Can you do that during a date, stay in the moment?
So you notice what is really going on, or are you like me and just let things happen?

I realised after my last date just how important it is to stay in the moment during a date ... I didn't, and missed an awful lot of red flags.
When I went back in the moment later on, I did see them though. So if I hadn't made the effort afterwards, I could have ended up with a guy who's not right for me, again.

How does that work for you?

take it slow and give them enough rope to hang them selfs with

hope next time works for you : )

Thank you

But I actually meant to ask if others can do this ...

I am always a bit nervous on a date Ms. Crystal,
so I am kind of always "stay in that moment"

Sometimes, I overthink.
So I have to strive harder to "stay in that moment"

Sometimes, I do not get what the guy means hahaha
that is always my cue, not to "stay in the moment"
and take time to figure it out myself,
before I will acquiesce for a 2nd date on that guy,
if I think, its worth the trouble.

Lots of laughter and music most of the time,
helps me "Stay in that moment"
till it is time for me & my date to decide
if a 2nd date is good for both of us
or would just be a waste of time:)

Just sayin:)

Well, I think that I can. If I'm on a date though I want to have a nice time and stay in the moment in the sense of not worrying about the future. I saw red flags when I met my last girlfriend and had serious doubts about getting involved with her but I also liked her and felt a connection with her.

Sometimes you can do irresponsible things and still take responsibility for them. Like having unprotected sex when you're prepared to be a dad to the kid if she does get pregnant.

So, I got involved with somebody that I really wasn't sure about and I told her that I wasn't sure about her and that we would just see how it went. Well, it didn't go that well in the sense that it developed into a proper relationship. It didn't. I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to not just tell her that we should just be friends. Even though she had some serious problems I would have been prepared to stand by her and she had been honest up front that she did have serious problems.

So, I met a girl that wanted a nice guy that I thought would probably mess me about. She did. She's history. Sadly, it didn't work out. I couldn't really deal with her drama. I mean, it wasn't that I said that to her. I took her calls and tried to be supportive but I couldn't solve her problems for her. I can be a nice guy but I can't really come running to the aid of a damsel in distress every time she has a crisis. But she knew that and if what she wanted was a guy that has a car she should have said so.

Sorry to ramble on about that but I suppose that it's different if you're prepared to take a chance, even though you have serious doubts. It's different if you're not worrying about being stuck in a relationship that doesn't work for years. That's it basically. Whether you can see the drama coming or not, when it does you just let them know that you can't deal with it. You're sympathetic but simply incapable of being what they want you to be and then they'll just go and find someone else that is prepared to do that and you're rid of them.

Actually, Crystal, I think you may be making an analytical error with this.

I'm all in favor of "staying in the moment" in general, because existence happens in each moment.

However, when it comes to "red flag" behaviors, it's not that simple. Trying to "stay in the moment" and catch them as they are happening, is likely to get you into more trouble than letting things slide in the moment, and pondering them later.

Just think about some of the things that people use as "red flag" indicators. A lot of them only mean bad stuff, when they occur along with other ones, and by themselves, can actually be extremely positive things.

Little example: you go out with a guy who insists on holding every door open for you, and acting out the whole Chivalrous White Knight persona. Could be he's trying really hard to impress you. Could be he's really that wonderful and caring.

Or it could be that he's a psychotic control freak, who will demand that you repay every small act of his, with his own choice of "kind acts" of your own, and will end up driving you nuts, or even hurting you.

I've known people who were very careful about organizing their lives, and claimed that this was to make everything go smoothly for their mates. But it turned out that this seemingly admirable quality was actually how they arranged for their multiple deluded "mates" all cooperated in helping them cheat on all of them.

And then there's the seeming warning signs of trouble, which when you later learn the whole story, turn out to be proof of how truly fabulous the person is. They may be late to meet up with you, and you fear that they are callous about appreciating the importance of your time. But after you let things slide and get to know them better, you learn that they are the kind of person who does lose track of time, but also stops to help others in need, and late because they rescued four pets, helped two little old ladies deal with challenges, and stopped to buy you a flower by way of apology after realizing how late they were.

In short, as long as you realize that you NEVER lose the right to reverse course with someone, you needn't fear that you overlooked the wrong "flag" in the moment.