While you ask a series of questions that are intended to be helpful they lack any specificity upon which any type of social or interpersonal comparison could be made. Vague terms are not shared nor understood and thus the reader may be comparing apples to oranges regards

If I am attracted to someone their attributes have an important role in that attraction.. That being said there will never be that perfect said person with every quality/attributes I seek.. The ones I dislike or annoy me can be overlooked, but only time will tell how willing They or I are willing to look past or change in spite or the others feelings...say several years down the line..

Would I want to stuff her in a trunk and toss it over a bridge or still look passed it

Good Thread!

Having recently experienced this type of situation, I can honestly say that I can overlook certain dislikes, but I need to trust my gut instinct about those that I know will eventually kill the relationship.
Jealousy is one of those dislikes.
I was dating a great guy.....good provider, fun, helpful around the house, great cook....you name it, he had tons of great attributes! Some flaws that were just generally annoying, and easily overlooked, even by my kids, because he WAS such a great guy. BUT, he was obnoxiously jealous, and I didn't listen to my gut the first time it reared it's ugly head....BECAUSE of all of those other great attributes.
After almost 7 years of accusations, distrust, being slowly alienated from family and friends, I finally found the strength to walk away, FOR GOOD!
Not a mistake I hope to make again.

I think I would, but I would try to explain my feelings about the flaw.. would they be willing to work on things and explain I too probably have something they too consider a Flaw... God knows I am far from perfect.. and we can then decide each of use Am I willing to change or even consider it... Do we care enough to make the attempt to do so...

My Demons refuse to play nice with anyone I've ever met, but if I had to choose one of the three inquiries above I would have to go with a self destructive twist of all that leans toward the third. Meaning the more attributes a potential mate has the faster I assume that they have little to no real interest in me. I do this because over the last 20 years I have determined (using scientific methods and statistics) that the females that seem to be the most interested in me, I don't have much interest for and vice-versa.

In laymen's terms, I've excepted that I will be in the friend zone till the day I die.

and if both his and my baggage can fit in the space we have created

Out of curiousity, do you ever wonder if because you assume that your attraction won't be reciprocated , is it possible that you subconsciously send out friendship vibes that the women you like respond to in kind?

Anyways, meanwhile I am fortunate to find people with whom there is mutual intellectual, physical and emotional chemistry but our values, goals or lifestyles have clashed repeatedly thus far.

The end result is still the same as yours

The only difference is that I haven't lost hope yet, but like you, I plan to embrace my singleness if that's how life works out.

Even now I embrace it. There is a lot of fun and substance to be had on this side of the fence as well :)

Do you overlook one or two INTOLERABLE flaws or differences in a potential mate, if the person has dozens of positive attributes?

Do you hold on to that person for their numerous attributes but secretly expect them to change that flaw or difference in time?

Do you bypass all the person's attributes and reject a mate on the practicality that you can not tolerate their particular flaw or difference and you cant change them?

would you stay with someone who loved and respected MOST of you , but who scorned ONE thing that was fundamentally important to you

Welcome to the forum PCchef!

EXACTLY Peggy!!! We even tried counseling, which helped some, but, unfortunately brought me to the realization that I did NOT want to do this anymore.
I did the same as you, tried to reassure, changed behavior, even gave up bartending. I was told by mutual friends it takes "4 years or so" for the jealousy to lessen and the trust to increase. It is terribly sad because he was everything I wanted (except rich lol) and balanced my life in so many ways. I still regularly miss the comraderie, the fun, the intimacy (and not just sex you pervs....we were very touchy and loving with each other).....it was a hard decision to make and has been an even harder time finding my way back to my old self!

And I TOTALLY RELATE to what you said!

I had a boyfriend that was sooooooo amazing to me in so many ways.

I had never been more cherished in a relationship before.

But he was also insecure and jealous, and I thought the solution was to keep reassuring him with my love and being totally transparent about my every move.

Instead of getting better, he got WORSE.

This was the only guy I was interested in marrying since my divorce because he and I were so in sync and he was so phenomenal in so many areas .

But that jealousy was a red flag I didn't pay attention to because I thought it would change if I kept on proving my loyalty or love.

that relationship taught me something invaluable.

By the time people are close to 40, they are pretty much fully formed and are almost incapable of change, UNLESS something really drastic in their life happens to inspire it, like the loss of a loved one or a job etc.

If people change ONLY to please you, it is only for a season to appease you.

They are likely to change right back to what they were for the previous thirty something years

No carry on baggage though. I don't want it looming overhead. It's place is in the cargo hold below.

In my opinion, too often the word flaw is used to refer to snap conclusions about people based on superficial observations.

Of course when searching for a life partner, it's sensible to evaluate candidates based on your subjective standards. Then decide if the totality of the persons character inspires flexibility in any of your hard-line standards.

Because of the negative connotation the word flaw often carries... in my opinion, it should be used carefully to try and avoid creating an unfair bias about someone. This includes ourselves. :)