One old sage is some adults are just "Children with experience". When you see adults who seem to fit this category, lots of toys and the debts that go with them, chronic job changers, love to play with the kids or grandkids but rarely do the serious parenting what is your reaction? Will you date and have fun or do you just pass as it is too much aggravation to be worth it?

Hm...you just described my next door neighbor. He is funny but I can imagine he drives his wife completely nuts. He is on his forth job in four years. Just bought an expensive car they can't afford. He is barely more mature than his teenage children. Is this who you would want to date?

I Love women who are a bit Childish.

Debts are not attractive but can be managed.

Job changers, it would depend on the reason for changing jobs so often. If you're not happy with where you work and find another job elsewhere that looks like it might be better for you, then go for it, and it doesn't matter to me how often this happens. It's not easy to find career jobs, particularly round here in UK, I confess I don't know what the Job Market is like in the states.

Parenting, I would expect a little more seriousness in this area. But playful parents does not mean bad parents. So I'd look at the bigger picture. Mainly, are the children happy, and how well behaved are they?

Even though I want a serious relationship. I do not want one with a Woman who is too serious herself. I can sometimes be too serious, so I kinda need someone like that to bring me out.

I don't dislike fun, I just find it hard to create my own sometimes.

Til you got to the part about "debts" and no job ambition well that got me. Maybe in my 20's I might have but I seriously doubt it.

I want a partner, always have and always will, I don't want someone that I have to shoulder the responsibility of being his parent also.

I could hang around them, have some fun in a very strict platonic way, keeping my boundaries in place.

Nope it isn't

Looking for a better job is understandable as long as the person looking is still employed in the first job. True there are several reasons why people are between jobs.

I spend time playing with my boys and their friends all of the time but I also know that paying the bills and so on is a necessity.

I will pass it for sure..debts!

^^^That sure would not work for me. I don't want to be super serious all the time but at least take care of business so I don't have to be stressing how the rent is getting paid and the kids fed. WOW you may have a divorcee for a neighbor soon.

I believe there is a huge difference between being child like and irresponsible.
I think most of us still play with our kids, love life and figure out how to mix it all together with holding a job, paying bills etc.

Changing jobs to better ones self is a whole lot different than making a career out of dead end jobs.

Having debt to some extent is understandable not to the point that it affects your lifestyle.[/color

This all sounds a bit judgmental to me and I don't really like your use of the word "toys" there. What, pray tell, is the difference between my guitar collection and a woman's wardrobe full of expensive shoes?

My reaction is to either not care enough to have a reaction, to think "awww man, I wish I had one of those!" to "it's their life."


I really don't see how I will figure out if they have lots of "toys" AND lots of debt, "chronically" change jobs, or if they really love playing with kids while rarely doing the "serious parenting," without dating them or developing a very personal relationship.

In person, I can sit back and make judgmental assumptions, though.
If I was the type of person to do that, then I wouldn't date people I've made negative judgments about.

With online dating I don't see how I'd really "know" this information.

How do I figure out "the debts that go with them" unless I am actually privy to their financial information?

Are they telling me that in their email to me before we even meet?

I would never sit online and email chat with someone long enough for them to feel secure enough to share their finances with me.
And I would never date anyone I've decided to just be friends with (very personal relationship).


Other than that, I'd date who I was attracted to.

I don't consider a date or dating a commitment to work towards more commitment.

Plus I can protect myself from potential negative aspects of their life or decisions because I have the magical ability to say "no" and actually follow through.


Isn't that more along the lines of marriage rather than dating?
Am I crazy that I don't move in with and rely on someone to help pay rent while I'm dating them?

Because that seems to be two different threads.
Is this two different threads? "Would you date someone like..." and..."how long would you stay married to someone who..."

Some people after they get married do change and take out their problems with the other person and sabotage the relationship.
They may have been perfectly responsible before they got married, but she may have started taking on the role of "mom," and in response he takes on the role of "child," and over time those roles just keep getting reinforced so her behavior becomes more polarized towards "mom," and his becomes more polarized towards "child."
She worries more, he acts out more, spends money, eats nothing but junk food, drinks.

Or he may take on the role of stoic cowboy wanting to maintain his free individual sovereign identity, herding his family while she is pushed to take out secret credit cards and maxing them out to show she isn't cattle and can't be herded and controlled, or starts drinking, or cheats.

When things fail, they just revert back to who they were before the relationship.

Of course some people are just children with a lot of birthdays.

But you never "really" know unless you date someone.


So, I'd date them, if I was attracted to them.
If I didn't like their personality, or behavior, or their lifestyle was completely incompatible with mine, I'd stop dating them.

i would never date the opposite.
has Kids form some other dude, does everything for the Kids, lives to make the family happy... But is miserable herself.

I got a lot to offer - but that particular "classic" route i will never go.
too much of an aggravation to live with such a woman.
A way of life gone by.

I rather keep doing what i do
- save 50-55% of my paycheck each and every month
- live frugal
- make professional progress that requires me to stay sharp and change jobs every 2-3 years to move forwards and stay ahead of the game
- watch how i spend money
- ask no bank (thief?) anything
- owe nobody a dime
- "deal with it" when life sucks once again... and laugh at those that wish to see me fail.

Yep. Am a Child and love it.

if u like to criticize every aspect of the persons life yes please stay away mind your own business constant criticizing is a form of mental abuse. what grandfather or grandmother doesn't love to play with their grand kids and give them back to parents to parent.

The former makes more sense.

I tend to like mature responsible women that know how to have fun let their hair down.. even tell the odd fart joke... quick quick pull my finger lol..And even I would be okay if she likes gaming.. but you need to know you are an adult.. and there are times you need to conduct yourself this way.... fun is fun but responsibility is responsibility..

Now speaking of responsibilities!.. I need to put my lego blocks away!.. an get back to work lol..

I would say that as long as she does enough "adulting" to make sure that food gets bought and bills get paid then being a bit childlike is fine. Certainly a whole lot healthier than being stressed out all the time trying to "get ahead" at a job that they won't admit that they hate.

wow,well now i know iam sooo undateble.in racing,contracts are only for one to three year,never been with out a job,but most driver move around,its just the way it is, I do have a few toys,most are payed for,who can go out and pay cash for even a used vette these days,not me,and yes i may be 51 but most of the time i feel 35 and act like it, my kids are my hole world.and we still spind time together almost every weekend,but if this all make me off the dating list for the ladies its there loss,maybe ill grow up one of these days?

Well I don't think I was specifically making it a gender issue because some women are just as bad about their toys as men and just as flighty about work or parenting.

I am not talking about people who are following a career or staying employed enough to meet their own needs but those who seem to be the proverbial child forever and let others pick up the slack. I find it kind of unfair that one side gets the "fun" while the other plays at being adult but often they are part of the dating pool sooner or later and I wondered if people date them on a superficial level for recreation or tend to think of maybe the further down the road potential?

I think there are times when parents; and yes even grand parents do more than just step in a play with kids and then give them back. Many Grandparents provide childcare and co-parent or step up in and emergency which I find particularly admirable.

What I find obnoxious when I see it in someone I have dated , yes usually more than just and on line chat or casual date, is playing at grand-parenting and then when the kid is over tired, or needs whatever handing them back over like they are and accessory to be enjoyed and returned with no responsibility for spoiling or helping the parents.

It's been a few years back but when a single parent bragged his teen daughter was living in an unwed mother's shelter while he was playing the happy go lucky bachelor I pretty quickly lost interest.