So I'm wondering after responding to a topic recently... in regards to relationship and getting to know someone telling them about yourself..
The question I'm wondering! is how much do you really reveal to somebody ,and how soon?..
. Do you need to tell them every little thing about yourself..?
Do you disclose every right and wrong you have ever done in your life..?

.. the time you took the parking ticket off your windshield and put it on someone else's windshield for instance...
Or perhaps when you look the other way when you saw your neighbor pushing their fall leaves on to your lawn...
So how much do you really need to let the other person know about yourself..?
Is it best to leave some things unanswered .?

I certainly don't mention my record until I am certain that the other person isn't an informant.




















Wait. Did I say that out loud?

I reveal myself very slowly.I enjoy good conversation but as far as deep personal stuff that is down the road.Some of my experiences have been for my own personal growth and I don't want to share. I dislike meeting someone and they lay all their cards on the table right off the bat, it makes me hope there is a window in the men's room so I can climb out and escape.

Um, you do know that the parking ticket has YOUR license plate number on it. You can remove it from your vehicle and put on any other vehicle but the gubmint still has your plate number. lol

If my name was No1, I'd be a tad concerned that a potential partner would find out about the gazillion women I'd pursued, dated and sexercised

I'd also be somewhat embarrassed about allowing my neighbour to push his fall leaves on my lawn and not doing anything about it. I mean ... a bloke your size? You should've decked him!
But then again, that could make a nice story over a BBQ when you're both pissed.

Seriously ... I think most of that stuff comes up over time. You can't really dump your life story on someone's plate in one go. Some stuff only if and when it's relevant.

There are some things I am happy to share, in fact I have written a bio available to friends at the mo, not got to the publishing stage

So I am probably too open. However there are some things that I can't see myself ever sharing. If it isn't going to affect the relationship in any way, then why mention it?

If I do give info, I don't expect the same openness in return. I hate the whole, "I showed you mine..." theory... yeah you did, but I never asked you to! Same applies with information in my opinion.

I reveal anything that I determine is relevant to the immediate situation or conversation.

I avoid playing "confession" games.

I mean there's a huge difference between my date or partner bringing up wanting to go skiing and I "reveal" a story about skiing in my past vs. sitting in uncomfortable silence, all distracted, or like a retard say something like "we need to have a talk, I need to tell you something," and then "reveal" some past thing.

One is sharing, one is manipulating and game playing.


I don't feel that need.

But sometimes I do feel compelled (motivated by different things) to relate stories because they pop up in my head and stay there, dragged from the subconscious by association with the current conversation or interaction or situation.


Only if I'm dwelling on it or I think it's relevant.


I don't think that would work, since it's usually your license plate number and possibly your VIN number on the parking ticket.


Why would I look the other way when a neighbor is doing something at my expense?
How would that "reveal" go? "This one time, at autumn camp, this guy raked leaves on my lawn but I didn't do anything."


At all times I tend to ignore what I personally feel is minutia.


No.
Simply because most communication is non verbal.
If you leave it unanswered you're still thinking about it.
If you're thinking about it your body, and possibly tone (like when your voice gets higher and faster when you're guilty of something), is going to communicate the emotional reaction to your thoughts.

No matter what, you're telling the other person something.

If you leave something unanswered you are simply asking them to fill in the blanks with their own opinion. And you've given them cues to how they should respond.
You start acting all insecure and closed off? They're going to sense some kind of danger, or obfuscation, something "bad."

Of course, if they aren't doing that, aren't picking up your body language, or don't fill in the blanks with their opinion, it means they really aren't that into you and just don't care about you.
That might help you figure out if you want to keep dating them.

Reveal on a 'need to know basis'..
Things are revealed just through general conversations and relevancy..

People reveal so much more about themselves than
they're consciously aware of. Of course, the individual has the most conscious control of the "words"they speak, but "words" in their literal context are of little relevance to any authentic understanding of the core identity of an individual. "Words" are the about least significant source of information, as what is unsaid, what is done, what is observed in the individual's body language can be of more importance than that of the spoken word.

I start with all my current character flaws and any other reason that pops into my head as to why I'm a bad choice. I do this one issue a message because I like to see how long it take for them to give up and move on. Most stop after the first self destructive message but there have been a few that try to convince me that I need to stop being so hard on myself.

Some of you may be thinking "why is he even on a dating site if he's not trying to find someone?" Everyone else ether stopped reading this post by now or saw who was posting and skipped this little rant. It's simple, after fifteen years on dating sites and never meeting anyone, I've spent the last seven years just looking for entertainment. I guess that means I'm a waste of time for anyone who is truly looking and should be unfortunate enough to pick me as someone they would like to message.

I tend to listen to people and see what they tell me or ask me and answer those questions or tell them that I am not going to. Some things are private with the person in the past. I don't really want to know their private stuff. You are only going to hear their side of it anyway.

Do I figure people have done some things they are not going to be really proud of? Sure. But if you are just looking for reasons to kick someone around for every thing they ever did then you better be one heck of a good person because that sword cuts both ways.

I really don't want to play shrink/parole officer on a date so someone starts doing the whole this is my dirty laundry speech I excuse myself and let them find and on duty staff somewhere.

Someone who wants to know my life story better be a contract writer for a major publishing company with a fist full, scratch that. car load of money. I will add in and addendum like Mark Twain that they can't publish it for a hundred years after I am dead. lol

Besides if I told them they would not believe it.

well, your blurb made me look at your profile..(you are too young for me, btw)..
then I looked at google map..
what is your closest mountain range that you go to?

If you have mental health struggles, let them know as soon as you both move into an exclusive &/or the BF/GF phase. They have an absolute right to know & in all honesty, it will make life easier on you both & a H of a lot less stressful! Embarrassment is nothing more than deception in this area.....
And.... You may find the mate who helps & accepts you the best in the process.

By the time I get a man I would have confessed everything to you lot on the confession thread.
Flip I better get to that thread again.

Here's the thing.
If I fall for someone, whatever came before, made him
what he is now, so I am grateful for any life experiences
he must have had to turn out so stellar.

Do I want to know?
I am always curious, but one must be prepared..'curiosity
killed the cat..but satisfaction brought it back.'

Do I tell my secrets?
Not much to tell :-(

I don't really have an agenda. I would prefer to just get to know someone as time goes on naturally. Unless they are a convicted murderer or they have a sexual assault record... That I prefer to know before the first date

It all comes out as part of growing together process...
Hiding stuff just gonna lead to mistrust...
So I think early is key...
Then any doubts can be worked thru...

In a relationship, revealing oneself to your partner is a process of getting to know each other deeply depending on your conversation or situation that will arise. You don't just reveal or confess everything about yourself out of the blue. If it is relevant to a spontaneous communication , I think slowly or gradually both of you share the negatives and positives in yourself , experiences or attitudes. A relationship is all about sharing of yourself, your life and everything to your partner, no secrets , no hiding of one's feelings...... Openness is very important. Questions unanswered could lead to mistrust, doubts , wrong assumptions or create gap ......it is much better to be frank and honest in revealing your true self but this only happens at the right moment and with the right person. When trust is there, it is easier to open up, everything just flow freely with no hesitations or fears. Revelation of one true self may lead to acceptance or rejection and this will determine the success of your relationship.