I know there are hateful people that treat others terribly because of their choices in life

I hate how those people cause anyone that disagrees with those choices to be painted with the same hateful brush

I have loved ones in all types of lifestyles that I dont agree with

I have some that are heavy drinkers and hang out getting drunk with others
I choose not to participate in those activities with them but thats different from not having anything to do with the person

the same is true with alternate sexual lifestyles, I dont agree with adultery, or homosexual lifestyle, or prostitution, or promiscuity or a number of sexual choices,, but that only means I choose not to live that way or be in the middle of those activities with others,, not that I 'hate' anyone

my father did not agree with interracial relationships when I was younger, so out of respect , I did not engage in romantic type activity with anyone of another race in his presence, I did not ask him or get offended if he didnt choose to participate in any activities where I would be engaging in any romantic activity with another race

my father loved me dearly, but didnt agree with interracial romances


similarly, I dont agree with homosexual romances, but I have had many homosexual loved ones , I dont love them any less and certainly dont 'hate' them because of their lifestyle, they love me enough to understand my feelings of disapproval and to refrain from the 'romantic' activity around me


is mutual respect possible when it comes to lifestyle choices? or is it always 'embrace and accept the lifestyle or you hate the person', type of thing?

When I was younger I never understood people who feel it's their mission in life to make everyone conform to their ideals. Now I just except that they are small minded and incapable of grasping the bigger picture. When I joined the NAVY and started to see the world and its many divers cultures my philosophy became "as long as you don't try to force your views on me we won't have any problems."

If you choose to participate or not to participate in something that's your choice and if people look down on you for your choices then you don't really need them. What makes it hard is when these people are family, but I'm also the type of person that doesn't associate with half of my relatives because every time I see them they try to tell me how I should be living.

Great thread Ms H.

I have deep convictions about this.

My friends and loved ones are as diverse as yours are, and have included homosexuals, adulterers, a former drug pusher, a drug user, a poly-amerous male. atheist, hindus and muslims.

I have never done or sold drugs,(never even smoked a cigarette),never cheated on a mate, never been gay or promiscuous , and although Im not a strict christian, I believe in the Holy Trinity.

I have friends whose tones are so loud and crass that they feel like broken glass in my ears , but their hearts are soooo good.

And there is no pretense between these people and myself either. We are mutually transparent to each other about the parts of each other's lifestyle that the other person doesnt agree upon.

Have there been heated discussions among us? Yes. Have any of us changed our minds about what we believe? Nope. lol But we are more enlightened now as to why we believe what we believe, and its the understanding and respect of whats different between us, and our ability to focus on the fundamentals we have in common, that keeps us united.

I think its totally possible to love a person without approving of their opinions or their lifestyle ...,

But its NOT easy.

I respect someone's right to choose

religion, sexual orientation, politics, whether to do drugs, abuse booze or mess around on their spouses, be a good parent or not care


I believe in our right to choose what we want..free will baby


now having said that...I also believe in my right not to tolerate

or be around those who are making choices in their lives that are harming

themselves or those around them

that is my choice


I can sit in these classes with college kids that making signs and leading the LGBT parades on campus

but that does not mean I approve of their choice or applaud them for making them..


I only accept that they have the right to make the choice

Love of someone means acceptance of their choices for their own life, no matter how clever, or stupid, or counterproductive, or self destructive the choices seem to be. You can inform, guide, or educate, but in the end it's their life, their mistakes, and learning.
If you have to meddle with someone or restrict them in order to love them, then you didn't love them in the first place.
Anything other than freedom of expression (in all senses) is restriction - control - not love.
You don't have to hang around to watch a train wreck of a life, to love them.
All of the people I love are totally free. Here I am. :)

This is a multi-dimensional concern, and I want to bring that out a bit.

I want to suggest we take a closer look at the concepts of RESPECT, and of ACCEPTANCE. I find that they are not as simple as is most often suggested.

If you claim, for example, to respect another person's differences from you, but require that they HIDE those differences from you at all times, does that really qualify as respect? Is that true acceptance?

I'm not taking a side in this, I have as many things that I don't like about others, which I wont tolerate in front of me either.

I always try to treat others as much as I can, with the respect of equals, but there will always be limits.

I do think it's important, though, not to blind ourselves, and praise ourselves too much, just because we don't shoot people who offend us.

If by respect you mean tolerance and civility, sure.

If you mean deep admiration and support, no.


Mostly on the internet where things have to be black and white, you're either for us or against us, part of the solution or part of the problem.

Otherwise, that's ultimately how all groups that have an identity believe.
But there are more options.
Like "embrace and accept our lifestyle, hate us so we can fight against you, don't bother us at all and we won't directly attempt to bother you, act or be ignorant of our existence and if it suits our purposes we'll ignore you."

Everyone belongs to groups. "Lifestyle" is simply another name for "group identity influencing self identity."


I respect someone's right to choose only if they know they are actually making a choice, truly understand what and all they're choosing, know that every choice they make affects and effects others, and are willing to accept responsibility for the consequences of their choice.

Is this another damn GAY topic? I REALLY hate that!

Well, I hate topics in which a complete stranger asks others for intimate details about their private lives . . . but I get over it.

Hello popcorn!

Apparently not.

I checked the schedule. It is your week to provide the popcorn.

yes, I do believe what may be seen as 'hiding' is more a matter of not putting it on display and consideration,,,we hardly ever are showing everything about ourselves at all times, we choose proper place and proper time for what we show'

thats life'


allowing part of that choice to involve how others feel is as good a criteria as any when choosing which things to 'hide'

we tone our behavior based on our environment, thats just consideration

It is very possible to have mutual respect for others lifestyle,having been in the Bar biz for 22 years I have met a lot of people whose lifestyles I would not want to lead but that's their business not mine. I go by a creed of if they are nice to me then I will return the favor. Who am I to Judge?

I can relate to this I don't necessarily approve of gay marriage in a church. However my dearest cousin is gay and loves his partner even though I do not approve I still love him and support him no matter what.
I have many relatives that I love but don't agree 100% on their life style yet I still support them and love them.

I believe we all have a choice to make plus who am I to judge you when I have probably done worse. My outlook on it is to hear both sides of the story then make a decision. I may cringe at some of the things my loved ones do but I still love them.

I believe everyone of us have the freedom to choose the life that we want to live. To each his own. Whatever lifestyle my family, friends or other people have, I would respect and accept them for the way they are and vice versa. Mutual respect and acceptance are what we need to live a harmonious life. I have a lesbian sister and friends too who are gays and lesbians, drug addict, alcoholic etc. but I still love and support them. I am always there for them to understand and help when they are in need, and I do meddle or give advice when necessary, knowing that something could hurt or ruin their lives. We are not to judge people for all of us have our iniquities. Love one another and learn from each other's mistakes , not condemn people for the choices they made in life.

some say op we are taught hate and love... when we are very young ... but as someone gets older... I believe they should be able to have and make their own choices in life ... seems my life consist of many different beliefs... but as you ...I love them anyway ... and know one should be made to agree with them... just to be loved...
... and they say... hate comes from fear ... and possibly someone that has been hurt by that hate and fear to love again... and sometimes their feelings get depress... and is hard to love or hate ... depending on the person of course ... and some have said do not hate the person but their actions are what really matters ... that you may hate ...

But, isn't a person really just the collect of their actions?

possibly... you could look at it that way ... but some forgive the person but not their actions ... knowing what they did was wrong ... but maybe they where mental ... and accept that and forgive them ...
which I have always found that very hard to separate ... but some can ...