I was shocked to learn from every dating guru I know that it is indeed the woman who makes first contact. That does not mean she goes up to the guy and starts conversation, although that is possible. It does NOT mean she chases after him, that's his job.
What it does mean is exactly what Tmommy's brother said: Women have to show they're interested before 99% of men will make a move.
This can be eye-contact, smiling, and of course saying something. Usually you have to do this a few times in order for the man to register you are interested in him.

Apparently there are very few men, they say barely 10%, that are self-confident enough to initiate without the woman giving the initial sign of interest. Just like us, men are insecure too, and just like us, no man wants to get that feeling of rejection when he just walks up to a woman to find out if she likes him or not. In a way the male ego is far more fragile than ours and he will rather not take the risk of having to do the walk of shame, even if that means he'll stay alone.

So yes, we will have to show we're interested, then the guy can make his move and do his thing. So yes, WE are the ones that choose.
And to be honest, I think this is how it's always been, even in the old days. Think of the times of Scarlet O'Hara when girls were debutants and went to those balls to find a man. It was that way then, and it is the same now. It's just how it works. We make 'first contact', then man can do his chasing thing.

Both male and female dating gurus say men are thick as two planks and you need to make eye-contact for at least 5 seconds and smile, and do this at least 3x, before the guy will register you are interested. Once is not enough, doing it for 1 second isn't either. Then he'll apparently think you're smiling at the guy behind him or something.
So 3x 5 seconds of eye-contact and a smile. Try it, it feels like a frigging hour!
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Bollocks as in 'uh uh...no way' :)~

Hmmm. Interesting thoughts peeps. Now translate it to internet dating...on Skype, looking at each other, smile and he thinks she is keen and she is just being friendly.
That is it! I am going to go out and try never to be friendly again, which is going to be difficult as strangers intrigue me and I like to smile instead of wearing a mask.

Yeah, that is really
I do take it it is a joke and you understand the difference between smiling at a stranger and looking and smiling repeatedly at a guy that peaks your interest.

Oh MANY men would tell you what they want....what they really, really want. However, if they did that then you would say "Why do men only want one thing?".

THIS ^^^^

Most (well-adjusted) men want the same as a (well-adjusted woman) -someone who has their chit together; someone they can hold, love and trust..
It is a no-brainer that they want sex (don't we all?)... its part of a healthy relationship... however, probably up to you to determine when that happens..

Goofball is right..

I can't imagine the types of men you are running into who are confusing to you and running you in circles..

That's because if most men said what they really wanted they'd be slapped, arrested or sued.

some can't handle the truth..

beat around the bush...snicker..heehee..oh sorry
carry on

Let's be real here. There are a few types of guys out there. Let us examine them.

1. The Playa- You ladies know this type...although these days he is more patient in getting what he wants. He will do all the right things with the goal of getting in your pants for the win. This type typically will do this kind of thing until he is either (A) played by a chick who is better at the game, of (B) he meets a woman who rocks his world and yet he can't help but to fall for her. When this girl comes along he either drops his playa ways or he denies it and keeps his game going.

2. The Confused Good Guy- This guy wants a relationship but he also has the thinking that the women he chooses to go after always put him in the "friend zone". He doesn't want to come on too strong which means he normally comes off (to a woman) that he isn't interested. He is also dealing with women who have been burned by The Playa and thus he feels he simply cannot win. What he doesn't understand is that his honest and true nature will shine through to women if he will only give it time. He will try The Playa route but it won't last long simply because he isn't made for it.

3. The Whiny Good Guy- This is the guy who annoys the hell out of women, simply because he has his chit together and yet he whines about always being "friend zoned" or not being the guy who gets the girl. Guys....women want men to be just that....men. And this guy will never have a good woman until he let's go chicks doing him wrong (at least that is how he feels). This type can turn into a Playa but only if he becomes jaded enough to do so. Mostly he will either meet a woman who is stronger in what she wants and helps him get over his past. Or, he will meet a woman who will be patient with him.

4. The Blunt Man (normally considered an A-Hole because he says what he thinks)- This is the hardcore guy who will appear to be the man a woman wants. Thing is, this type doesn't want to change and normally he isn't sympathetic to how delicate a woman can be. By delicate I am referring to how most women love getting flowers on days other that Valentines Day, or taken to a nice place to eat, remembering dates.....stuff like this. He will provide and he will protect his girl. But he will also never make excuses for what he does, wants his alone time or time with the fellas, and he will expect his woman to do certain things. Women love this guy but also hate him (or they will eventually).

5. The Balanced Guy- This is the gold standard for women. His is blunt...to a point. He is also kind and compassionate to his woman. While he does enjoy his time to do things he likes, being with his girl makes him the happiest. His acceptance to his own vulnerability makes him most attractive to women simply because it doesn't define him. He can be a flirt, and he can be an azz....but he will always be faithful. The main thing with this type is that he will communicate. What is great about this type is that he knows he isn't all that, he isn't perfect, and he knows that failure in past relationships have no bearing on his future ones. His goal is to be with one woman for a long time.


Goofball Inc. stands by this list.

Well said Crystal Fairy. If a guy gets clues from a woman that she is interested he will be more likely to flirt.

Yeah, it's stuff that's been thoroughly studied, tested and analyzed by experts, and they teach other people how to use it and how it all works.
The fact that it is necessary for people to study this and teach large groups of ppl how to do it, is quite something. Apparently we've kind of lost the ability with the arrival of emancipation.

I'm thinking that maybe women didn't want to play the 'girly' thing anymore but wanted so much to be treated as equals, that the whole balance got turned up side down and inside out. And even though emancipation is a very good thing, the way flirting and getting involved has not changed one d*(ky bird because our primal instincts are still valid. As is the typical male & female psychology.

Although, come to think of it, the moment we lost the ability may go back a little further, not sure. I know in the days of Scarlet O'Hara -which was 18th or 19th century?-, women still knew to be coy and coquettish in order to land themselves a guy.
It's as if somewhere after that period of time something happened that forced us all to become demure? Religion? Possibly a combination of WW1 and the economical collapse shorty thereafter?

Regardless, it's as if we have to re-learn an old 'trick'.
Fact remains that women have to initiate contact by smiling and looking, because some 90% -and maybe a tad more- of men out there do not have the guts to just take the risk and approach a woman. He will first need to know he stands a chance and she won't trash his ego.
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This is good. Well done goof :).

Okay.. we have the biology.. the imperative to procreate.
For this.. the sperm donor (guys..) are willing to donate to anyone.. just to spread those genes around. the smarter guys stick around to see that the offspring are protected.. and try to choose females with
good motherhood genes (usually translated as nice ****..)

The females choose the best genes and then ..go after the donor..
and the guy who can provide for the offspring..
Been this way for the last 50,000 or so years.
And it worked.. since they all died by age 40 or so..

Except we ain't dying.. Now what do we do..?

Our sex-drive has calmed down.. and we start asking ourselves
'who am I..?'..'what do I want out of life..?'.
(a bad sign is when they haven't.. means they're still in kid mode)

Pretty much turns out we want the same things.. but we don't know how to express it.. to another.. or sometimes even to ourselves..

So..my answer.. depends on age. Yes.. both still want sex..
but now it means something different. It's no longer the focus of a
relationship.. it's an expression of it.

Sher

Yes of course! It takes two to tangle.
But back in the African continent it's almost a taboo for the lady to go for the man her heart yearns for

The only point of reference us guys have to go by, is the ...
"Hot Crazy Matrix"
formula on Youtube.