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| Topic: Relationships... to be or not to be.... | |
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Ok so I have my thoughts on relationships but I'm trying to see if anyone on here thinks the same...
I read some posts on here and yes some make sense, like this lady who is battling cancer and a lot of people are wishing her the best...but for the most part I don't see much in depth thoughts in regards to topics...a lot of "pass the time" conversations... What does this have to do with relationships you ask... Those that are reaching out to that lady, some are genuine and really care, and some are just "passing the time"... We tend to start off one way but somewhere along the line things get foggy... Like this post that I'm writing here now, is it about relationships or the lady that is battling cancer... Its about relationships, you can figure out why I mentioned her on your own... So this whole thing boils down to commitment...regardless of what goes on you must be committed to make a relationship work...some may disagree but here is my theory... You decided to get involved with someone not knowing their true intentions, just be truthful about that... Now if the person turns out not to be who you thought they were, its not that person who is in the wrong...there is no one to blame, not even yourself...you both decided to get into a relationship, and that's why I brought up commitment... Do I feel relationships are to be, yes, if both involved are honest with each other about their intentions, and stick to it...if not then I feel those involved are just "passing the time", and it has no true meaning... I've been told I'm scared of it, not true, its more like I know what it takes and not everyone feels the same way about it... Why would one get divorced after 40 years together ?...don't say cheating because it clearly was not the first time... I can go on and on, like a relationship should lol, but this is not that so share your thoughts... Peace.. |
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if she says yes....i'm in...
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My uncle left his wife of 47 years for another woman, so yeah, people do get divorced after many years together. I don't see anything wrong with it (the leaving, not the cheating, I feel the cheating was lousy), would you rather someone stayed with you past the time they actually loved or cared about you anymore, simply due to the amount of years they had invested? I wouldn't. I know a lot of couples that brag about X many years together, but for me it's the quality of the time, not the longevity. Not sure if that was the purpose of your post, but that's what I got from it. People stay together for all sorts of reasons, and they leave for all sorts of reasons, but if I was involved with a guy and he found himself over me, I'd want him out the door immediately. It's too hurtful and embarrassing otherwise..
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As Jerrod Niemann said in the song Lover, Lover
Well the truth Well it hurts to say I'm gonna pack up my bags And I'm gonna go away I'm gonna split I can't stand it I'm gonna give it up and quit Ain't never comin back Broke up before I get to go and I got to say I know you used to love me But that was yesterday And the truth I won't fight it When the love starts burning you gots to do what's right Sometimes, it's just not worth the pain. |
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Leaving after so many years just doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own...
Getting hurt is a part of growth...if you fall off your bike are you going to throw it away for a new one...learn how to ride... And get one that you won't out grow... |
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Leaving after so many years just doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own... Getting hurt is a part of growth...if you fall off your bike are you going to throw it away for a new one...learn how to ride... And get one that you won't out grow... Getting hurt is part of growth, but it's also part of a slow painful death. I can see where you are coming from. After so many years together why can't they just work it out? Sometimes that simply isn't possible. When staying feel worse than dying. It's time to go. |
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Lol @ argo...
Yeah@ rug... its a slow death if you stick around for all that time... I wish more women would respond like @ trysta...their view is important... Woke up thinking I would read more of their replies...wonder why not... |
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.regardless of what goes on you must be committed to make a relationship work
Not necessarily how you seem to mean it. Relationship: - the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. -the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other. "Relationship" is a simple word. Your "relationship" with someone begins as soon as you interact with them in some way. Your "relationship" with someone starts from "hi." Sure, it takes a "commitment" to continue the interaction. But the "commitment" can be as simple as wanting to finish up a conversation, the "commitment" can be as simple as committing to showing up for the date. You're committing to the end, to when you punctuate a conversation with "nice talking to you, take care." You don't have to be committed to a grand scheme and goal definition of "RELATIONSHIP," requiring some sort of legally enforced defined role you are obliged to be ruled by until the end of time. I've been told I'm scared of it, not true, its more like I know what it takes and not everyone feels the same way about it...
You don't know what it takes. You can't know what it takes. No one does. You said yourself "not knowing their true intentions..." That means you don't know what it will take to make a relationship work with them. You are coming up with an idea of what you think is limiting conditions on your behavior, looking for who you have to be next week, next year, next decade, that you have to commit to now. You are predefining the relationship and your role in it. The only reason to do that is to sabotage yourself from approaching it realistically, to induce the flight response so you can run away from perceived dangers while telling yourself you aren't running away. It's no different than convincing yourself there is a monster under your bed and saying "I'm not scared of monsters! I just know how vulnerable I am when I sleep, only a fool would open themselves up to the danger and I'm not a fool." Why would one get divorced after 40 years together ?
Fear or lack of fulfillment/purpose to continuing the relationship. |
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Leaving after so many years just doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own... Getting hurt is a part of growth...if you fall off your bike are you going to throw it away for a new one...learn how to ride... And get one that you won't out grow... Getting hurt is part of growth, but it's also part of a slow painful death. I can see where you are coming from. After so many years together why can't they just work it out? Sometimes that simply isn't possible. When staying feel worse than dying. It's time to go. |
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Never trust a big butt and a smile....
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 Hye raised in new york is it?
(forgive me if i was wrong) i enjoyed reading your thread i liked the way u expressed what u thought COMMITMENT ~ 100% definitely !!! You decided to get involved with someone not knowing their true intentions, just be truthful about that... Now if the person turns out not to be who you thought they were, its not that person who is in the wrong...there is no one to blame, not even yourself... you both decided to get into a relationship, and that's why I brought up commitment... ~ Well said !!! Couldn't have put it better myself I've been told I'm scared of it, not true, its more like I know what it takes and not everyone feels the same way about it... are you sure? p.s. that "cancer lady" is my bestie Sincerely, LIFE 
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I m new here still searching but haven't found my man yet
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I m new here still searching but haven't found my man yet Good luck sweetie
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Leaving after so many years just doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own... Getting hurt is a part of growth...if you fall off your bike are you going to throw it away for a new one...learn how to ride... And get one that you won't out grow... Getting hurt is part of growth, but it's also part of a slow painful death. I can see where you are coming from. After so many years together why can't they just work it out? Sometimes that simply isn't possible. When staying feel worse than dying. It's time to go. Ditto. The only thing worse than staying with someone who's sole goal is to make you miserable, just because they can, is staying one more day. |
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Edited by
TMommy
on
Fri 09/25/15 06:30 PM
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Leaving after so many years just doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own... Getting hurt is a part of growth...if you fall off your bike are you going to throw it away for a new one...learn how to ride... And get one that you won't out grow... Getting hurt is part of growth, but it's also part of a slow painful death. I can see where you are coming from. After so many years together why can't they just work it out? Sometimes that simply isn't possible. When staying feel worse than dying. It's time to go. Ditto. The only thing worse than staying with someone who's sole goal is to make you miserable, just because they can, is staying one more day. my parents divorced when I was five I grew up saying to myself that I would never do that to my own kids got married at 23 and meant those vows wore em like a badge of honor..like the cross I was meant to bear come good times or bad, hell or high water I stuck it out for the sake of my kids, for the family unit read every damn book I could get my hands on about how to be a better more supportive and loving wife read all the ladies magazines articles about how to put the spark back in a marriage when it was fluttering out and each year I got a little sadder you cannot change someone who does not want to change after my oldest son got married..I took a good hard look at my life my youngest was 11 at that time and I knew if I kept going the way I was I wasn't gonna make it til that baby graduated and went off to college I was miserable and anytime I brought it up I was told it was all in my head and that I just did not know how to be content with what we had what we had was two people that lived more like room mates than man and wife he got more and more controlling I let go and accepted the failure of my marriage |
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sorry for that can I be ur friend
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my parents divorced when I was five I grew up saying to myself that I would never do that to my own kids got married at 23 and meant those vows wore em like a badge of honor..like the cross I was meant to bear come good times or bad, hell or high water I stuck it out for the sake of my kids, for the family unit read every damn book I could get my hands on about how to be a better more supportive and loving wife read all the ladies magazines articles about how to put the spark back in a marriage when it was fluttering out and each year I got a little sadder you cannot change someone who does not want to change after my oldest son got married..I took a good hard look at my life my youngest was 11 at that time and I knew if I kept going the way I was I wasn't gonna make it til that baby graduated and went off to college I was miserable and anytime I brought it up I was told it was all in my head and that I just did not know how to be content with what we had what we had was two people that lived more like room mates than man and wife he got more and more controlling I let go and accepted the failure of my marriage thank u for sharing this love
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Well then, things are picking up...
Hello @ais69...yes I'm from new York... yes I'm sure lol.. Ok so we all know what relationship I'm talking about...if you want to start using Webster/oxford definitions, you are just trying to avoid the reality @ ciretom...and by the way it takes 100% commitment...I understand vulnerability is not a good feeling but it is what it is... So no woman with a big butt and nice smile deserves a chance? @goofball...I happen to like those things...especially the nice smile... @tmommy...I get what you said, but why look for all that advice in books...search within yourself, you have the answers...learn from others mistakes and your own, and you will be just fine...your strong anyway, just from what you wrote I can tell... @pacific...totally agree, and it should not take no 40 years... Oh and @sagittarius, donshegezy is looking for a friend..lol.. If any half in the relationship is not willing to go all in then it will never work...from my observations, I see both half's not willing so this is why this topic is.... Relationships...to be or not to be... |
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Nothing better if you find the right person. It took me more than 50 years to finally get it right, so I preach patience for those that want it all NOW...
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Patience...indeed..
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