Within the last year I moved back to my hometown where I grew up. I've made very little friend's due to a horrible relationship I was in in my past. So during this last year I was finding myself again. About four month's ago I met a friend from high school. She and I have been hanging out quite a bit but she told me she isn't looking for a relationship anymore. She told me this at first and I agreed to just be a pal. I slowly started developing feeling's for her during this time and she has told me she like's me. I've been really nice to her and don't want to jeopardize our friendship, but at the same time all I want to do is be around her. She's smart and has noticed my feeling's and like's it. What should I do? Just let thing's move slowly and see where the card's fall?

How do you mean this?

You can't make friends because a horrible past relationship gave you a bad reputation?

You can't make friends with anyone because you are jaded against everyone?

You can't make friends with anyone because a relationship "hurt" you and now you're like a wounded dog dying in the bushes and no one wants to come near you and you need people to chase you down and give you care because you can't do it yourself?

Or you can't make friends with women, who you only really want as friends, never other males, because of emotional problems stemming from bad experiences with women?


What exactly does this mean?
What part of you was lost?

I know this is a common thing to say in movies and among teenagers trying to sound mature, but what were you trying to find?
Personally, I don't think you can ever "find" yourself.
At best you can simply stop lying to yourself.

And maybe off topic but if you do "find yourself" how do you know it is really yourself you find, and not something illusory, looking for what you want to find? And what if you find something you don't want? Do you still accept it? Or do you pick things apart and believe you only reincorporate the "good" things?


Here's a translation for this that is pretty much universal:
"I am not all that attracted to you. But I'm human. I am going to use you for whatever validation (mental, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, whatever) I can get from you.
But I am not going to see it that way. I am going to see myself as being a good and giving friend.
But after I'm bored and have played with you long enough, then it's going to get awkward, it's going to end, and I'm going to be blameless and bear absolutely no responsibility...because I told you, I'm not looking for a relationship. It's your fault for sticking around. I told you from the start what is going to happen."


That's what's supposed to happen.
You can't help that as a biological, herd or group oriented, mammalian animal.
If you spend time around people, you associate feelings with them.
You normalize your emotional life.


You were never friends.
You were just denying what you were really trying to do.
Back your way into a relationship in order to protect your emotional and mental health.


I thought you said you were friends.
Are friends not honest with each other?
You think keeping your feelings to yourself, and trying to figure out how to manipulate, perceive, and behave in the relationship all in your own head doesn't jeopardize a relationship more than your "developing feelings?"


With this you are saying "I have absolutely no desire to take responsibility for my actions or desires."

There are no "things" and there are no "cards."

There is only your decisions and what you choose to do.

If you want to be completely passive waiting for her to take the initiative, or you are content with you both standing on the sides of the gym waiting for the other to make the first move, in essence waiting for something to make the decision for you, then I think you already know how it's going to end.

Obviously whatever you've been doing/saying has been fine by her. I don't think you need advice from people who aren't even in a relationship. Keep being there for her and, as you say, let things move along and see where they take you both.
Good luck and lots of happiness to you

Sounds like you're on her friend list.. That means you get to do things for her, but you never get none.. Just run away..

Humm truth is once in the friend zone it is hard to get out of it. Not impossible...just if you put out that you want more they will either say I really like you but would rather keep things as they are.. Pretty much tells you that you will remain in that friend zone..

It does not mean they are using you to do things ect just they are not interested in you in that way...but they really like hanging out with you...

If you push the situation from there then yea it could put a wedge in the friendship part...

To be honest most of my best friends have been guys... Only cause there is less drama in having guys as friends...