I think it's ok but the woman will let the man no to make the first move

I approached a man standing outside of a restaurant Friday night and asked him his opinion of the two restaurants.. Said I had never eaten at one... (Honest and a conversation tactic...) He graciously Googled reviews of both.. Chose the one with live music... Met a few others that are apparently regulars... As I left, someone introduced themselves to me and I thanked the one who read the reviews to me, one more time..

I think I found my 'Cheers'...


Long story short, I will and have approached people.. Some in a general manner or to make a comment.. To make others smile or laugh... A few to get to know on a personal level..

I was just thinking...over the years, I have always made the first move...crashed and burnt at times, pleasantly surprised at times, succeeded a few times....all in all a varied but great experience . So maybe now is the time to sit back and relax, and let HER make that first move...hmmmmmm! NOT....

What a great question Peggy. I will only speak for myself here. I can say that it is refreshing to me when a woman expresses interest in me. It usually catches me off guard but am pleased when it does. Everyone appreciates interest from the opposite sex as the fear of rejection is something that lingers and can prohibit initial interaction (even from confident people) it has become the expected process for men to be the ones to show interest and a great majority of the time we are made to feel undesirable over and over (sometimes quite rudely). The men who are hesitant to approach a woman are usually the ones that woman may be more apt to pursue as more times than not the man who initiates is looking for something physical first. That's not to say any man who initiates contact with a woman is this way though. The men who don't approach have probably been shot down so many times that they are not willing to take the risk of rejection anymore. Great question and really appreciate that you put that out there for feedback.

Or here is an idea why not just approach and be honest. The "brush up and walk away" is vague and aloof. Once again men are now involved in a game. Did she do that on purpose or was it accident? Should I go talk to her? Maybe it was a mistake? etc. etc. Men are often caught in situation where we are feeling that we need to interpret or over analyze what a woman may be trying to say. We appreciate straightforward women who are confident and don't play any type of games. If you were to read 100 female profiles on here I would hazard a guess that 85% or more read "looking for an honest focused man who can treat me right...no games". Yet here we are reading about the "games" that some woman play. Yes it may sound trivial but at the same time many men avoid these situations and don't engaging because we have be mad to feel like pigs, losers, players etc without ever being anything but polite. Quite often it is an automatic shutdown rather than a polite "thank you I'm flattered but I'm involved with someone right now". The physical flirting or act of showing interest is great after a simple connection/communication has been made (ice breaker) as we will then understand it was intentional and directed at us and is even more exciting knowing it was intended. Expecting us to translate that into an understanding that a woman is interested is only setting us up for failure or rejection. If you were in a crowded social scene and accidentally brushed against a man and he read that as a sign of interest and was wrong the reaction from the woman could be very harsh and am certain would be the brunt of the joke amongst her friends. We are expected to be able to figure these flirting techniques out but also expected to deal with the embarrassment when we are wrong. Straight forward approach is far more appreciated than riddles or puzzles. Also if I was to rub myself up against a woman in public to show interest in sure I would be perceived as a pig player or many of the other stereotypes men are often labeled with.

A couple of times and you're giving up already? We've been expected to do this for generations and experience rejection over and over and quite harshly at times. This is the reason the "good guys" rarely approach. We (men) also have feelings and many times are rudely shot down. It's okay to be rejected as we all have different tastes in people, personalities or looks. Being polite to someone when expressing no interest is far easier to take than being treated like a stereotype just for initiating an approach.

Thanks CBarbs :) It has actually been enlightening to hear so many guys say that they liked the idea of the woman making the first move. I don't know if it will inspire more women to go through with it, but it was nice to learn about this process from the male perspective :)

I think it is sexy, It means she is self confident...and It's make me feel more attractive and secure.. Knowing she is attracted to me.. makes me want to please her more...and not question if she feels safe and secure with me...

Then the police come and we are both charged with solicitation

when everything else fails....WOMEN FLIRT,,MEN PERSUE....

That's what I was thinking as well ...

Hey Sparkyae! Where the heck have you been hiding all this time!!

Peggy ... like some said, it's not clear to me what you mean by "make the first move" either ...

What I get from so called experts, it is the woman who has to let the guy know she's interested. THat is, a smile, making eye contact, not just brief eye contact, cos then he doesn't know you're interested, just thinks you're being friendly.
So longer eye contact than you'd do when you're just being friendly (10 secs, which is seriously long. Sort of like 2 hours I think ) and you gotta smile at the same time.
That's not a whole lot to ask for is it? Nah .. easy peasy

Or -if you got a few great conversation starters- start a conversation. Apparently a great opening is asking a man for help. Men naturally want to help women, so you can make use of that.

After that a man should feel confident to continue pursuing you, cos he already knows you're interested.
So yes, generally speaking a woman has to make the first move, but not necessarily the entire wooing and pursuing thing.

Now things have gotten a tad weird, there being lots of 'feminine energy' men and 'masculine energy' women these days. So it's also up to what matches your own personality.
But typically, if you want an alpha male man, you should not pursue him. That's his job.
If you're a 'masculine energy' woman and looking for a 'feminine energy' man, you may end up having to do all the work, but since your masculine energy, you wouldn't mind.

I myself, when a guy hasn't got any baws nor any initiative, I lose interest. On the spot.
I understand him being a tad nervous, but so was I when I had to look him in the eye for 10 bleedin' seconds and smile a sultry smile at the same time, even though my knees were about to give in to my nerves.

How come most women on here cannot follow the lead of the scammers? Scammers have no problems making the first contac. OK, they have an agenda!!! Hey! so can you, so can you....in a nice way, off course...just saying...

Hey Crystal

I was actually referring to the woman being the first to indicate that she is interested in the guy... Whether it be by introducing herself to the guy and starting the first convo or saying that she likes him or asking the guy out.

The flirting gestures from women are kinda tricky sometimes. If a woman is naturally smiley and friendly , it's easy for the guy to misread her gestures. I smile at everyone including women , children and cute animals.

And the tricky part about going over the top with those flirty gestures is the risk of looking like a dog in heat or coming off as a stalker , especially if the guys aren't interested in the woman who is displaying those gestures

Peggy, did you really say 'wooing process'?


Where was I? Sorry, you brought an old flame to mind. I seem to have met only women who were direct and to the point.

I am sure many men in this thread will envy you for that walker

Really,? well,I can't see why, I don't see myself having any special knowledge or skill. As for the old Casanova 'ART' of seduction stuff, a bunch of red roses will help, but ONLY if the lady wants you in the first place, if she's not interested, then save ur dough.

hey

Generalizations are futile and not helpful including this one. trying to reduce the complexity of human experience to clichés is not tenable nor possible yet simplistic minds seek certainty in spite of enormous evidence to the contrary (Ex why do men cheat? 77 per cent of married men do so, and 56 % of women yet we continue to expect people to do what they have already demonstrated not possible for the majority of both sexes....)