So I've been talking to this girl I really like, it's just that she's very closed off and doesn't share much. We play on Xbox live and she enjoys playing with me. She even gets excited about it. But idk just seems like she's either very guarded or shy. Any ideas on how to get her to open up some?

Find more common interests. Or sometimes doing nothing is best. Let her come to you. Don't push her to open up. She'll do it when she's ready. Just make it clear that you are there for her if she ever does need it.

You don't think she's just trying to be friends?

I told her if she's uncomfortable with me hitting on her all the time she could tell me, but she didn't say it bothered her

That right there is your problem.. Instead of hitting on her all the time try finding something to talk about. Women really get tired of the sexual remarks you have to stimulate the brain first..

OP, don't take offence to this as it's not meant to be offensive but more a friendly, helpful word in your ear type thing.

forgive me if i have you wrong but reading your posts, you appear to be very insecure about yourself and potential relationships.

i'm not trying to judge you but asking if you're doing things wrong or how to do them etc etc just gives the impression that your quite a needy person who needs to be shown or told how to do everything.

apologies if this seems harsh, but just chill out fella, be yourself and don't try too hard to find someone, things will happen in time.

as for the current predicament, stop trying to "hit on to her", just be friendly, humorous and chatty and if she likes that then things will go from there.

good luck

Not unstable at all. Instability and insecurity are two different things.

Not just girl....anything that you want badly becomes a puzzle for you dude.

Not just girls...anyone if commented repeatedly about same thing would get bored / tired...so just let things happen naturally and swiftly....

that's what i mean, insecure i will edit it thanks

Well maybe hit on was the wrong thing to say, I just meant I always try to ask more about her, or occasional complements. Not really hit on. And yea you're right... :(

Maybe all she wants is friends. Just because she hasn't said it, doesn't mean she doesn't want it. She may have the same insecurities you seem to have and she may not feel comfortable saying anything for fear of hurting you.

I have learned something both from experience and from spending years in medical school so here comes some (I hope) good insight. I came to realize that most people who get into online gaming do so because they are not as comfortable with face to face interactions. Online gaming is an outlet, a way of meeting people. Everyone has their own way of doing things and that happens to be yours (and hers) and there in nothing wrong with it. You can use it to your advantage. As time goes on, get to know one another. If she is as excited as you say she is when the time comes for you two to meet online and play then there will come a time when maybe you two can meet up in person. You already share a common interest. Use that as a jump off point to start something or move on to the next step but again DON'T rush it, you'll do more harm than good that way. Take it slow, give it time. Good things come to those who wait and play their cards right. ;-)

Sorry I asked so many similar questions

My pleasure, just here to help.

Never apologize for asking for help. And nothing wrong with asking similar questions. Clarification is key. Asking more about her is good but if she avoids the topic, move on to something else and come back to it later. Some people don't take compliments well. If you compliment her, fine. Just don't do it ALL the time. Every so often because if she doesn't take compliments well, she may feel pressured if you say it too often.

don't be sorry, like i said, i may have got you wrong, but that's my impression from reading your posts, maybe others think the same? girls who may be interested in your picture or your profile might get the same impression.

just be you and see where that takes you

Great quote from Disable Planets:

"Be you and just be you or be out!"

and as for understanding girls...then good luck with that too as most of us are still trying to do that

I'm a woman and I can't even understand women sometimes. If I had a nickel for every time I had a WTF moment when dealing with a woman...

lol that's funny you can't "deal" with a woman you can only find one that her "WTFs" are acceptable and live as peaceful as you can.

i concur with the Owl.

A) try to understand a Girl... you have a lifetime to try and won'succeed.

B) while we might answer, our answers are not helpful.


I would recommend hanging around real people more than around virtual people, mingle included.
Living Online is no way how to learn to deal with people of all sorts.



go places where other people go to meet up.. Clubs, bars, the street.
People that play Games online are not there because they are interested in Guys. They are interested in playing the game first and foremost.
Just like people that go to work do not go there to be "hit on" or "find love". They go there for the mission and the paycheck.