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| Topic: expectations vs.reality on a dating site | |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Mon 07/04/16 06:57 AM
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I relate calista
 When i first started online dating, i was excited by the scope of prospects I would have to choose from, but in reality, the pool of appropriate prospects is disturbingly small . There are realities of extreme incompatibilities in age, goals/priorities, values, lifestyles, and yes ...geographical location, that some people at a mature age prefer not to ignore for temporary pleasures. I personally never try to explore a relationship for eg, if the person lives so far that I cant travel to see them twice a year and they cant do the same for me ,until one of us permanantly relocates As much as people advise you to jump in where your heart tells you to, and stay in the moment, we have to know ourselves and our " bounce back capacity." For some people, a break up takes a year or more to recover, and after a certain age, some people prefer not to run the risk of wasting their time and energy on foundations that are blatantly shaky from the onset. For that kind of person, throwing caution and common sense to the wind could cause them a wasted year of recovery time from a relationship with little potential, when alternatively they could have been using that time to explore a romantic situation with more obvious potential from the onset. There is no stipulated right or wrong way to conduct dating as far as Im concerned. It all comes down to the risks you are prepared to take , deciding WHO is worth the risk, and the consequences you are prepared to deal with, both good and bad. Thats a very personal journey :) |
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oh my goodness
I was so doe-eyed it wasn't even funny.... fresh out of a 20 year marriage I had to google half the things these men were asking me if I would do.. quite an education to say the least the cesspool of civilization |
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Edited by
calista29
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Mon 07/04/16 07:42 AM
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Its always a dilemma when you expect things to be as you want them rather than dealing with them as they are that's the trouble.i did somehow expect. and somehow believed there could be 'us' in the end 
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I relate calista When i first started online dating, i was excited by the scope of prospects I would have to choose from, but in reality, the pool of appropriate prospects is disturbingly small . There are realities of extreme incompatibilities in age, goals/priorities, values, lifestyles, and yes ...geographical location, that some people at a mature age prefer not to ignore for temporary pleasures. I personally never try to explore a relationship for eg, if the person lives so far that I cant travel to see them twice a year and they cant do the same for me ,until one of us permanantly relocates As much as people advise you to jump in where your heart tells you to, and stay in the moment, we have to know ourselves and our " bounce back capacity." For some people, a break up takes a year or more to recover, and after a certain age, some people prefer not to run the risk of wasting their time and energy on foundations that are blatantly shaky from the onset. For that kind of person, throwing caution and common sense to the wind could cause them a wasted year of recovery time from a relationship with little potential, when alternatively they could have been using that time to explore a romantic situation with more obvious potential from the onset. There is no stipulated right or wrong way to conduct dating as far as Im concerned. It all comes down to the risks you are prepared to take , deciding WHO is worth the risk, and the consequences you are prepared to deal with, both good and bad. Thats a very personal journey :) with that lovely peggy.i utterly resonates. well said
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You will probably find your "us" eventually. That is my hope for you and all who are looking for their "forever mate". However, I would not limit my search to online.Getting out and about is still an option.
I know I really got carried away when I first started online dating. So many men, so many choices. I was like a kid in a candy store! But my goal was always just dating and relationships. So I never experienced your dilemma. I had no expectations so I was never disappointed if something didn't work out. |
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Don't try to understand me otherwise you will fall in love with me!  try me...you might feel the other way round!haha!   
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oh my goodness I was so doe-eyed it wasn't even funny.... fresh out of a 20 year marriage I had to google half the things these men were asking me if I would do.. quite an education to say the least the cesspool of civilization you're lovely still.isn't it a great 'revenge?' |
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Many women list funny as very important or even most important.
I help people laugh. I enjoy it. Laugh with me or at me. It's all good. But in a total of 10 years surfing the dating sites. I have only had 3 dates and they hardly understood English. So, my expectations to find someone to date on a dating site is absolutely zero. It turns out reality and my expectations are perfectly aligned. So, I'm good to go. 
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Edited by
dolphin0925
on
Tue 07/05/16 11:06 PM
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Expectations usually lead to disappointments. It is much better to look at reality with open mind and open heart. Hear what one says, give your trust but don't expect too much that every word he says would happen........make it happen and I will believe you, aaarrrgghh! lol
 Appreciate and acknowledge what one says, if things happen so be it and be grateful, yet you can only truly believe something when it becomes realized. Words are just words, counting on it may just lead you to heartaches. Explore all the possibilities but don't limit yourself on empty promises. Most people always put their best foot forward at first, but what matters most is the final destination of where the relationship leads you in time for there will be challenges, trials and changes which you have to face. How you deal with all these things together will direct you to the path you want to take on. Just tread carefully, you never know who you're dealing with online. Keep your hopes high, somewhere along the way, here online or in reality you will meet someone who's really meant for you. I don't expect to find someone here but I do enjoy the forum. Who knows what's in store for the future........just keep your line open and always be true in dealing with people 
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