I've lived single and casual for years now, Every one of friends that is in a relationship does nothing but complain about their relationship. Seems to that if we'd just let of ideas ownership and emotions like jealousy we'd all be happier.

You mean relationshits I'm sure.
Yes they suck. I've been single for years now and I love it. Ever since my place is woman-free my life has been stress-free.
Coincidence? I think not.

Ah but complaining about relationships does not necessarily mean they want out. We women love to have moan about our fellas. But it doesn't really mean much. It's just a bit of fun usually (unless they have a seriously bad partner).

I've found that women together will moan a bit but balance it with sharing all the nice stuff about their lover as well. But men tend to be less forthcoming about the sloppy stuff. Maybe I'm wrong.

I don't think all relationships suck. Most start out wonderful but become hard work. For those that can't be bothered to put the effort in then eventually yes they suck and most people think moving on to a fresh one is the solution when it needn't have been

Topic: Relationships suck

. . . and grapes are sour.

but yet..still on a dating site...hmmmm

this stuff is so funny.....ever wonder why one person is successful and has

everything and yet another person has nothing...??????....is it just the

world pulling our strings..???????....you think we can pull our own strings..??

u nailed it

We're "just here for the Forum"

.

Boy what a mess

I'm sensing a theme...

You see a pattern developing here?

I think he meant "if we let go of ideas..."

But yeah every relationship has its issues. The problem I tend to see more often is people stepping on their partner, using them, abusing them, lying, cheating etc... There's no trust, hope, faith or actually love. It's disheartening.

Some people might prefer to be alone and that's fine, others don't want that and that's fine too.

Letting go of ideas of ownership - I like that.

When in a relationship your mate doesn't belong to you. Yes that's true. We should all keep our own identity as an individual. But when you do commit to a partnership you are agreeing to certain 'rules' about what is acceptable. If you choose and agree on an 'open' relationship and can handle that degree of uncertainty well that's all good. But most of us require faithfulness and trust and it's when they are compromised that the jealousy and other destructive feelings and behaviours creep in and rot the love.

The trouble is honesty isn't always straightforward. For example I met a guy once and we were very strongly attracted to eachother. We talked about it and he was honest - he couldn't make any promises, he loved women and wasn't looking to commit to a long-term relationship. I wasn't willing to be another notch on his bedpost. But a little voice whispered well what if we gave it a go and he might change?? I might be the one to change him. But I didn't listen to the voice and I saved myself from the agony of jealousy. But how many of us have listened to those little voices and pretended to the object of our crush that we are willing to go along with their terms of relationship when all along we knew we were fooling ourselves. This leads to a very puzzled lover who can't quite figure out where it all went wrong

That word again pretend.

No man is an island...we're social critters. Our relationships mold us into what we are. Good or bad we still continue to evolve into whatever

To me that's like saying "Jobs suck...I've lived unemployed and casual for years now."


And single people seem to do nothing but complain about their lack of relationships.
Or, because they're so happy being single, go to dating websites and decry relationships.


Without "ideas of ownership" there's no real reason to fight for something.
Some guy starts molesting your neighbors wife.
At the same time some guy starts molesting your wife.
Who do you protect?

Do you feel threatened that something is endangering what's "yours" and immediately react? "Get off MY wife!"

Or do you stop and think "Hmmm...I don't feel ownership of either woman. Let's see, my neighbor made me cookies yesterday, but my wife hasn't made them for me for 2 months, so I'm more inclined to want to stop the guy molesting my neighbors wife because she made me feel the happiest most recently...but my wife helps with bills so in the more long term it might be better to save my wife.
But...if he kills my wife I get a million dollar life insurance payout.
Also, since I don't own her, then helping her might be saying I don't trust her to help herself, or that I see her as weak, so I might be impugning her identity if I help her.
I know! I'm going to go on the internet and ask people on the forums to help validate my decision, and then see if the guy is still molesting my wife or if I need to do anything."

"Ideas of ownership" mean you take something as part of your identity and how you see yourself. Without it you are lesser, compelling you to protect it because you are ultimately protecting yourself, triggering a part of your will to live.

"Ideas of ownership" have purpose.


drive you to actually show someone you give a crap.
To realize you are always in competition with others and to try harder to keep something.

If either (ownership ideas, jealousy emotions) turn into destructive behavior? "I'm jealous! I need to get into fights, scream, and punch things! I own you! I'm going to try and control everything or I'm going to beat you if you don't realize that" it simply = a failure of society and parents to properly teach how to use emotional motivation to a selfish and/or damaged child that lashes out.

Other than that:

If the government would just hand everyone a job, food, a house, and enough heroin to keep them constantly high for their entire life that would lead to people being "happier" too.

If your only purpose in life is to be "happy" that is easily accomplished with a needle.

IME people that complain about relationships don't really see that they have a purpose.
Relationships aren't heroin substitutes to make people "happy."
They serve a purpose, and as a byproduct they offer happiness as an incentive to pursue them. "Happiness" is a present not a purpose.

IME the people that are always talking about wanting to find "happiness" or that happiness is inherently "good" never really grew up.
They had crap parents that gave them food, shelter, clothing, video games, comfort and succor, coddling, and people are trying to recreate that as they get older and their parents stop.

Stupid people get into relationships, ask "am I happy?," and then leave when they aren't.
The question should always be "is this relationship fulfilling its purpose?"

And if the only purpose you see for the relationship is to provide happiness, the failure is in you, not the relationship.

every married person either got divorced or is in a marriage where they are not happy or just sticking it thru. Marriage only works between ugly people with no other options.

hahahahahahahahahaha
Well, plenty to pick from then :-)

This again.

Simplified version:

"Relationship" means all KKKKHHHHAAAAAIIINNDS of different things to different people.

If you ASSUME that the box labeled "Relationship" that you ordered blind, is going to contain exactly what you had in mind for what all boxes labeled "Relationship" should contain, the chances that you will be disappointed and possibly even angered by what actually turns out to be in there, is very very high.

What we have here, is another thread started by someone who ordered two or more "Relationship" boxes, and none of them chanced to contain what they wanted, hence they decided that ALL such boxes contain the wrong things.

Good answer. Agree. Most things in life fall short of our unrealistic expectations. Comes of being brought up watching Disney films, Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons