With billions of adults struggling with muscle versus weight how truly important to you is it when getting in being being in a relationship? How do you think having too little just right or too much of either really matters and why? Please be respectful.

Again, I am uncertain exactly what you mean.

I am very concerned about my own weight and muscles. It inhibits me often.

As for others, it's quite simple: it doesn't matter how much I may or may not idealize someone's character, personality, or skills. Attraction is, as always, governed by responses out of my control. I can indeed choose NOT to act every time I am attracted, but I cannot choose to BECOME attracted if I am not so, naturally.

I am a weird duck on this subject... I have dated very very heavy men, normal weight men, skinny men, I have dated some shorter men and some very tall men. What usually attracts me and pulls me in is their mind. I have to be attracted to the person..

If someone is overweight, has a great personality, and is working on themselves then I am going to be more responsive..

I have also been attracted to eye candy and with in a few minutes I have been turned off if the person is so full of themselves that there is nothing there.

To me attraction is a fickle thing for me. I was recently asked what "my Type" was I couldn't pin it down...

I was thinking about it as I viewed it over the years.

When I was a toddler and looked nothing like the family I lived with it seemed to be something everyone was aware of.

A little older and extremely thin fighting for weight was every bit as hard to find normalcy as I did when I was older and had to struggle to stay in competition weight, or even as I nudged over what I would really like to be as a harried Mother and wife. I certainly was glad to shed the unwanted attention of being the ideal those 20's/30's years. I think the discrimination against just right is every bit as pronounced as those who are well over the ideal. I often saw the same cruelty projected at both. I never quite got the jealousy over something I had little or no control over. I also believe that unless you really dare some risky things if you are considerably over then the cure only presents another set of problems. Especially when those who make the sacrifices to return to the ideal number pretty much get the shaft when it comes to covering the costs of what is considered cosmetic corrections that should be part and partcial to recovery.

Later years as a caregiver I was too worried to deal with any issue except trying to keep enough sustenance in my hospice patients to keep them alive. A issue that I am really glad to retire. I still find myself trying to be supportive of those I care about that are having to monitor what they eat; muscle /weight issues. Seems like a lot of efforts are sabotaged by greed and poor quality options. Especially after a bought of digestive problems of my own made me go through hoops.

Now when weight/eating could be such a pleasant, affordable, and social thing it is again something I do think of rarely. I wonder if that is not age where looks seems to have taken a back burner to personality. I rarely pick a partner by their belt size. I don't think I would want to be the food police for anyone .

I too have difficulty defining my "type" of man. There are certain physical aspects that will draw my eye every time, but if all that person draws is my eye... I've met people and not had an immediate physical reaction, but after getting to know them found them extremely attractive.

^^^^Very True

There are so many variables of attraction in human beings that for myself I could never have just one set of standards.

Goof will not comment on this subject.

Surprises me Goof. I have never heard you bash anyone for being themselves. I remember you always being kind to every size woman, even over a decade ago when a younger men were not often not applauded for being so wise. Sure you kid around but it is not like you are just doing it to suck up and get in some gals pants but to see their self worth. I always thought it was core to you having a good self worth. Many would be lucky to have even a few of your traits.

Could be because nowadays ya.get bashed for being honest
for instance if I said I prefer dating man at least my height or taller I run risk of offending any man less than 5ft10. If I say I prefer man with well groomed facial hair?clean shaven men might get miffy
If I say that a few extra pounds do not bother me but I would prefer someone who is not morbidly obese because of health issues that often accompany it and because I am physically active this opens me up to being called a chubby hater
which would be ridiculous since my ex husband was almost 400 lbs before his gastric bypass

Well since I have mucho respect for ya Pacific....here we go.

I'll give you what I feel is the perfect girl for me. She will be radiant with a crazy sense of self. Humor, a child-like spirit and sex appeal that is not based on how thin or how big she is. I can't really say what body type she is but the thing is I will only know it when I see her. Quite possible my one true crush....the one girl I never was with (not physically ya pervs) is/was my dream girl type. Or perhaps she is waiting around the corner. Or maybe I already know her but I have yet to get to "know her".

Thanks for the input. Consistent with the Goof I find cool.

I guees it all comes down to the little variance we all like in our head but then when we see someone that for whatever reason knocks our socks off if it doesn't meet that pre conceived notion it is ok or even better than ok.

I HATE THE BMI WITH A PASSION!!!!

I am considered overweight and I'm at about 19% body fat. I also know people that are considered borderline obese at 7% body fat, and for those of you that don't know what that looks like go find a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was Mister Universe.

When it comes to being fit, as long as you can pass a military Physical Readiness Test (PRT) without killing yourself, that's good enough.

So you don't say what you like, because other ppl start whining?? Somehow that doesn't seem like you?

I agree with SuzQ. Sure you can fancy certain things, but that doesn't mean you can't be seriously attracted to someone who hasn't got those features.

But .. in general I really don't feel attracted to someone who's seriously overweight. A few extra pounds don't bother me, but really fat...
Too skinny, I'd be afraid he'd break ...

And I've learnt that a man with very thin legs, not a muscle to be seen, puts me off.
Too much muscle doesn't appeal to me either, like those over the top trained steroid body builder muscles. I prefer more natural looking muscles

And he can be a regular Adonis, totally 'my type' etc.. but if he's shorter than me, it's not going to work. That's not a mental decision, just doesn't work.

Hmmmmmm.....checking....checking.....looks like I fit your criteria.

Who me? Haahaaa oh hell no woman I say what I want let chips.fall.where they may

Having grown up along the coast in Southern Calif., in my younger years I used to prefer the tanned beach hardbodies. But older now, it really doesn't matter as long as they are a good person and there is a MUTUAL attraction. j/s

Many people "choose" to be offended these days. If someone gets all butthurt for not having a specific characteristic you're looking for they need to get over themselves. There's no way every individual is going to perfectly fit every other individual's preferences. I'm usually clean-shaven, but these days wear a shortly trimmed beard in the Winter. If someone doesn't like that, why in the hell should I be offended by it? That's just ridiculous and, to me at least, the mark of someone trying to please everyone but themselves, and if you can't be happy with yourself how can anyone else ever be happy with you?

I can understand thinking, "Oh man!!! She likes facial hair and I don't like having a beard! What else do I have to offer?" But to be OFFENDED by it! Grow up and earn to live in your own skin.

Just my take on it.

Psssst sometimes on a dating site
there have been times
not pointing fingers of course
when I suspect the answers posted
might not be completely honest
or a true reflection of who that person really is..
but instead it is more of an azzkissing PC version of saying what they think opposite sex wants to hear

I suppose in hopes of getting more messages and potential dates