I concur and agree.

I think the real key to these sites is to just make friends. If you end up making friends with a girl on here in real life then you are bound to meet some of her friends at some point. Maybe she is just interested in friendship, but one of her friends might take an interest to you. Thats why its always good to have female friends.

klc -- Where you wrote: "I dont want to get into specifics of what i want either because i may miss something i never counted on...yikes! my loss from my ignorance" --

That's very true, and creates a potential scenario where someone might feel they are excluded from Square One without any further investigation.

What I have chosen to do is make it very clear what I DON'T want -- let everyone know, right up front, what would constitute an automatic "No." This, with the idea that everything else is pretty much open for discussion. I just mentioned something about this while I was updating my profile a few days ago, too....

For me to go into detail about what I DO want would take too many pages and frankly, I think, would confuse just as many people as it would enlighten.

do what i do and hang with the "bad girls" jk

nice that you make it clear what you do not want Lex, however it seems that some people do not see that or do not think that was written for them. people believe what they want.
when we hang up a sign that saids no visitors-- people who want to go in-- say "oh that is not for us" and just walk in. they really believe it is for other visitors because they are special for one reason or another. hmmm

I guess that's an idea lex, I really don't say what I want or don't want......... and that ain't workin. I been here over a year. Have met with one very nice lady in my area and we are friends. Talk a little. Another was a phone call several times, but chances of us meeting was near impossible since she was over 2000 miles away. Another local emailed me only to close her account a few days later. Even some of my "MUTUAL MATCHES" never return emails! One wrote me with what I thought was a flirt or maybe even a one nighter??, never will know because after their email, they have yet to read my reply! So, I just hang out here, it is a way to escape reality and things I really need to get done!

There it is in a nut shell for me.

I don't think most of the women here are trying to "play" the men. I think maybe you just ended up picking someone who just wasn't interested and didn't know how to tell you?
I think your best bet is to become really good friends and then take it from that level. If you think you can just jump into a romantic level from the beginning then someone is going to get hurt. How can you not be friends first? You have to get to know that person and then figure out if you want to get to know them on a relationship level.
It cracks me up when someone is with this one and a few days later they are with that one...I always think to myself, this is going to last a few days. Why? They don't know that person at all.
This is why I clearly state that I just want to be friends...if something else happens, thats great. If I have another friend, thats even better

i agree unsure---
that did not hit me until recently
i have never been with anyone on jsh, however
thought so recently and "pooooooof" over in a week.
amazing how that happens! because there is nothing
invested in the relationship but emails, phone calls, and text messages. made me come to reality--- hmmmm
anyway, not just the women on this site....

Find any woman in a week?????....frozen food isle at the local grocery

Find a real woman online????....take your time...get to know people....DONT lie......be who you really are.....
They will come to you in time
Oh and IT really DOES help if you look like your pic!!!!!
just a thought

Hahaha (((((unsure)))))


I can't figure out how you can be in LOVE with an internet connection "OR" a phone call??

If I can't look you in the eye and tell you that so I can see your eyes for the response, WTH????

Read my headlines, friends first, without being a friend first and having some sort os an attraction, how can you ever be more??

nervesgone--- i think the same way, however every now and then we can all be stupid LOL

yep it all starts with becoming friends, getting to know them and their lifestyle etc...

but u can only do so much on the comp or over the phone. Nothing will tell u how u really connect until u meet. and even then it takes some time.... its nice to be friendly and have fun here but its hard to think anymore than that until u decide to take the next step.

i have found that each of my serious relationships stretched
me in different ways. grow to overcome limitations and exceed
your expectations. She shows you the unimaginable.

hey Jamie!!!!


i agree, meeting is essential!!

hi joyce, good to see u like always

joice, I would never call you or anybody stupid. Sometimes we beleive what we want, we are all blind sometimes. I am all the time because I trust people way too much, or maybe not. I do have a way of not letting it bother me anymore. I have 2 legs still and I know how to walk or RUN!!!

True jamie, I can be anybody on here or on the phone, but actual interaction is the ONLY way to tell if there is even any, I mean any chance of anything more!!

Joyce -- I have only had one here who was adamant about the "rules" not applying to her, and who made a big stink out of it! (So far, anyway.) I think what happens more often is that someone notices something I wrote in the forums, goes to look at my profile, and sees that we are not a "good fit" and lets it go at that. I only hear from maybe 10% of the lurkers who actually look at my profile, and that's fine.

I'm open to being friends with anybody, but if someone feels my own personal dating parameters are somehow offensive, then that's probably not someone I need in my life anyway. The few "I DON'T WANTs" that I have (and there are only 3) are there because I have had enough experience with them to know they don't work for me....

Nerves -- There was a point where it occurred to me that there might not be anybody here who fit into my own personal parameters, and I figured maybe I should look into that. klc raised a good point about defining "what you want" because that sort of thing is easy to construct (and interpret) as a sort of overspecialization.

It's like when I see a profile, and they say "I'm looking for someone age 25-27" (and, yes, I have seen that!) and I'm wondering what happens if their best possible match is 24 or 28? Or 39 even?

I gave up on e-mailing anyone first, but that has not been much of an issue because I get a lot of first e-mails from other people. But none of it is from locals, and none of it is from people who appear to be anywhere close to being anything even remotely approaching the tiniest possibility of being a legitimate dating prospect.

So now I just use the profile as a sort of pseudoblog thing, I write about whatever, but I make sure my "DO NOT WANTS" are always in there somewhere. Just to save time and avoid confusion. Not that it will matter much in the long run, but if there's nobody datable here, I'd rather know that up front, than putz around for the next 6 years with a vapid and vacillating, nebulous profile that doesn't tell anybody anything.

Hey, my Mutual Match selections have the "vapid" thing covered very nicely.

oh sweetie-- i know
i was calling myself that

Lex--
i rarely get any contacts from guys that view me and i certainly do not think that it is because most of them think i am not a "good fit"