Topic: Hitting a Brick Wall
Bobzeaux's photo
Thu 10/25/07 10:30 PM
If these women are seeking guys for relationships through the internet, they must not be getting a lot of male attention in real life. I would have thought that giving the message that they ARE being thought about instead of waiting for a long time (possibly spending time e-mailing someone ELSE on the side??? <:O) and feel more special from it.

no photo
Thu 10/25/07 10:31 PM
cool man, i'll pick through them now and email you.

Chazster's photo
Thu 10/25/07 10:48 PM
I dont assume that they dont get attention just because they are on here. Maybe they get attention alot but dont like the local guys. Maybe they are just interested in meeting new people. Who knows.

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:23 AM
Bob, Bob, Bob. You're persistent, I'll give you that flowerforyou

And clearly people find this an interesting topic, so bravo for you on keeping your thread going.

Okay. Now. Some more comments. You replied to my suggestion about trying paid dating sites with this:

"I find dating services/advice that you have to pay for to be an insult."

Why? If you have a stopped up sink, you hire a plumber. If you need/want a new chair, you buy it. You, Bob, would like to meet more women. What's wrong with putting your profile on Match.com or eHarmony or wherever?

"Millions of people all over the world are getting dates for free, be it in real life or over the internet. Why shouldn't I be able to do the same."

Well, we don't know that, right? And lots of people here are trying to help you. A paid site is just an option. That's all it is, increasing your options of finding someone you might like who might like you back.

"Shouldn't paying someone for dating help be a big sign of desperation anyway?"

Again, WHY on EARTH do you think that? Desperation would be if you continued chasing a girl after she already indicated she wasn't interested. It doesn't sound like you do that. Paid sites are as I said, just another route to go if what you're doing in "real life" isn't working.

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:26 AM
Back to your original question:

"Why do women who enjoy talking to me suddenly cease all communication from completely out of nowhere?"

If that is happening every time, every single time you start chatting, it'd be helpful to read a sample of one of your emails. Is that what you're talking about? You email back and forth and then she disappears? And/or, in "real life" you're chatting with a girl and then she takes off? Is it both?

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:32 AM
Okay some more comments on other's comments on this thread:

"after you are feeling more comfortable with whoever you are speaking with, do you let them know what your expectations are in your future?"
Actually, I can very rarely ever get that far. With some girls I move a bit more slowly, but others I can connect with a lot faster. As far as expectations go, I let them know right away that I'm not looking for sex on the first date. Is that what's turning them off?"

I'm curious how the topic of sex even comes up. Do you automatically just say "I'm not looking for a one-night stand"? I mean, that's kind of odd, right? From out of nowhere? For one thing it's presumptuous to assume the woman is attracted to you in that way. And secondly it's just kind of "out there". I mean, you're talking to the girl and then the topic just turns to sex? I'd find that odd to say the least.

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:36 AM
"why does everyone feel the need to have a mate? Enjoy being young and single...go out and have fun while you can!!"
Because human beings are social creatures and the need for a mate is deeply embedded into our genetic programming. I don't know what your dating life has been like, but for me, having the ability to make women like you but then somehow cause them to run away in fear is NOT fun. How do I enjoy my singlehood?"

Umm, your wording here is telling. You say "for me, having the ability to make women like you" -- nobody "makes" anybody do anything. We all have free will. People either like your or don't like you, but we cannot "make" people do anything, least of all love us. They choose to do that or not do that.

You also say "but then somehow cause them to run away in fear" -- again, you do not control people. You can't "cause" anyone to do anything. You say something, the girl responds, she creates her own response to you, to whatever you've said or done. And the fact that you're saying "in fear" really concerns me! What exactly do you do, anyway? noway

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:37 AM
"If I went through them and picked out the ones that are relevant to you ; would be you keen to have a read?"
You could give it a whirl, but don't be offended if I find it riddled with holes."

Here I see more evidence of nice people on this site offering thoughts, advice, help and you automatically rejecting it out of hand because You Know Better. That certainly smacks of arrogance to me. You haven't even read this guy's stuff yet and you're already presuming it is "riddled with holes"!

Curious9's photo
Fri 10/26/07 07:38 AM
"If these women are seeking guys for relationships through the internet, they must not be getting a lot of male attention in real life"

You are making a huge assumption there. You don't know anything of the kind!

no photo
Fri 10/26/07 10:43 AM
wow curious you love to write. but many women i email have a man so im not sure if they need attention. and when i talk to women and they dont reply it does not matter i dont mind. as you said to someone go in the real world and get women....

Peaches73036's photo
Fri 10/26/07 10:47 AM
I get attention in the Real World but, I'm shy. I'm here to learn right now. lol
xoxoPeaches.

Bobzeaux's photo
Sat 10/27/07 03:23 PM
"If you have a stopped up sink, you hire a plumber. If you need/want a new chair, you buy it."
Very true. However, the difference is that plumbers actually know how to unplug the sink, and a furniture stores has lots of chairs available to fit my every need. In the world of e-dating, the only thing that a guy looks for in there is how receptive the female members are, which is something you CAN'T buy. I've been on several 100% FREE sites that promise the same results as these pay sites, while getting bupkiss. If I go to Amazon.com and I want to buy a book or DVD or whatever, they mail it out to me after I make my payment. If I go to a paysite, what is it exactly that I'm buying? Not women's desire to e-mail me, surely. It's nothing but extortion.

"Again, WHY on EARTH do you think that?"
I can't get dates in real life, so I have to pay someone just to get a little womanly attention. That doesn't sound a little desperate to you?
Sure, the dates themselves can and should have money spent on them, but meeting and attracting women shouldn't.

"And/or, in "real life" you're chatting with a girl and then she takes off? Is it both?"
No, it's only in e-mailing when she disappears. We're chatting about what's going on in our lives, what are interests are, that sort of thing. In real life, I easily establish friendship and then she suddenly loses all contact with me after I toss out the idea of going out on a date sometime.

"Do you automatically just say "I'm not looking for a one-night stand"? I mean, that's kind of odd, right?"
No, it doesn't just come up out of nowhere. It just wriggles its way into the conversation, just like any off-topic can. Why is it presumptuous to assume that women are sexually attracted to me? The only way I'm going to make any sort of progress in this area is to think that I'm The Sh|t in any and all respects, since I keep getting reassured over and over and over again that to get women, all you need is confidence. Is that wrong?

"nobody "makes" anybody do anything. We all have free will."
Yup. That's right. However, I can talk in such a way so that people will like me (which I employ more often than not), or I can talk in such a way that people will think me a hateful prick and want nothing to do with me. The first I do more often than the latter, and it has earned me a lot of friends as a result. I also do it when approaching women I'm interested in, and everything seems to be going well under I say I want to be more personally involved with them, then they run out. THAT is where I'm confused; how do I make friends as easily as I do, but women just don't want to be with me? :S

"And the fact that you're saying "in fear" really concerns me! What exactly do you do, anyway?"
Nothing that no one ELSE in my position would do, I can tell you. There's this girl who worked in the supermarket that I chatted with quite a bit, and I finally got up the nerve to ask her out. (I say "got up the nerve" because past experience has told me that asking women out is a terrible, TERRIBLE thing to do.) She then told me that she was actually going to be in Texas for about a week, but then said that maybe we could do something when she gets back. ;) Alright! My foot's (almost, but not quite) in the door! :D A week passes and I meet her again and ask how she's been, and she blurts out in a state of panic "I'M GETTING MARRIED! O_O", eyes bulging and all. ....Wtf? She soon quit working at that particular supermarket.

"You haven't even read this guy's stuff yet and you're already presuming it is "riddled with holes"!"
I've read LOTS of material on the subject and they just didn't make any sort of sense. At this point, the only direction I can go is up. Sure, send me these newsletters if you think they'll help, but I've read too much that didn't hold up under careful consideration to think it's going to work. That's why I keep coming back to this thread; just because I have a bad opinion about something, it doesn't mean I want help in getting that opinion changed. Maybe someone in here knows something that I don't know or have never heard before. I just don't know.

"You are making a huge assumption there. You don't know anything of the kind!"
I have yet to see any woman who has lots of male attention having to resort to internet dating in order to find a guy. She can afford to have her pick of the litter, and has a hell of a good time looking.
At least that's with the 20-something year old women in CA, anyway.

dcrdnk's photo
Sat 10/27/07 03:25 PM
& THAT'S CALLED LIFE MY FRIEND , HAPPENS 2 ALL OF US

Bobzeaux's photo
Sat 10/27/07 03:27 PM
"just because I have a bad opinion about something, it doesn't mean I want help in getting that opinion changed"

That should say it doesn't mean I DON'T want help in getting that opinion changed. Oops. :P

Peaches73036's photo
Sat 10/27/07 03:47 PM
People's oppinions are the Spice in life..It would be rather dull If we all thought the same.
xoxoPeaches.

no photo
Sat 10/27/07 04:56 PM
everyone is entitled to my opinion :wink: laugh

no photo
Sat 10/27/07 05:01 PM
Your opinion sucks, I'm going with what I heard on T.V./radio and repeat it to make it sound like I know what I'm talking about.

HillFolk's photo
Sat 10/27/07 05:01 PM
If they don't email you back just drive to their house and chew their ass real good. That way next time you email them they will show you some respect.laugh

no photo
Sat 10/27/07 05:04 PM
wow Wardriver, you're really living up to your name.
Have a sense of humour? sick

no photo
Sat 10/27/07 05:30 PM
klc
?
are you refering to my original post or WarDrivers response?
he wasnt being/trying to be funny; he's lashing at me because of my other thread (-_-")