ever experienced this dilemma during the course of stint in this site?

happens often on any site and in the real world

Its always a dilemma when you expect things to be as you want them rather than dealing with them as they are

in many things, I've learned to hope for the best but still be ready for the worst

The key is, to avoid developing "expectations."

It's been years since I quit deluding myself with the unrealistic expectation on how I might treat women a certain way and be able to expect a just measure of reciprocity. There is none. It's a fool's errand.
I don't expect much from dates these days, I owe it to myself not to, and I keep it real, frank and honest, ready to walk out at any sign of bs or self-entitled attitude.
Fakes and frauds make for horrible dates. Been there done that and no I would not like some more, ma'am.

once been into this dilemma a couple of months back.and felt tad dejected in away.

met a wonderful genuine gentleman on here.
gelled perfectly well with unintelligible/gibberish convo.
it was indeed,always a fun bantering constant (on a daily basis so to speak)communication that went on for half a year!

safe to say,both developed platonic admiration along the way.
and it would be hypocritical not to admit that there's indeed expectations on my part at one point.

there were even hopes,wishes on how this virtual platonic admiration could turn into a reality in both parties.
and yes,I'll be forever grateful for the kindness of this gentleman to willingly grant my heart's desire.and not asking for anything in return(that's another story,huh).

while being good and honest.the glaring reality literally slapped me darn hard.... first,
we are oceans apart! (that alone sucks!)
second,am tied up still with my existing work contract and commitments.
third,upon fulfilling my work commitments.am set to settle back home to venture into a new career path.
fourth,etc.etc.etc.
fifth,and etc.etc.etc.still!;-)

it's difficult to fathom still on why we have to meet at the WRONG TIME,really as I deeply knew we could be a great 'partner's in crime 'in the flesh,yay!

I turned my back not because I no longer adore the gentleman.i do.i sincerely still do.
it's all because I don't have the heart in giving him false hope.and mine as well.
I want him to experience the 'reality' of touch,the deep passion his been longing for.

after all, am fully aware that he's not exclusively chatting with me althroughout.

footnote:am just here for the forum and possibly meet new friends

I keep my expectations very low..
Pinch two fingers together if you can slide a piece of paper between the two of them.. still not low enough..lol.. but in reality.. I'm always hopeful..lol

My thought is that in reality you didn't really believe this "relationship" was going to work. Or didn't want it to, and are using work, career, distance, etcetera as convenient excuses.

Sometimes ya just have to jump in with both feet and say "what the f---". If it turns out bad, you've had an experience. If it turns out good and only lasts a week or a day, you've had an experience to remember.

I think simply being 'hopeful' won't do any harm..lol

Don't try to understand me otherwise you will fall in love with me!

It is a shame you are so far away. You seem like a man I would enjoy talking to and getting to know.

Is a naturally occurring learning curve that everyone online goes through.

You can't keep yourself from building expectations.
These form naturally.
At best you can manage expectations, which is also on a learning curve.

Every human being has a blind spot in each eye.
Part of the eye has no rods or cones.
There is a spot in everyone's eye that can literally see nothing.
Your brain puts information there so you think you can see something, so you can't tell you have a blind spot.

Communication is primarily indirect. Body language, facial expression, tone of voice, tics, automatic responses to the environment and situation. Things you don't pay attention to or really notice.
Of very little relevance, by comparison, is what actually comes out of the mouth.

Online you are only presented with what comes out of the mouth.

So your brain simply fills in all the important stuff.
It does this using your experience, your desires, and/or your fears.

Interact with people impersonally long enough, you only learn how to interact with them impersonally.
You don't learn how to fill in more meaningful information, because it doesn't exist online.
You either learn to not automatically fill in certain information from your imagination or you learn to keep in check your emotional/behavioral response to the automatically filled in information.

The journey can be fun.
But it ultimately equates to mental masturbation.


IMO the dilemma you describe doesn't really involve reality vs. expectations so much as online fantasizing vs. reality, or what you think you want vs. what you really want.

On this site, no, because I learned many years ago that the best I can hope for is platonic friends. So I'm only here to be entertained by what's posted in the forums and thus far I have not been disappointed. Granted I have never met anyone on this site in person but that makes this site no different from any of the other (more then 15) sites I've been on in the last 22+ years.

I don't expect anything from anybody, that way I'm never disappointed. Sounds bad I know but it works for me.

Not from a dating site but people that had only seen my pics then met me in real life & one of the reaction was ''oh my God you so hot, your pics don't do u justice''