Oh, and I also agree with Dean about dating someone from work. BAD IDEA! Of course, having casual sex with someone from work is just as bad, if not worse.

Remember the words of ole Knox:

Never, EVER, dip your pen into the company ink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well ive done that with my ex ... she was interesting at the time ...she had kids i dint want anything to do with kids
i made her aware of that fact ... she seemed fine with the idea of just being friends ... then she did the same as you and we went a little farther .... not too long after we were an actual couple ... i knwo its not for everyone kids are tough... im pretty sure he could get used to the child(ren) but thats up to him ... just rememebr that the break up is going to be alot harder because of the kids if it doesnt work out

good luck ... go for it if you feel somehting there

Thanks for all the replies, they're very helpful and appreciated. Although majority rules that it's a booty call (bummer! lol), I am going to go with the flow. I myself am not actually ready for anything too serious at the moment, so the casualness of it was working for me, but I did have hopes that there would be a future. My daughter has never met him and never will unless we are "official" and I think the time is right. But anyway - in the end I know he is the one missing out and it just wasn't right, and theres better men out there for me! As long as I can get my feelings under control, the "booty call" thing is working pretty well on my behalf too ; ) haha

he will disappear when he gets laid a few times just a honest assessment

bit's a booty call he'll be there till he finds his next lady

YOU KNOW GUYS ,GIRLS GO AFTER GUYS THEY KNOW WONT STAY ITS A BOOTY CALL FOR THEM TOO......................

Hope I am not too late to answer this. I mean, I see you have made up your mind and all, but I will still post my thoughts.

Holly, I really....really...wanna tell ya this is not a booty call. And you know what, I, like the majority here, could very well be wrong. I know guys get confused sometimes, but (and this is coming from a guy) it is because we confuse ourselves. Or, the woman aids in the confusement and that just messes with our minds. That is why we need mind pills nowadays. Anyways, the guy told you first hand that he couldn't see himself with a woman with a kid right? You even mentioned the "RED LIGHT" going off. So, this is how the scenario, within his mind, went down.

First of all, he realized that as soon as he said "No kids" that he had messed up. You throw the red light up, and then all of a sudden he has to rethink his strategy. He is nice to you, you become friends, and then the one night he was hoping for happens. You two have sex. Nothing wrong with that, but the simple fact of the matter is, he just got what he wanted. You did too, but it is obvious you want more than he does (or did...I will explain this in a minute).

So, now you two are having sex, and are not "official" yet. He has yet to see your child. I am wondering if you have brought this up to him? About why he had a change of heart? Cause, I can honestly say I think his answer went along the lines of, "Well, I thought about, and if things can work between us, then I will love your kid no matter what.". Holly...guys use this line alot. Some mean it....others don't. Judging by his initial reaction, I would lean towards him not meaning it. But, you could help change his views. He might fall for you and then fall in love with your kid. I mean, in order for him to be with you, he has a package deal to accept. And while he might do it for awhile, I feel he is only doing it for the sex. Like I said, I could be wrong and this guy could be Mr. Right for you.

Now, I realize that he could have played like this. He could have said, "Hell yes. I love kids" and been just looking for sex. That would mean he is a smart player. But, he had an initial reaction, and no matter what anyone says, those initial reactions say alot about a person. But, you know this guy better than I do, so what the hell do I know?

Anyways, I wish you well and hope this turns out like you envision it will.

holly-

i want to throw out a few thoughts... i dunno if you've thought about 'em or not...so..here they are...


"he said he was interested...but could not handle the responsibility of a child."

that should tell you he thinks enough of you to give this kinda answer, knowing you'd get the 'red flag' afterwards...like goof said, he had an initial reaction..that speaks volumes

"went past the lines of friendship...which...doesn't mean anything ....when we're together he seems so into me"

gettin involved with you, knowing you have a child, he's been thinking...he has to know that you're going to wonder about this again...

he's been thinking, of this i have no doubt, he's doubting his decision, and i think he wants to be with you, but wants to take things slow enough that there's no pressure

hope things work well for you

I KNOW FROM MY LIFE EXPERIANCES THAT I DID NOT WANT KIDS NOR DID I WANT TO RAISE SOMEONES BUT I WENT ON TO HAVE 6 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND DATED MANY WEMEN WITH KIDS IT HELP ME ACCEPT THEM I WISH I HAD KNEW IT WAS SO MUCH CHEAPER TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE THEIR CHILD OR CHILDREN THEN HAVE A BUNCH AND REALISE I WAS MISTAKEN,FOR BEING YOUNG AND DUMB IS PART OF GROWING UP AND I THINK THAT I PASSED UP A LOT OF GOOD WEMEN FOR MY SELFISH WAYS...

Maybe he is getting to know you. Perhaps he is confused himself. Good luck though!

Why not just ask him how he really feels and just be straight up about things. Just tell him you are okay with the casual thing, but you want to make sure that is what it is... Or something along that line. I've been there and I can get pretty stressed out when I'm not sure what the guy is really thinking and I start creating my own visions of whats going on so really the only way I have found is to make the guy tell you what the hell he's thinking. If that's a possibility! :)

Good luck with everything :)

LOL, no it means I don't want any children, so I'm not having any. :)

your hotness!!!!

As a rule of thumb, I have learned (the hard way) this small bit of poetry...

"Never get your honey... where you make your money..."

If and when the relationship goes bad, it makes for a (potentially) miserable work place you have to go to every day...

My experience was this... I dated a girl I worked with one time... until I found out she was also doing about 3 or 4 other guys from work at the same time, just on different nights... then I had to live with that after we parted ways... yuck... never again for me...

This the short poem above...

Oh girly...
I think it's a booty call...
men... I just don't get them sometimes...

put your red flags up, its a booty call!!!

I don't think there is a right answer. The guy could be confused. As always honesty is the best policy. Most relationships start out as fun and excitement. The people involved think they can just enjoy it and handle things as they develop. The next thing you know hearts are broken. This may be the cycle of life. So do you enjoy the moment because life is short? Or do you worry about the future? Everyone has to decide what is best for them.

DUMP HIM LIKE A HOT ROCK

DUMP HIM LIKE A HOT ROCK

I had this thought...

1) you told him you have kid(s)

2) he told you he doesn't like or want kids

(not necessarily in that order...)

If you have not re-enforced the concept above back to him in the form of "hey what's up, you are still coming on to me and you said you don't like kids"... then the responsibility is in your hands to do so...

You need to be clear in what is going on... because... if you accept him as someone who doesn't like kids, and you allow him to keep making advances, THEN you lead him on in the relationship and by allowing his advances after the fact is known (points 1 & 2 being "the fact") then it is your fault for the misunderstanding. He told you plainly what he did not like, and it is you who have looked the other way in order to fulfill your need for attention, affection, sex, love or whatever it is you get from this guy.

It seems you do not want to believe what he said when he told you plainly he did not like kids. The ability to ignore wrong or corrupted thinkings is what we call "love is blind"... meaning... your desire to be touched, cuddled, etc. is running your hormones at an accelerated pace, and you aren't thinking correctly. Thus "love is blind"... not saying you have a "deep love" for the guy, that's not the same. What I am saying is that the human organism has a mating call within that is run chemically and attached to endorphins that can be very powerful in swaying your rational thought process.

From where I sit, knowing only his statement "I don't like kids" I think it is a relationship bound for disaster. If you accept him "as he is" and allow yourself to be drawn into this relationship, then don't be surprised at a later date when he tells you again "I don't like kids"... because he doesn't... get used to it, and stop lying to yourself that he might be (ahem) "changing."

The only changes I see is that you "let it go passed the friendship level"... and this was your responsibility, its your body, its your mind.. you are in control and responsible for those things. You made that decision, for yourself, all 0on your own. To be mixed up with this guy who (let me use a stronger word) "hates" kids.

Somehow you have convinced yourself that a black wall is actually red. Or a blade of green grass is actually purple. He hates kids, and that is his color, and you need to ackowledge this before you get yourself hurt.

I also think trying to date someone at work is a really crappy idea. You have terrible fore-sight in that when this relationship does finally go to hell, you have no idea how miserable it is to be in the same office or situation with that person after things go south.

I would also add... and this is my thought about people who date at work... are you so dis-connected socially that you cannot find romance some other place? There are men literally every where. I hate bares, but men are in grocery stores, libraries, here on JSH, at gas stations, in line at places you pay your bills, and literally as I said... every where.

Since you are attempting to date someone from your work place, I am assuming you do not get out anywhere, and have little contact or social life outside of work. Thus, the only place left is to date some guy from work from the desperation of loneliness you feel due to a lack of knowledge on how to achieve success somewhere else in society.

My suggestion would be to join some kind of mixed group of singles in any aspect of life, and let it happen naturally OUTSIDE of your work culture. Typically there are possibly dozens of things you could be doing outside of work, but you are possibly too home-bound to get out and make it happen for yourself.

This is my assumption when I find someone attempting to date someone at work. I feel these types of people usually do not have much of a social life outside of work (typically folks who work 2nd or 3rd shifts have this trait) and the person needs to train themselves to look elsewhere for love and romantic involvement.

A typical story is one from a friend of mine who is a chef at a major vacation resort restaurant. He works so many hours at the restaurant that he has very little social life outside of either work or home. In the last 10 years he has told me about at least a dozen women he has fell for AT WORK, and I have not heard of even one situation where he has dated anyone else besides someone from work.

Every single time, he fails... it goes like this... he sees some new employee start up at the restaurant... he works his way close to them until he asks them out... they go out... most times it is a one-time ordeal, and then he pines and whines about why the other person doesn't like him. He is therefore tortured by the fact that each day he sees this person, and is continually reminded of the rejection. This continues until some new person arrives at work and the cycle starts all over again... beginning in his false hope, always ending in failure. He has no social life outside of work, but he doesn't recognize the need to "get out" and just go do things around PEOPLE.

Simply mingling in society is bound to bring one closer to the opposite sex than sitting on the couch or daydreaming at work.

That's my 2 cents...

I'll put it very strict here...

GET OUT... and stop being a loser who dates people from work... I can't put it any more plainly than that... you are not a loser... but your hormones and loneliness are working against you.

Get dressed up nice, and go to the mall... then while there, smile at every male person, regardless of age, height, body size... and see what that does for your self esteem.

You can do better than some kid-hating dude from your workplace.

But it is in YOUR hands to make the change... or suffer the consequences of the extreme agony you are setting yourself up for when this relationship goes to hell. Believe me, this will be an experience you DOP NOT wish even upon your worst enemy... (well, I can think of some people I could wish it on... LOL)

A lot of folks can beat around the bush on this topic, but I tend to be a straight shooter and "tell-it-like-it-is"

In the long run, remember just one undeniable truth... about truth... "and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free"...

Philosophical... yes... true?... very yes...

I'm just watching your back, sister...



TM