He is a cop that is currently out on injury that ended his career. One moment he is happy ect next minute he is throwing plates and punching holes in the wall. He has been like this my whole life. I remember him screaming in my face at 6 saying I caused this. Is that abuse ?

Sounds passive aggressive, maybe bi-polar, always needing control, with ego issues, and takes it out on who is around I guess.

yeah, time to get out of the house and move on.

He must have been through a lot. Try to help him recover. Be there for him.

If..... he can get him therapy, yes, it would be a great idea....but..... he might be in danger of getting hurt or worse.... dad sounds wayy too violent for him to do this on his own.... a helpline and intervention might be a good avenue to take at this point.

Very few fathers in that mental state, listen to anything their sons have to say.... not speaking from smarts, but similar experiences.

Lmfao not a chance in hell

Well said

and you are following in his footsteps, by trying to be a cop.. hmm, others can analyze that..
Hopefully you will not follow his demeanor/manner with the anger fits..
I suggest medicating him with edible cannabis - it will make him mellow... and maybe more compliant.
Sorry that you had that style of parenting..

I'm the total opposite of him. I also plan on changing my last name.

What bothers me the most is that many people don't know who he really is. He is a total different person when he leaves the house. Many like him and have no clue.

What bothers me the most is that many people don't know who he really is. He is a total different person when he leaves the house. Many like him and have no clue.

I don't think that that scenario is uncommon.. He has a split personality, kinda..maybe his dad was like that too?
Lots of people are like that actually... one type of way out and about, doing their job, interacting with people.. and ya get them home, and wtf - off the rails...
Hopefully going forward when you get a family, you will break the pattern..

What bothers me the most is that many people don't know who he really is. He is a total different person when he leaves the house. Many like him and have no clue.

I don't think that that scenario is uncommon.. He has a split personality, kinda..maybe his dad was like that too?
Lots of people are like that actually... one type of way out and about, doing their job, interacting with people.. and ya get them home, and wtf - off the rails...
Hopefully going forward when you get a family, you will break the pattern..

His mom is just like him and always has been. His dad is very quiet.

tri-polar

NARCSISST Google it

All the signs of PTSD. When I got back from Nam I was the same way.
Your life can depend on how quick you are to react. Over time it becomes automatic. He needs to understand his triggers. Group therapy with other cops would help him a lot.

Yes.
You know it, feel it enough to make US see it.
Git while you are still whole.

I think you might be confusing one thing with another.
If his baseline personality (lifelong parenting experiences) is narcissistic and huffy-puffy in private but compliant and cheerful in public it denotes a personality that has long running issues he has trouble dealing with.

There are psychologists that deal with cop mentality issues concerning the multiple faces that a cop must wear.

He is probably also dealing with PTSD issues over his disability and the severe, abrupt lifestyle changes he was forced to make. PTSD is not just for military. Post-traumatic Stress can happen to anyone that has had to deal with any trauma.

To understand and accept that your dad is like this on his own will help you to identify your own personality. I suggest you honestly look at yourself and see your own worth and just let him deal with his issues. You can offer to help him if he will ask but you can't make him do anything.

Most of us love our parents. We hurt when we see them in misery. It affects how we see the world around us. You are old enough to make your own decisions. Try to make the right decisions for you and not worry about making him happy. We all must find our own contentment.

Just a thought.
You can make this work for you. You can build your life on the things he's done wrong and the way he has been with you.
You see many people in trouble or committing crimes saying it's how they were brought up. Then break that line and be a better police officer and person through his failure.