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| Topic: Attorney Jokes | |
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ATTORNEY JOKES:
1- Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!". The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 2- A lawyer is a person who writes a 4000-word document and calls it a "brief" 3- An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it?", grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." |
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Edited by
joethebricky
on
Sat 10/31/15 02:00 AM
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A man phones a lawyer and says how much will you charge for answering 3 simple questions.
Lawyer says $1000. The man says, bloody hell, that a bit expensive isn't it. The lawyer says, yes it is, now what's your 3rd question  |
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
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Edited by
bobcobber
on
Mon 11/02/15 05:14 PM
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What's the difference between a dead snake in the middle of a desert highway and a dead lawyer in the middle of a desert highway?
There are skid marks in front of the snake. |
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Why does a lawyers wear neck tie ? Keeps the skin from creeping over the chin |
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ATTORNEY JOKES: 1- Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!". The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 2- A lawyer is a person who writes a 4000-word document and calls it a "brief" 3- An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it?", grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Do you want to know the best Attorney joke I know? Barack Hussein Obama. 
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ATTORNEY JOKES: 1- Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!". The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 2- A lawyer is a person who writes a 4000-word document and calls it a "brief" 3- An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it?", grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Do you want to know the best Attorney joke I know? Barack Hussein Obama.
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ATTORNEY JOKES: 1- Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!". The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 2- A lawyer is a person who writes a 4000-word document and calls it a "brief" 3- An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it?", grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Do you want to know the best Attorney joke I know? Barack Hussein Obama.
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ATTORNEY JOKES: 1- Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!". The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 2- A lawyer is a person who writes a 4000-word document and calls it a "brief" 3- An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it?", grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." Do you want to know the best Attorney joke I know? Barack Hussein Obama. Yeah, that's the problem with MOST political commentary as "jokes." It isn't funny no matter who's side you're on, and just ends up being annoying . |
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or,maybe,some were born without a Funny Bone!
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Lawyers Are Full Of Bull
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning." |
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Lawyers Are Full Of Bull A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
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Lawyers Are Full Of Bull A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning." Priceless...
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