PacificStar stated >>>
OK PLEASE lets focus on the original topic how we can address the needs of military members; not get drawn down into a big debate over what military actions were good ideas or not. THANK YOU!

Looked up some resource s for Vets that I hope every Mingler will keep somewhere for reference.

Suicide Helpline 1-800-273-8255 press 1 Text 838255 24/7/365

www.love our vets.org/does-your-vet-have ptsd/support links

www. operation IV.org extensive resource list

This is not to say every vet is having major issues and needs help. It is just to say it is there and encourage anyone who needs it to go for it with full support and understanding you have every right to it.

Hopefully you find Mingle a welcoming place that is fun and compliments your life. Thank you for your Service and we are proud of you.!!! .

I suppose one thing that you could do is to keep posting militaristic flag waving threads and maybe that would make them feel valued and appreciated.

The problem that I have with that though is that a lot of servicemen come back from wars feeling that the whole business was stupid and awful and the last thing they want to hear is how what they did was great from people that stayed at home and sent them there in the first place, whether they were politicians, or tax paying "patriots" like yourself.

TawtStrat posted >>>
I suppose one thing that you could do is to keep posting militaristic flag waving threads and maybe that would make them feel valued and appreciated.

The problem that I have with that though is that a lot of servicemen come back from wars feeling that the whole business was stupid and awful and the last thing they want to hear is how what they did was great from people that stayed at home and sent them there in the first place, whether they were politicians, or tax paying "patriots" like yourself.

Far too often, people assume a level of familiarity with former military that not only breeches proper office conduct but also invades one'��s '��personal space,'�� says Kules, who today is Alumni Director for the Wounded Warrior Project, an organization dedicated to helping severely injured veterans transition back into civilian life.

What are nine things you should never say to a veteran?

1. '��Thank you for your service, but I don'��t think we should have been there in the first place.'��
Everyone has an opinion about the war but not everyone wants to hear it, says Kules, who explains that people often use him as a sounding board for their take on the war.

'��People should recognize their opinion is a personal view and not necessarily an appropriate thing to share with someone who has obvious physical injuries from a conflict,'�� says Kules. This is especially true in the workplace.

2. '��Why did you join? The military is a job for men.'��
This is extremely antiquated thinking, says Barbara Dorazio, an 18-year Army veteran who is now an Administrative Assistant at CVS Health and a member of VALOR, its veterans resource group. “Women are capable of doing most if not all jobs in the military, just like in the civilian workplace,'�� she says. '��Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but it is best to keep them to yourself in the workplace.'��

3. '��You�'re too rigid to deal with sudden changes.'��
Because service members are forced to adhere to a rigid schedule, many civilians assume they are unable to think outside the box or adapt quickly. That couldn'��t be further from the truth. Many veterans are among the most adaptable employees around.

'��Former military have a resourcefulness, an adaptability to change,'�� says David Casey, a former U.S. Marine who is now Vice President, Workforce Strategies and Chief Diversity Officer at CVS Health. And despite standard operating procedures set in the military, '��things never go as planned, and you have to accomplish your mission in all kinds of environments. The ability to be able to adapt is very important, especially in today's corporate environment,'�� Casey adds.

4. 'You'��re a mother/wife, how could you leave your family while you were deployed?'��
Dorazio points out that fathers and husbands have just as difficult a time leaving their families. '��Veterans wants to focus on being home with their families, not relive the deployment,'�� she says.

5. 'How did your husband/boyfriend feel about you being around all those men?'��
'��A veteran'��s relationship with a significant other is no one'��s business but their own,' Dorazio says. 'This holds true for civilians as well.'

6. 'Do you have post-traumatic stress disorder?'��
'��If you are talking to someone about their injuries, then the best way to ask this is to let the veteran volunteer this information him or herself,'�� advises Kules.

7. '��What'��s the worst thing that happened to you over there?'��
To non-veterans, this seems like a harmless question, but it'��s inappropriate, especially in the workplace. '��This is like asking someone, '��What'��s the worst day of your life? Tell me in detail-��no one wants to do that,'�� says Kules.

8. 'Have you ever killed anyone?'��
This question is extremely personal and may force a veteran to relive an episode that he or she prefers not to relive. 'The person asking this question doesn'��t have any idea how the veteran may feel about the situation,'�� says Kules.

9. '��Were you raped?'��
This question may seem pertinent given the rise in reported military sexual assaults, but just as with a civilian, this is an extremely sensitive matter. '��While there is a spotlight on rape in the military right now, as there should be, this question invades a veteran'��s privacy and it may force them to relive painful memories,'�� Dorazio says.

I suppose one thing that you could do is to keep posting militaristic flag waving threads and maybe that would make them feel valued and appreciated.

The problem that I have with that though is that a lot of servicemen come back from wars feeling that the whole business was stupid and awful and the last thing they want to hear is how what they did was great from people that stayed at home and sent them there in the first place, whether they were politicians, or tax paying "patriots" like yourself.

THE GREAT DIVIDE
What do we need to know about veterans?
By Leo Shane III - Stars and Stripes
Published: May 29, 2013

Thomas Brennan, military affairs reporter at the Jacksonville (N.C.) Daily News

During an interview, my future employer asked if I suffered from PTSD due to my service overseas. Unashamed of my diagnosis, I said yes. Months later, the Sandy Hook massacre occurred and he hollered across the newsroom asking if I '��was going to go all PTSD and shoot up the place someday?'��

Do not joke about PTSD. It is a personal battle that hundreds of thousands of veterans share. We may struggle in crowds, have nightmares or have a myriad of issues. Our disorder does not warrant jokes and it does not warrant pity. A fine line of acceptance and respect should be walked. Accept us for who we are and encourage us to continue therapy, despite how difficult we find it. Do not allow us to become one of the 22 veterans who commit suicide daily.

'��Thank you for your service'�� is a default phrase by many. Replace it with action. Thank us by listening to us. Thank us by fighting the VA backlog that prevents us from the care we fought for. Thank us by asking the difficult questions. Make sure we are okay. Make sure we are not forgotten. Make sure we are understood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
J.R. Martinez, actor and 'Dancing with the Stars'�� champion

Veterans want to live as normal of a life as anyone else. However, due to situations they'��ve constantly been put in, it makes the possibility more difficult but not impossible when they return home.

The biggest divide is experience and appreciation. Service members have witnessed life on a level that most citizens have only experienced through a movie. Continued communication is needed, not necessarily to understand each other but to know the limits of one another. We need not to judge each other but listen and work together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NP...I've been waging this war on the DOD far longer then those with whom can only 'TALK' about it! I've got all my congressional/senator email address and they do HEAR FROM ME!

The intent of this thread is not to be Militaristic or flag waving. You can be grateful to a portion of society because they have done something that should be respected, whatever their reasons for serving (family tradition, employment, education, or patriotism) as well as just be supportive of the need that is SOMETIMES identified as affecting a significant number of those who have served. It does not take a genius to figure out that military service has it's hardships even if a veteran never sees combat.

I would question how many service members you have had contact with if you believe that service members believe they were sent by "politicians or tax paying patriots" since it has long been a volunteer force. At least in the USA. Even before it was a volunteer force many of service members Joined and were hot drafted.

I can not speak for other nations. Since I have talked to a great number of soldiers from other countries services (and their families) while they were in reciprocal training and shared duty with US troops I can assure your concept was non existent. I never heard expressed "resentment" but in fact great gratitude because I just made them feel welcomed "in the neighborhood so to speak; not always a universal concept, because it was often a subject ignored.

Perhaps yours is a limited exposure to soldiers with problems, or perhaps problem soldiers who were AWOL and hanging out in places that they were banned or at least "discouraged" from being. Alcohol and drug use is actively discouraged in today's military. Or maybe it is just my good fortune to meet elite troops who made every effort to be the best of their best.

I have yet to have a service member ever in the slightest way resent being respected for being in the military weather they "liked" every feature of what it means to be a service member or not.

PacificStar stated >>>
OK PLEASE lets focus on the original topic how we can address the needs of military members; not get drawn down into a big debate over what military actions were good ideas or not. THANK YOU!

PacificStar posted >>>
I think that is good citizenship; keep it up. And thanks for the lists. Been a while since I have compiled anything. I tend to know more the civilian resources which I would also encourage Vets to use. I well remember "coming back to the world" outside of the military community and it is "different" and something of a "culture shock".

I see Mingle as a great way for a service member active duty or separating to build a network of friends that would not be so bound by borders. And a great opportunity to be seen as PERSON first and career second.

I do think it is important to really listen sometimes even if it is not always easy. It is tough being someplace far from friends and home and that little extra effort at real friendship is important.

I will still stress it is not always the more severe things like PTSD or serious injury but just getting to know people and how things are done. In the military the instruction/mentoring is a little more common than the civilian world. Sometimes small things mean a lot when you come home like being invited to a BBQ or sharing a babysitter's name.

Someone who gets it!...And can I just reiterate....IT DOES NOT TAKE A GENIUS to figure things out...More like manners, compassion, common sense, appreciation and a true desire to understand and HELP...Anyone who thinks our active military and our vets do not want this communicated to them by the civilians they serve would be a person I would have a hard time understanding....Well said Star..

Well said! Both of you. I meet lots vets from two (actually three) areas of my life. From the aviation end, many are quick to talk about life in the military and life after getting back home. The one overriding message that is heard over and over is "get rid of the civil servants at the VA". Although some vets profess good medical care, many tell long tales of woe trying to get the VA staff to "try" or "make a reasonable effort". More than one vet has told me they didn't get care because the staff "was on break".

From another direction I cook for the public for various BBQ events. Vets like BBQ and they like to talk. I hear stories of very long periods of action that make the time actually spent in battle during WWII seem trivial (it is not). These conditions lead to PTS and stress at home looking for a job makes it worse.

The government and business could do better helping to match skills with available jobs.

The approach I have found works the best with a vet is to say, "I'd like to hear your story". Most have one and are willing to share over BBQ and beer. In all cases, talking about what happened seems to relieve some stress. I always thank them for their service.

Vets have been getting screwed since the first day armies were formed.
Basically a country organizes and forms an army when it needs, or just want to, fight with some other countries army. Sometimes hundreds of thousands or even millions of men are pressed into service.
Once the war is over these men are no longer "needed", so governments give them a few medals, have a parade or two and send them back home, usually to an economy that's been devastated and drained by years of warfare. Veteran's "benefits" cost money, a lot of money. And very few governments are likely to do more than pay lip service to returning vets. When I got out of service in the seventies I was guaranteed educational benefits. The VA and the state paid for me to go to college. Now enlistees are enrolled in what amounts to a 401 plan for educational use.

You want to do something for vets? Demand from your government that every enlistee on the completion of their term get; free life time healthcare at the doctor or hospital of their choice, free educational and or job training benefits, and a lifetime pension according to rank achieved.

suicide is a sad reality, in general , I believe people have become less and less skilled at coping skills


it is sadly expected, to me, that during times of deployment(and the years covered here appear to be during period where we had plenty of deployment) veterans are having to cope with quite a lot , memories, stigma,, consciense,,etc,,


perhaps along with all the training to kill on command like a well oiled machine, there should be an equal emphasis on handling the HUMAN side of the equation,,,,