Some of us have made it through bad break ups and are now looking towards the future with hope and enthusiasm.

It may not be realistic for you to feel no attachment to your ex after the end of the relationship, but what steps did you take to get past the worst of your feeelings with your ex?

- Cry when you need to cry, but don't revel in sorrow.
- Go out to be with friends and/or have a good friend over regularly.
- Talk about it and what went wrong. That helps to process it.
- Also see what your part was in it going wrong. Taking responsibility helps a lot!
- Take joy in small things, the sun shining, someone smiling at you, a bird chirping
- be proud of yourself when you've handled all the chores on your own again
- maybe find a new, different routine. Often we've done things the way they wanted it done for years. So find out how you like things to be done.
- See the good that you had in the relationship. It wasn't all bad. Be grateful for those good things.
- get clear what you (had to) learn from that relationship

I would always throw myself into work and hobbies I love. I'd take extra shifts, plan more camping, fishing, or hunting trips with friends...anything to keep from just sitting around the house alone and feeling sorry for myself.
Sooner, rather than later, I'd find myself thinking less and less abt the ex....and before I'd expect it, I'd be over it.

great advice. .......she has to grieve and let go....

- Cry when you need to cry, but don't revel in sorrow.
- Go out to be with friends and/or have a good friend over regularly.
- Talk about it and what went wrong. That helps to process it.
- Also see what your part was in it going wrong. Taking responsibility helps a lot!
- Take joy in small things, the sun shining, someone smiling at you, a bird chirping
- be proud of yourself when you've handled all the chores on your own again
- maybe find a new, different routine. Often we've done things the way they wanted it done for years. So find out how you like things to be done.
- See the good that you had in the relationship. It wasn't all bad. Be grateful for those good things.
- get clear what you (had to) learn from that relationship

After my break-up. I felt it is the end of the world. YES, it nearly break me. I cried every single day and in my sleep. Every single thing remind me of him.

Then, one day, I just woke up telling myself.." I am not going to cry over him again. Life goes on. I am strong. There is so much in life for me."

I remembered taking a really good long walk at the park on that day.
Suddenly , I felt everywhere is so full of colors. The greyness gone. I see my surrounding differently. Life is so beautiful.

That's the turning point in my life. I get over it.
No turning back. I move on. A stronger person.





I so relate to your experuence bahiteva.

After I finally accepted that my relationship was over, a numbness crept into me and I felt nothing for months.

And a few months later after I started learning dance, i had this epiphany that life was wonderful! Just like you, i started seeing the world in colour again :)

I haven't had many serious relationships and breakups.

The biggest two were more like huge accidents, than anything else. The first was the worst. Total devastation of everything in my soul and my life. Every aspect of the relationship destroyed, every friend lost.

On the good side, once your entire life has been upended, torn to shreds, and turned into a sour comedy for others' pleasure...if you survive, there's not that much more to learn to deal with.

The second was my twenty year marriage. It was rocky from the start. it got so bad by the end, that though I again felt destroyed, it was more a relief than anything else.

I'm slow to decide things, for good or ill. The good, is that in both cases, once I decided, there was no going back. I think the big problem some people have, is that they doubt their decision, and so they put off doing the most basic things required for recovery to get going.

There are little things, but important things to do, once you are sure. You do the same things that you would do if you were just sharing a flat with someone, and one or both of you had to move out:

1. sort through all your physical possessions, and get rid of everything that isn't yours, or in the case of a breakup, the things that are most directly tied emotionally or physically to the relationship. If you want to keep pictures and so on, because they include other people you don't want to lose, go ahead, but box them up and put them in storage. Get them completely out of your sight. Give everything that belongs to the other person to them, and get everything from them, which is yours.

2. do the same kind of sorting of your daily activities, and tasks. Change all your habits in detail, that had to do with the relationship. Change your alarm clock timing, even if it's by five minutes. The more details you alter in order to remake them as purely yours, the more healing you will accomplish.

3. start new projects if you can. Things that again, weren't on your to do list for the relationship. They can distract you from the natural pain while you recover.

4. don't think you have to sort out the why and the who's fault it all is right away. It's best to allow that stuff to come to you on it's own, over time. You are unlikely to correctly identify any of this while your perceptions are distorted by the depression and pain of the breakup, and the answers are NOT functionally necessary for your daily life to continue.

Past that, it's mainly a matter of accepting that, just like physical accidents and injuries, pain is a normal part of getting over it, and is to be accepted.

Agree with ALL of this!

Wow B !

You took 2 weeks to get over the worst of your feelings with your ex?

You are wonder woman!

I had a similar ecperience with my last boyfriend.

I had a very busy anf happy life outside of my relationship with my bf. I had a dance exam i was preparing for, i had amazing friendships , and I was researching real estate at the time.

So I had alot going on at tbe time to keep me from getting very depressed.

But I di remember going yo a party eith my friends , and feeling disconnected from the people and the music, but in a vouple of months I wad feeling ok.

But eith my ex husband, I felt depressed for months !And then after the depressiin disappeared, I felt numb for months.

I kept very busy doing interesting things but my heart wasnt in it.

I think I can handle a break up a lot better now if it happened in this stage of my life.

U sm reslly not dependendant on a man fir sll of my hapoiness anymore, and my excpectations are a lot more realistic at thus age than it was before