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Topic: attachment
calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 02:51 AM
was there ever an instance that it came to a certain point you were too emotionally attached to the person you have had merely met online?

no photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:02 AM
No noway

True bonding takes months in real life. ( I read 4-12 months).

calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:15 AM

No noway

True bonding takes months in real life. ( I read 4-12 months).


oh god!
shall I consider myself 'abnormal' then???..lolrofl rofl rofl

RustyKitty's photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:31 AM


No noway

True bonding takes months in real life. ( I read 4-12 months).


oh god!
shall I consider myself 'abnormal' then???..lolrofl rofl rofl

Not abnormal... But do be careful...the mind plays awful tricks of emotion on a person..
Try to stay a little detached, especially if this is a ldr


calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:44 AM



No noway

True bonding takes months in real life. ( I read 4-12 months).


oh god!
shall I consider myself 'abnormal' then???..lolrofl rofl rofl

Not abnormal... But do be careful...the mind plays awful tricks of emotion on a person..
Try to stay a little detached, especially if this is a ldr




experienced this a couple of months back.
it was 'heartbreaking' in a way.
just wanna know if the emotion/s I have had felt then was just a trick of mind or the feelings does really existed.

thanks pretty RustyKittyflowerforyou :smile:

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:51 AM
"Too emotionally attached?"

Do you mean perhaps, that you have come to have expectations about future events involving a relative stranger, which you then realize are extremely unlikely to occur?

My mother died very recently, and it was crushing for me emotionally, as such things are for most people. But the fact that I was so distraught over her loss didn't mean I was "too emotionally attached" to her.

I've had a few instances where I began to develop and even encourage myself to have a crush on someone I met through these electronics, and had to deal with the natural disappointments which occur as a result of such. But that too wasn't "too emotionally attached," that was again, just the normal course of life.

So what do you mean?


calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 04:00 AM

"Too emotionally attached?"

Do you mean perhaps, that you have come to have expectations about future events involving a relative stranger, which you then realize are extremely unlikely to occur?

My mother died very recently, and it was crushing for me emotionally, as such things are for most people. But the fact that I was so distraught over her loss didn't mean I was "too emotionally attached" to her.

I've had a few instances where I began to develop and even encourage myself to have a crush on someone I met through these electronics, and had to deal with the natural disappointments which occur as a result of such. But that too wasn't "too emotionally attached," that was again, just the normal course of life.

So what do you mean?


[/quote

what would be the best word to describe it then mr.clever?
yawn

no photo
Thu 06/30/16 05:09 AM
love

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Thu 06/30/16 05:33 AM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Thu 06/30/16 05:34 AM

was there ever an instance that it came to a certain point you were too emotionally attached to the person you have had merely met online?

Yes, and it can happen quite easily too.
Women can easily bond with things and ideas before they've manifested into reality, like we already bond with our unborn child.
So if you find yourself in such a place, try to not go overboard, keep pulling yourself back time and again and again.

It's not really all that different from women tending to fall for a guy's potential. We can see it, feel it, sense it, but it's not there yet either (and often time will never come to fruition either). Still, we fall for it, head over heels.
So we have to sort of learn to control that intuitive part, that automatic reflex-like thing.
ESPECIALLY because there are men who know this and exploit it, use it against you for their own pleasure and convenience ...

TMommy's photo
Thu 06/30/16 06:46 AM
if you spend a lot of time online
and you get used to chatting with the same peops

then ya...you do kinda go WTF?? when they disappear

Robxbox73's photo
Thu 06/30/16 07:04 AM
I used to be a big pen pal. Used to write to people all over the states via snail mail. Then I got the idea of mailing cassette letters. She started responding in the same way. This went on for over a year. Guess replaying her laugh, jokes and she used to "try" to sing, built an emotional anchor that you get used to. I was in New Mexico and she was in Los Angeles. So We arranged to meet. She picked me up at the airport. We had lunch. Took in some sites. It was great. She asked for a map from the glove compartment and a pic falls out. A Sailor. Who's this I said? Your brother? She stayed quiet and pulled over. That's my fiance. I was numb. I brought you here to tell you face to face. I told her, why didn't you tell me sooner? She said that I was what she wished her fiance was emotionaly. She cared about me, but her fiance finally asked to marry him. I asked her to return me to the airport. She was crying. I was gutshot. I took my bags out of her car and said good by. She asked, please write me again. I told her, no.. there is no more point to it. I flew home and burned those recordings, her adress and eventually, the memory of her.

So, this happens on line too. Some times I think I should not be too real. I've always told people Wysiwyg! What you see is what you get.
I won't change my personality, because someone might fall for me. I do not decieve anyone and my cards are on the table for all to see. I realize maybe I shouldn't give out so much info. But that probably won't happen. Gotta thank Olimpia though. That was the girls name. Later that year met my first wife, and we had my son!

isaac_dede's photo
Thu 06/30/16 07:04 AM
I think it's the same type of attachment thay happens with the women thatbare pen-pals with inmates. After what does EVERY guide recommend for relationships to last, most all say communication is key.

All we do online is communicate, so it's understandable why you'd fall for someone, however online you only get a tiny portion of that.

However, a lot of communication is done with body language, mannerisms, and even timing none of that you can see online, so our brain fills in the gaps and we 'hear their smile'

I now try to imagine opposite body language to what I think...it's fun sometimes. .and it reminds me that I actually need to meet the person before developing any real feelings

no photo
Thu 06/30/16 08:22 AM

was there ever an instance that it came to a certain point you were too emotionally attached to the person you have had merely met online?


I would call this an infatuation. You see someones profile and instantly like/love the photos, interests etc they have listed. They seem to be the person you are looking for because something resonates with you. If they post in the forum or you direct email them, the words they say can capture you and it can become a rush of desire for something you have been searching for and all logic can go out the window. So it can happen that you get caught up in a desire to want something quickly that really is not there yet, but the desire is there.

In the real world this can happen to where you are infatuated with someone rather quickly.
My 2 cents...

SitkaRains's photo
Thu 06/30/16 09:47 AM

was there ever an instance that it came to a certain point you were too emotionally attached to the person you have had merely met online?

I am not sure what too emotionally attached means.
I have met some wonderful people online and they have become lifelong friends.
That takes time, I mean a lot of time. Not something overnight or even a couple of months.

Romantically that is a bit different. I am one that will question a romantic thing to death trying to find the holes in it so if it is supposed to be real it will stand the test of time.

I do find that some people not just women will become infatuated quickly and want more than what is possible in reality. Those to me are just fantasy's and should be observed as such.

I think for me the key to any relationship whether romantic or friendship is Communication. And that doesn't come quickly most of the time. It takes time to build the relationship to see the inconsistencies and so on.




no photo
Thu 06/30/16 09:59 AM
was there ever an instance that it came to a certain point you were too emotionally attached to the person you have had merely met online?

Not since aol '95 when I realized becoming "emotionally attached" to people via the internet was just tribbing and faced the idea that I was becoming "too emotionally attached" because that was what I was really looking for, emotional stimulation or masturbation.

shall I consider myself 'abnormal' then?

No.
Not that far advanced along the learning curve, maybe?

just wanna know if the emotion/s I have had felt then was just a trick of mind or the feelings does really existed.

Both.
You can convince yourself to feel anything if you rationalize enough.
The problem is whether or not the emotions grew organically or were forced.
If the emotions don't grow organically based on natural methods, there is no underlying support for them except more inefficient rationalizing effort.
Analyzing or facing them tears them apart rather than solidifies them.

IMO most people were originally attracted to online "dating" to "emotionally eat," basically sublimate a problem.

what would be the best word to describe it then mr.clever?

Delusional?
Sublimating?
Cry for help stemming from a desperate need for approval, purpose, and social position?

no photo
Thu 06/30/16 10:03 AM



experienced this a couple of months back.
it was 'heartbreaking' in a way.
just wanna know if the emotion/s I have had felt then was just a trick of mind or the feelings does really existed.

thanks pretty RustyKittyflowerforyou :smile:


emotions are a trick of the mind and they do exist.
It's up to you to work out how you developed them and their significance.

maybe the words for them is, false expectations

Goofball73's photo
Thu 06/30/16 12:21 PM
Thankfully no. I sat back and watched as others would develop attachments, go on online rants.....basically I would watch them lose their #$%^ (As the great Q-Bert would put it).

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Thu 06/30/16 03:44 PM


"Too emotionally attached?"

Do you mean perhaps, that you have come to have expectations about future events involving a relative stranger, which you then realize are extremely unlikely to occur?

My mother died very recently, and it was crushing for me emotionally, as such things are for most people. But the fact that I was so distraught over her loss didn't mean I was "too emotionally attached" to her.

I've had a few instances where I began to develop and even encourage myself to have a crush on someone I met through these electronics, and had to deal with the natural disappointments which occur as a result of such. But that too wasn't "too emotionally attached," that was again, just the normal course of life.

So what do you mean?




[/quote

what would be the best word to describe it then mr.clever?
yawn


Please use my actual screen name, rather than insulting me with your own made up name. I am not mr clever, and the fact that you are sleepy after typing that is your problem, not mine.

You posed an over-simplified question. I asked you what you meant. For you to call for me or anyone else to tell you what you mean, is absurd.

Now that you have made it clear you are intent on being rude, I will simply request again, that if you want to discuss this, you must specify what exactly you mean by "too attached," and why you have concerns about it.

If you refuse to stop being rude, there wont be any point in responding at all.

calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 05:08 PM



"Too emotionally attached?"

Do you mean perhaps, that you have come to have expectations about future events involving a relative stranger, which you then realize are extremely unlikely to occur?

My mother died very recently, and it was crushing for me emotionally, as such things are for most people. But the fact that I was so distraught over her loss didn't mean I was "too emotionally attached" to her.

I've had a few instances where I began to develop and even encourage myself to have a crush on someone I met through these electronics, and had to deal with the natural disappointments which occur as a result of such. But that too wasn't "too emotionally attached," that was again, just the normal course of life.

So what do you mean?




[/quote

what would be the best word to describe it then mr.clever?
yawn


Please use my actual screen name, rather than insulting me with your own made up name. I am not mr clever, and the fact that you are sleepy after typing that is your problem, not mine.

You posed an over-simplified question. I asked you what you meant. For you to call for me or anyone else to tell you what you mean, is absurd.

Now that you have made it clear you are intent on being rude, I will simply request again, that if you want to discuss this, you must specify what exactly you mean by "too attached," and why you have concerns about it.

If you refuse to stop being rude, there wont be any point in responding at all.


i don't intend to harm anyone on here.
as a gentle lady,
being rude as the way you perceived it is completely not in my system.

frankly, I found it tad unfathomable that you have just overly reacted to a what would be a 'bubbly' response from yours truly.

I won't and I refuse to say further more as your response is quite offensive.
as I see this already getting out of the context.

peace to everyone on here!

calista29's photo
Thu 06/30/16 05:51 PM
Edited by calista29 on Thu 06/30/16 05:44 PM
to everyone who took their precious time in sharing personal experiences,thoughts,opinions,comments and by standing by firmly to what they've strongly believed in.
THANK YOU!

through this forum/s am learning something new in every comment you guys would posted on here.
either bantering unintelligible convo
our engaging into a more serious issues.
I find it fun and stimulating at the same time.

our main objective is to create wonderful friendship to people on here.
regardless of creed,race,religion etc

RUDENESS and HIGHLY JUDGEMENTAL character has definitely no room in here.

RESPECT will/shall/should always prevail in any forms.

blessed day ahead everyone!

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