So a friend of mine told me the following...

She said that in the romantic spectrum, she had been a man' s date, she had been a man's girlfriend, she had been a man's lover and she had been a man's wife...

She then explained to me that the most meaningful and fulfilling relationship she had experienced with a man, is the one where she had no label at all.

She said she was treated kindly, introduced to their family, introduced to their friends, did everything as a couple. and yet she and her partner never gave each other a label of boyfriend/girlfriend, never said I love you, and never made any promises to each other.

When that relationship ended , it ended on a note with mutual respect, and they are still great friends to this day.

So this got me to thinking, do you need a label to feel like you are in a relationship?

How important is a label to you?

Very interesting question!
In a way you could say it's ego based to need a label. I've also experienced that a label can be totally meaningless. If a man refers to you as his girlfriend occasionally, but doesn't treat you as such, shows little respect and love, it doesn't mean jack.

Personally, if I find the right partner, I would like to be his wife. Something in me craves to make a complete, utter commitment. Not meaning I just want to be anyone's wife, I'm just longing for this true soul connection. And if I find that, I really would like to make it official.

In general I haven't got a problem with labels. I have noticed these days many ppl do. But it's not the label that's 'wrong', it all depends on how you deal with it and why you use or need it.
If a label is given out of love, respect etc., I don't see anything wrong with it.

And I'd rather be introduced as his partner (wife or girlfriend), meaning "the woman I love" than "this is just some woman I happen to be with."

mmmmm I think it sounds juvenile when middle-aged men and women
refer to each other as "boyfriend" and " girlfriend"

So do you prefer no label at all TMommy? Or do you have a particular label in mind?

So your issue is more about the consistency between the label and the treatment?

I prefer no label

not this is my "friend"


I was a girlfriend in my teens and early twenties
I was a fiance once
I was a wife for twenty years

If I am with a man he will be the only one
who knows if we are lovers

Gotcha!

So then how would you refer to him in conversations with friends and family? And how would you introduce him?

That's the thing about dumping labels (what many ppl seem to think is best, cos they think it's all ego based)... communication will get real difficult.
Without labels, you will have to describe many many things and conversations will get tedious.

- Hi mom, this is Trish
Then mom's thinking "Who the heck is Trish? His girlfriend? His lover? A woman he picked up hitchhiking along the interstate?"

Well, that's one aspect of it :p If those aren't congruent ... what's the point.
And I like to see my man proud of me and having me by his side and proud to introduce me as such to his friends and family. Pride based on love, not on ego.

Sometimes.
Sometimes labels help in/with communication.

Since there is no standard or absolute perfect path to clear communication with a partner or dating someone new, it's necessary to try different things.

If I/they don't know what's going on with me, if my method of communicating myself, my feelings, my thoughts, isn't clear, then it's necessary to rely on easier methods.

simple e.g. I may date someone really hot. And I may like to buy presents to show someone I care about them. I may buy expensive gifts to show the degree of how much I care and how much I am invested or sticking around.

They may have had a sugar daddy in the past, or all her boyfriends bought her gifts, so they don't hold much meaning. That's just what everyone does. People in general may look at her and see "hot chick = materialistic" and simply treat her that way to get her to like them.

If so, then my method of communication may not be understood by her to mean what I am trying to convey, what I am used to doing, what I am comfortable with.

So she may end up asking me how I feel about her, if I love her, what we are.

She may ask for a "label" simply because communication isn't clearly understood.


But in and of itself a label is not important.
I take no security in a "label."
Only if it's used as a bridge for furthering communication to spot where the difficulties and misunderstandings lie.

Many times I come across people who have no desire to learn to communicate, they just want the label, because that's what they value.
They hold the label like a rewarded futures contract guaranteeing behavior and feelings.

What about the case I described earlier when the women got all those courtesies extended to her ,but just without the stereotypical labels? I think they both responded to people's questions about them with "this is someone special" and left them to determine what that meant, but THEY KNEW.

I'm in agreement with you, When I was married I introduced her as my "Wife"
after my divorce MY new partner when introducing her I would say "Girlfriend" It sounded uncomfortable most people at our age were already married...

I perceived some sort of unmanageability and immaturity as it rolled off my tongue.. I felt as if we were being judged and folks looked down on us at our age because of our age claiming "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"

And here I sit single again,, Marriage is far on the horizon.. How should I label my next relationship?

something like this...

Yea, This is My B**** we met on Mingle2 sound good?

i am a person of certainties
there is the black and white for me, no grey
so; yes, the label is important for me.

for me, the label isn't proof of relationship, its definition of the level of relationship


I have many females I love,,mother, grandmother, daughter, friends,,,,,,all of them are people with whom I have a relationship


but the label clarifies the type of relationship


and for me, its the same with friend vs girlfriend vs wife

it implies the level of commitment and 'oneness' involved

and of course, the individual can treat you the way they choose to,, which I don't feel is going to change regardless of the label

bed buddy..partner in crime..ummmmmm..
my lover under covers..

I'm not sure how I feel
I guess have a label defines what you are.

Maybe that gives understanding and clarification to the person who needs it.

But then no label no expectations which means more fun without the worry.

Ohhh Like FWB?

bed buddy..partner in crime..ummmmmm..
my lover under covers..



Bunk Buddy,, I had one of those in the Navy


HI Sailor

Do you think Annie that there is a similarity between a person's need the hear the phrase I love you , which is so important to most women, and having a hear a label applied to the person to feel validated in one's status in the relationship?

Do you think that we attach more weight to people's words rather than their actions?

MY point exactly Peggy, as long as she knows I Love her who cares about labels, I may be uncomfortable at times introducing each other, filling out forms ,Married, single etc.. but on a scale of the love that they have for each other.. soon they are going about life enjoying each other's company..