I'm a sensitive guy.
My mood can easily swing from good and calm one minute to very quiet and withdrawn the next, depending on the person and their remarks or overall behavior.
I tend to be one of the quieter, withdrawn types in a room full of people, and I'm taking small steps to try and change that, but I'm coming to terms with just basically giving my opinions a bit more often, sometimes even when not asked.
Sometimes people listen, sometimes they don't, and that's okay.
But it's difficult for me to deal with people who just comepletely have a dismissive or even harsh or almost ignorant or bullying attitude toward an idea i might have.
It still kind of pains me when I have ideas that either not a lot of people can be on board with (which is okay), or not a lot of people get (also cool), but when they hear it and just start laughing out loud or tell me "shut up I didn't ask you...not gonna lie, it sincerely guts me. To pretty even andthe point of almost absolute silence. To the point where I'm debating "well, I guess I can't hang out with this ignorant brick of a person anymore and I doubt we'll get along which is probably a shame because I WNT to like them, but now they just made it a TON more difficult to relate to them."
I know the rigmarole of "dude, get thicker skin," "man up", "don't be so sensitive," yeah, i've heard them all.
And you know what?
It's still gonna hurt sometimes. Especially if it's a person we want to be friends with or like us.
But then there are times when our sensitivity levels are pretty even, and we can roll with it more often than not.
It'll hurt, but we deal with it and move on. We realize it's not the end of the world if someone we're trying to gain the respect of doesn't respond in the way we want or would like them to.
And sometimes there are true jerks in this world. People who get a sadistic thrill out of being gut-punchingly sarcastic to the point where you barely want to hear what they have to say because a lot of it is barbed, or designed to provoke a negative response.
I'm not saying everyone's that way, of course.
But I'm also not saying that being as sensitive as I am, that I should go out of my way to subject myself to that kind of treatment on a regular basis just to be "in" with any group of people, or even an individual.
And the whole "get thicker skin" thing, I find really dismissive.
I just want to feel as if I matter. I think on some level, a lot of people want to feel that.
We want to feel included, noticed, cared for, want compassion, friendship, empathy.
But...we arent going to get that from everyone we meet.
people will be harsh with words for seemingly no good reason at all.
Which is kind of why these days, I walk into a room and think "God, I hope I come away from this already nerve-wracking social situation being able to like SOMEONE here, cuz ain't no guarantee they're gonna dig me."
sometimes they do.
And other times, not so much.
But in the end...maybe that's okay.
We do what we can, and say "F*** the rest if they don't get it."
The balance is you can still be a mix of sensitive yet strong.
It'll kinda hurt inside if you're sensitive and are hoping for the best and it truns out the person is a disrespectful jerk.
In some cases WE may even be thick-skinned enough to have pity for THEM. Because they'll never change, they'll never know what it is to be understanding or compassionate, or polite or decent.
They may be the life of the party but when the party's over, it could be that they're just as messed up as the rest of us.
But I'm not really the type to dwell on that, especially if they piss me off enough.
It's easier to just go off, be by myself for a bit, work through the sensitivity, meditate on it, write about it, take a walk, whatever.
But eventually I realize that they are jsut words. Words from one who doesn't know me. Who doesn't understand, and doesn't want to.
And their ignorance is something I pity.
And yet, I keep taking chances on people.
because maybe that's the lesson in and of itself.
everyone deserves a chance.

Currently, I'm still kind of searching for the balance between sensitive and strong.
My brain knows what it is. My common sense knows, too.
The heart's a different story when I feel things so strongly.
I'm not going to apologize if I don't have the thickest skin.
But i could be the guy who drowns his sorrows in alcohol, or drugs, or goes off in anger trying to start a stupid fight.
That's definitely not me. It could have been, at an earlier stage in my life, but I'm thankful it never was.

Maybe the strongest of us is the one who is sensitive...but uses it and channels it wisely enough NOT to fall into desperate vices. Or put down others when you disagree with their opinion.

had kind of a rough, sensitive week lately, and, well... that's kind of where I'm at.

Kind of exhausted, but also kinda proud when I consider how much worse off I could be.
So, for me, being sensitive isn't a bad thing.
It's something I'm trying to turn into a strength. In my own way.

I am sensitive too. It doesn't help that I used to be bullied. I will not tolerate bullying. I have seen it many times online and have experienced it. I always stop it. There will be ugly, jealous, hateful people everywhere you go. They are only showing their own smallness and insecurities when they pick on someone. I even had a so-called friend who was very mean spirited. She would always take delight in my pain and consider my troubles very amusing. She was a deeply troubled individual and clinically depressed. She needed professional help, which I could not provide. She was bringing me down every time I was around her. I had to end the friendship for my own safety and sanity. She was a very sick, ugly individual and I wanted no part of her in my life. I think more people need to take stock of who their friends really are and how they are treated and cut ties with the losers.

my oldest son was what I would call a 'sensitive child'

I use that term because that is how my mother described me as a little girl

with my son..I could just look at him when he did anything naughty..and he would burst into tears and ask me if I still loved him



wore his heart on his sleeve ..and as a teenager I had a talk with him about putting it in his pocket instead


think its just the way we are wired
born that way maybe
get our feelings hurt easily
cant take a joke
or we do not have very thick skin
or we look for injury an insult where other people may have ability to blow it off


or we learned this somewhere

I am a sensitive guy, too. I was bullied as a child into my teenage years for my weight. I think most sensitive people are some of the strongest out there. If you are a religious person pray for the disrespectful people.

WOW...there ARE others like me

"Get thicker skin."
I have a love/hate relationship with that phrase to this day. I used to think it was harsh or dismissive to some degree, but it really depends on the way it's used. People would say that to me and then not say much else when I asked them how to do that.
But then my friends and siblings and family would have to explain it to me, and I'd have to explain to them how extremely difficult it was for me to let certain things go because i felt things so deeply.
a lot of back and forth woth that over the years from loved ones.
In the end, my skin isn't any thicker, but my stength and resolve to let certain things go - after I've taken the time to emotionally work them out - has gotten more balanced as I've gotten older.
But everyone has different ways of coping with being sensitive.
And different levels of emotional intensity.
I was also bullied as a child, so that kind of stunted my ability to put myself out there to people, because I'm usually thinking "God I hope this person's not a complete loser."
I sincerely do hope that I'm able to like most people, though, but it almost never happens. I'm able to trust a few, but wary of the rest.
Plus on a site like this, full of scammers/spammers it pays to be one of the smarter guys in the room. ;)

I agree with this, because that's definitely the case with me.

he is better at doing this now at 23 then he was at 16

it is not that it doesnt bother him anymore but he has learned how not to dwell on it and let it fester if ya know what I mean

he has also learned how to pick his friends more selctively
walk away from those that are negative
and he has learned how to open his mouth and speak out when someone says or does something that offends him

if that means calling a guy a deuche and flipping him off as he walks away? so be it


he has also learned how to date girls that are decent people to begin with

sounds like me when I was 23. He should be doing just fine.

Hmm...a kindred spirit.

I would say that i used to dance like that when any try to hurt me in the face. I just been and still a HSP as called a high sensitive personality person . We rarely see people know this as just i always take care when speak with people. I pick my words carefully and make them always feel awesome and happy. I think for being an out spoken and also an easy outgoing person. It made me push these sensitivity deep inside a secret place. I always did the push people away when feel that can't hide it. The advice will be work through telling people this. A lot claimed we were or are weird or gays for being that sensitive. Some should be in our shoes to know how it feels to be bullied for being a considerable person and always be open to people and hardly find any who respect you for being that sensitive. You will get yourself away from people and community at some point. You try to do Gym and swimming and camping as well. It will help you out and wish the best with you.

i wish you all the best as well, friend.

Yes, like Nike says, ' Just Do It '. When you feel the thorns of someone's bad or negative attitude, Just Remember, It's a Wisdom Problem. They can't really lead you, you sure don't want to follow them, so what's left? They can just get out of your way, or, you can side-step them.

I too am very sensitive... well just the other day, when I was at the pet store..
I found myself sobbing uncontrollably.... . Just seeing all those.. little puppy dogs and kittens behind bars.. and then I saw the price they were selling the little puppy dogs and kittens for.. . I then immediately stop crying dried up my crocodile teardrops.... pretty hard to feel sorry for a puppy dog that is worth $2,000... I'm sure they're going to go to a very good home.... hmmm...maybe some lonely rich person, can adopt me! ..
.

..ps.. I promise!! I won't pee on the floor..lol.wink

Cheers to you for putting yourself out there! That is a really positive step forward I think

I am also quite sensitive myself , but I developed a weird strategy for dealing with it over the years. Over time, I have conditioned my mind to NOT expect people to like me me.

And in a strange way, it has taken all the pressure off me. Isn't it our worst fear that people won't love us or accept us? So if I assume no one or few people will like me, my worst fear is eclipsed, and I am free to focus all my energy into being the hot mess that I am. So if some people do end up liking the full authentic self I put out there , it's a blessing to my life , but if they don't, it doesn't hurt so much because I was mentally prepared for the worst anyway.

Ofcourse I am human, so there are some days when I am vulnerable and really crave acceptance. On such days, any disapproval from others affects me deeply, but I cut myself slack on those days, and allow myself to cry or go into my shell to regroup , but thankfully it doesn't last.

I am not recommending my strategy for anyone ofcourse. I am just saying what works for me. Everyone has to find what works for them.

Hope you keep active in the forum. Based on the responses to your post today, you can see that your voice resonates with several people and may even inspire other sensitive people to come out of their shell. That alone should be quite encouraging . Good luck to you!

What are you peeps doing in the Mingle dungeons?
The air's a bit stale down here ... and can someone at least light a few torches?!!

And No1, a $2000 puppy? Are puppies on the Canadian endangered species list?

Never the less... I think most of us get his humor. Kudos to you.

I think he gets my humour too. If not, I'm gonna smack him 'round the head with a box of Kleenex!