . But ultimately I think it is your response that got you in to trouble ... Now if you Send her flowers especiallt while she is angry .. She will feel it is not because you want to but because you have to . Perhaps do something different.. It need not cost money ... .. Run her a bath with candles and rose petals in the water . Surprise her with a dessert with pretty edible flowers .. I am sure you can be creative :-)

Hey Blondey, that is a great idea but no flowers right now. Candle light dinner or bath could change that mood but I did that last weekend so something different is what I need to do..creative is my middle name bigsmile

inni_dreamz's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:17 AM
Personally, I am not a big fan of cut flowers. They just die.

I think your girl friend is asking for some attention vs. wanting flowers.

I agree - some other gesture would likely be your best bet at this point.

Reminds me of a saying: The grass is always greener where you water it.

I think we all like to feel special, even if we've been in a relationship for awhile. Keep the romance alive, and that sort of thing. :)

Good luck!

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:24 AM

The issue is greater than the flowers she is emotionally starved and he does not have a clue.. His lack of emotion and its needed daily expression is crucial if he is to get back with her.. this has been going on for some time,. so token flowers may be too little and too late. Perhaps a course in couples communication might help stem the likelihood of her soon departure for someone more emotional and thoughtful on a daily basis...

Emotionally starved?? Bro I think you don't know me or follow my post. I have been with her and provided support to her in all her issues. But yeah I too think it is more than flowers here but I am confused what is it..what

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:26 AM

Every now an' then, on my home
I stop at a spot where the wild flowers grow, an' I pick a few
Cause she don't tell me to
I go out with my boys all right
But most of the time I call it a night before they do
Cause she don't tell me to
Sunday mornin', I'm in church
An' my butt an' my back an' necktie hurt, but I'm in the pew
She don't tell me to

Any other woman I know would have tried
To control me and it would be over
Blame it on my goin' on my own way attitude
All of that stubbornness melts away
When I wake with her head on my shoulder
An' I know I've got to love her
Until my life is through
Cause she don't tell me to

Well, I got demons and I've got pride
But when I'm wrong, I apologize like she's mine to lose
Cause she don't tell me to
Well, I got dreams in this heart of mine
But nothin' that I wouldn't lay aside if she asked me to
Cause she don't tell me to
An' she don't even know
That she keeps lookin' for the next right thing to do
Cause she don't tell me to
Yeah, yeah

Any other woman I know would have tried
To control me and it would be over
Blame it on my goin' on my own way attitude
And all of that stubbornness melts away
When I wake with her head on my shoulder
An' I know I've got to love her
Until my life is through
What else can I do
What else can I do
Whoa, I love her
Cause she don't tell me to
She don't tell me to

That is beautiful and yeah I feel the same about her and I do thinks with her telling me but in this case not sure what is wrong??

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:27 AM

Picking a fight over a movie scene?...She's sleeping with someone else, for sure.sad2

Yeah with my pillow that night..frustrated sad

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:29 AM

Personally, I am not a big fan of cut flowers. They just die.

I think your girl friend is asking for some attention vs. wanting flowers.

I agree - some other gesture would likely be your best bet at this point.

Reminds me of a saying: The grass is always greener where you water it.

I think we all like to feel special, even if we've been in a relationship for awhile. Keep the romance alive, and that sort of thing. :)

Good luck!

Not romantic??? having dinner in each other's arms on bed with notebook movie..not sure what is more romantic then that..what

Jimmy_roy's photo
Mon 10/17/16 11:29 AM

Wow even I would saying what the heck is wrong with you woman? frustrated

Is she high maintenance?
If so run man run scared

Does she thinks you have to buy her things all the time?
Tell her to pay for it herself, you're not wallmart. laugh

To be honest if I were you after that I would have picked a weed flower and given it to her. rofl

Is not your company good enough?





I serious don't know..but I feel my reply has to do something with it. Till that time everything was so romantic..suddenly things went south and I was on couch frustrated
But she is not high maintenance or money minded and that is puzzling me

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Mon 10/17/16 01:12 PM
Edited by IgorFrankensteen on Mon 10/17/16 01:13 PM
Suggestion:

look for the very likely fact, that this outburst of hers is not directly factual. Hence your confusion.

What I suspect has happened, is that she has been bothered by SOMETHING for quite a while, pondered it and worried at it, and had trouble putting it in to words that even she understood.

And then you saw this very soppy movie about extreme romance.

That was a TRIGGER, not a cause. And what she told you wasn't the PROBLEM, it was the closest she has yet been able to come to a SOLUTION to whatever it is that is bothering her.

My own guess, is that what has been bothering her for a very ling time now, is that her expectations (fantasies) about how your and her lives together are SUPPOSED to be going, has failed to match reality more and more every day. She expected some variation of a happily ever after story, and the two of you have instead slipped into a very common holding pattern of normal, mundane life.

She is scared that she has made wrong choices in order to find herself in this situation, and is struggling to figure out what to do to explain and maybe fix it.

She settled on "spontaneous non-sexual demonstrations of affection," because those are the most common elements in her vision of how life SHOULD be, as well as being so easy for you to have done, that she worries that you are incapable of being that kind of person at all.

What you can do, is recognize that this is complicated for her. She has to deal with her own advancing age, the fact that the world isn't cooperating to make any of her dreams or wishes come true, and that you in particular, have shown that you have ACCEPTED that this is what life is.

Try to find out patiently what ELSE is bothering her, as you train yourself to add more inexpensive attentiveness to how you deal with her.

Best I can do on a short session.


inni_dreamz's photo
Mon 10/17/16 03:48 PM


Personally, I am not a big fan of cut flowers. They just die.

I think your girl friend is asking for some attention vs. wanting flowers.

I agree - some other gesture would likely be your best bet at this point.

Reminds me of a saying: The grass is always greener where you water it.

I think we all like to feel special, even if we've been in a relationship for awhile. Keep the romance alive, and that sort of thing. :)

Good luck!

Not romantic??? having dinner in each other's arms on bed with notebook movie..not sure what is more romantic then that..what



Good point, that was very romantic.


Annierooroo's photo
Mon 10/17/16 04:22 PM


Wow even I would saying what the heck is wrong with you woman? frustrated

Is she high maintenance?
If so run man run scared

Does she thinks you have to buy her things all the time?
Tell her to pay for it herself, you're not wallmart. laugh

To be honest if I were you after that I would have picked a weed flower and given it to her. rofl

Is not your company good enough?





I serious don't know..but I feel my reply has to do something with it. Till that time everything was so romantic..suddenly things went south and I was on couch frustrated
But she is not high maintenance or money minded and that is puzzling me


If she is not high maintenance why did she ask and why are you on the couch?
Doesn't add up to me?
Look for other signs to what is actually going on.

no photo
Mon 10/17/16 04:33 PM

It was a lovely late evening and we were having dinner on bed with a romantic movie (notebook, which she had not seen surprised ) suddenly she started crying and asked me "why don't you bring flowers for me any more?".

I was bit surprised and replied that recently there hasn't been an occasion to bring one so I didn't but if you want I will get one.
Then she got angry and told "Only when I tell, you will bring??"

My night got ruined slaphead and I didn't know what to reply or say.
So was it the movie or the un-occasional flower which got me in trouble??



Your night got ruined? Got you in trouble?

Grow a set of balls. Go to the kitchen, make a sandwich, flip on ESPN sports on the big screen and tell her to stay where she is,(watching her movie on her tablet in the bedroom), and to stop in and see you when she grows up a bit.

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