Humm well guess if they were not trying to hide something then there would not be a problem.. You can tell when someone is hiding something or being sneaky... If they don't then I would never look...

Yes you are right intuition and gut instincts.. never really let you down....
So then looking through their phone or computer is just too... get confirmation about something you already know?... and when you ask this person if they are being unfaithful and they say no.... and then you take their phone and find out there telling you the truth...well...ummm...hmmmm....
Awkward....
. Not only that but when you are looking at their phone you read the text...
Where their mother says they don't really like your tuna casserole very much.. even though she always says how good it is to your face... again awkward

until you are married...your partner has no rights

Exactly what you say here, is what makes it so difficult.... Private conversations with someone else.
If the nature of these are intimate/sexual, and I take it they are, why else is it so important to keep it hidden, the other person does have reason to be suspicious.
I think in many cases someone intuitively knows and senses something is off.
Someone doesn't go through your affects for no reason at all.

Nevertheless ... going through someones phone & PC is wrong. Nr1 reason is that you shouldn't even have to do this. You should be able to trust your partner. And if the other is trustworthy, they wouldn't have anything to hide on their PC. They wouldn't value private conversations with someone else more than their own relationship and loved one. If they do, they shouldn't be in a relationship.

Another reason to not go through your partners phone, PC etc, is that it only makes you more anxious as it means that you give in to your fear and worries.

Maybe answering this question would be easier if it was rephrased:
DO YOU KEEP THE BOX OF KNICKERS YOU GOT FROM EVERYONE YOU SLEPT WITH or not?
And if you keep it, why do you want ans need to hang on to it?

And the next: DO YOU KEEP COLLECTING THEM even when in a relationship?

If you compare the knicker collection to being in touch intimate/sexually with someone else on the phone/pc, I think the answer suddenly is much clearer ...

lot of people that have been suspicious of their mate

found a whole lotta evidence by doing this ya know

As much as you want.
Expectations are either based on reality or they're based on mental speculation, experienced consistency or fear, "False Evidence Appearing Real."


Pointless here except as an exercise in mental masturbation, a hypothetical to promote self righteousness.


I don't know.
That's the point of dating.
To learn to communicate.
Effective communication for a relationship may require sacrifices in privacy. Or it may not.
It depends on the relationship and what people are willing to give up control over in order to keep it going.


then communication sucks in the relationship.
May as well ask "you refuse to put lightbulbs in the house, do they have a right to use your flashlight?"

Their rights don't stem from your behavior, but their perceived needs.

If they are in the dark, they have a right to see what is going to effect them, so will naturally seek something illuminating.
That's basic human nature.
Doesn't matter if I believe they have the right or not to my flashlight or phone.
What matters is what that specific partner is going to do.

Yes

Yuh know...

While all of us may have strong convictions on this topic, our votes don't count in YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

If YOU feel like your privacy is being violated, and YOU are not willing to compromise on the issue ... and SHE requires total transparency in the relationship and SHE is also unwilling to compromise on the issue , then the writing is on the wall.

If however you are using all of the insights offered in this thread as a catalyst for opening up your mind to the idea of compromise, well that sounds more productive lol

How much privacy should you expect in a relationship?



I will give him the right to check my phone messages. I wouldn't mind at all. I'm a very open person , he could ask me about the messages if ever he is suspicious, I'd willingly tell him what he wants to know. As for him, it's up to him if he would let me. In all my relationships I didn't check their phones, I would rather hear what he's got to say , even if he hand his phone to me.



He doesn't need to ask coz I already voluntarily let him know my whereabouts. I always want my partner to be assured that he has nothing to worry wherever I go. I do tell him what I do during the day. Maybe not every minute, but as much as possible you talk about where you go or what you do. Letting each other know would avoid suspicions or worries and because it shows that you care and are concerned , it's not about monitoring each other's actions.




Yes, it's okay with me. Nothing's wrong with that. It would help avoid secrecy and suspicions. If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to be afraid of.



That's the whole point of giving your partner the right to invade your privacy so he will have no reasons to be suspicious in any of your actions. Being totally and honestly open with each other clears out any negative thoughts. Though doubts sometimes cannot be avoided, that's why it is important to have an open communication , no hiding, no secrecy. For me I don't have any problem giving him the right to invade my privacy in any circumstances, for I always make sure I won't give him any reason to doubt me. And if he doubts me, I'd be willing to talk about it and answer all his question, he just have to ask and I'd be willing to explain and prove to him I am not guilty of anything. But if his action has given me a reason to be suspicious of, I will not insist on invading his privacy unless he would allow me. We will sensibly talk about it and I would listen to his explanations.... observe the way he talks and if there is a reason to be suspicious, I will give him the benefIt of the doubt and i will openly tell him my doubts , fears and worries..... it is up to him if he is going to tell me the truth or not. Though I may take some measures to know some truth only to a certain extent. I believe that if someone truly loves you, he will not give you any reasons to doubt him, he would avoid anything that might hurt you, he will never cheat or lie to you. A man who loves a woman doesn't need to be forced or pressured to do anything to please her, everything he does should come from the heart with willingness, all honesty and sincerity.

As much privacy as there is in nakedness....

Wow! My head hurts now

There is no right answer to this, its just a question of what the two people want between them.

I expects _lots_ of privacy in the beginning. If our relationship evolves far enough, then we will eventually be comfortable with having almost no privacy.

Personally when I date someone I'm not giving them the right to invade my privacy... even the police need a search warrant..wink.. if your partner gives you reason to believe thay are unfaithful.. it is then up to your partner to convince you otherwise or not.. that's like saying as a parent you have the right to discipline your children any way you wish.. guess what !you don't have the right ...I believe everyone has a certain right to a level of privacy... if I suspected my partner of doing drugs I would ask her to empty out her purse... but in no way ,do I have a right to Rifle through her purse on my own... now if she's un willing to show me the contents of her purse.. that alone can be omission of guilt.. or not !she may feel I'm violating ,her trust and her right to privacy... we all need a little privacy even if it is only in the bathroom.. that's why we close and lock the door behind us..lol

I happen to agree with you on this everyone is entitled to privacy. I expect it as I give it.
When I am in doubt of someone I will quietly observe and when I ask I usually already know the answer..

As far as going through my purse you would sadly be disappointed. sorry but you would be and I would gladly give up my purse if you give up your wallet

For the most part agree with this. The police is a different story. You don't share your bed with the police, they're an outside entity.
And this scenario is neutral again, no more talk about private/hidden messages and stuff on a PC or phone, which makes it easier to say: No, it isn't right to go through someone's stuff.

Back to your first OP's questions:
Does your partner have the right to check your phone messages?..
No

Does your partner have the right to know where you are every minute of the day..?
No, but a partner would likely know where you are, like at work, at home, with friends, stuff like that. But you shouldn't have to justify every minute of the day to a partner.

When you are on the phone is it okay for your partner to stand there listening to what you have to say?..
If it's eaves dropping, not nice. If they're already there, you cannot expect them to leave because you're on the phone. That's not right.

Now if you give them cause to be suspicious of you.. do they still have the right to invade your privacy..
Are does the right to your own privacy mean just that !no matter the circumstances..?...
I guess, but it might mean the end of the relationship if you've given cause. The best way out is communication. But if the trust has gone and cannot be regained ...

If you have something secret going on, you may want to ask yourself "Am I right, Am I wrong", no wait, that's a Talking Heads song. But you may want to think whether your secret should be kept/continued during a relationship.
Like what's been said by me and others: if someone is going through your stuff, they usually have good reason to do so. Doesn't make it right maybe, but they don't do it just for the heck of it.

When it comes to rights, to me this goes above anything else: A partner has the right to a trustworthy, reliable partner. If you can't be that person, don't be in a relationship.