I met a wonderful woman online recently (appx 2months).

She tells me that my response to her profile is why she replied the first time. All I did was open conversation topics pertaining to what she wrote.

We exchanged our reasons for choosing online dating, our wants and desires for the 'perfect' match and what we expect 'true love' to be.

The conversations continued on the dating site until we exchanged emails and took the relationship personal. I deleted my profile and the bookmark to the dating site and we continued conversing via email.
We exchanged all of our likes & dislikes, our financial and relationships status, expectations of how we want love expressed to us and mundane daily activities.

I found myself loving the idea of us meeting and we met in real life at a donut shop in her small town (appx 40 miles away from me).
We talked and held hands and went for a ride in my truck. She showed me around her town and hinted at where she lived. She is a bit chubbier than her picture but I found her beautiful. She was very self-conscious and reserved. I understood that. I also treated her with respect and allowed her to dictate the date.

About a week later I suggested we have a picnic at my local park. I picked up some 1" rib-eyes and assorted cold salads and we met at the park. She took a bunch of pictures of me and we chatted and did a nature walk in the woods. She kissed my cheek.

We have gone back to emailing. I told her my street address and sent her a google map. I invited her anytime she want to come visit. She told me where she lives but not the specific address. I understand that a woman may feel insecure about a guy she just met. I gave her my phone number and I called her.

I tried to set up a date with her for the BBQ & Blues festival but she declined at the last minute.
I found that she is extremely reserved but continues to answer back. She has never once invited me to visit her home and only emails me once a day or two. I always respond with a email and I never push sex or meeting.

I want to get closer to this woman that says she thinks I'm great but I can't seem to get her to put her hands down long enough to get close. If this keeps up I am going to have to look elsewhere.

During these encounters, both personally and virtually I get filled with love. I think about her being part of my life and us getting really close. It fills me with joy and I want to go sweep her into my arms.

Am I in love or in love with the idea of being in love? We all have issues and she has plenty. Nothing that trips my alarms but some things I am not fond of. I am willing to overlook those things to be closer to her. From what she has told me I know I could be good for her. Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

Have I been alone for so long that any love I feel gets warped into a delusion? Is there a way to clear the fog of anticipation to prove whether it is true love of just the idea of love?

We have yet to discuss sex but we have talked about what 'making love' should be and we are aligned on all the major points. My desire for her company is not driven by lust. Yes, I want her in my bed but not just in my bed - I also want her in my head and heart.

I am pretty articulate and know how to put my feelings to words and she is well aware of my intentions. She claims to want more in our relationship but from her responses to my suggestions to meet at our homes are suggestive but never definite - If so, I would already be there.

Any suggestions?

Am I forcing a dead horse because I love the anticipation of 'being in love' or could this really be love?

I'm a man. These things confuse the hell out of me!

That is one scary post.
It sounds like you don't even like her..she 'dictates' she is 'chubby' you are 'not fond' of her issues.

You want love fast but best wait for someone you can love
and not just tolerate.

ask her directly for the reason

you fell in love with the person you thought she was going to be when you were texting and calling

Funny how when viewed out of context my descriptors look scary. The depth of our discussions are not.

Fast?
Eight years is not fast.

Tolerate?
All love is toleration to a certain extent. Nobody is a perfect match. There will always be something in everyone that needs to be tolerated. God knows I am not perfect.

Dictates?
Knowing that most men are ready to rip a woman's clothes off for sex and knowing that there are predators everywhere, I put the date into her hands to give her control and allow her to have an out. It was to allow her to feel at ease so we could have a natural encounter, She did - we did and it was good.

Chubby?
I keep my profile pictures updated. I understand that women do not. Her profile picture was accurate but she has some added weight. The context of my statement was to show that even though she was chubbier than her picture I still found her beautiful. BTW - Its her eyes that reeled me in. (She is a double mastectomy cancer survivor). Implying that I am shallow is an unwarranted attack since you don't know me.

Not Fond?
I used those words because I know the traits that I HATE. I lived with it for 25 years. The things I am not fond of are insignificant to her complete personality and demeanor. I'm not fond of her having high blood pressure, I can tolerate it in our relationship because I know that she medicates and eats right. I'm not fond of her computer knowledge - it gets in the way of our conversations but I could teach her what she needs to know. The things I am not fond of must weigh into the equation so our relationship can grow.

Can I love her? - I believe I can.
I know I am capable of loving another easily.

soufiehere, I have to rate your response as negative. You really suggested nothing to me and did not expand on the premise of the subject. You failed to relate your own feelings or experiences to further the subject. I'm not sure why you even posted on my discussion?

You know...I never thought of doing that. I assumed that my intentions were clear but perhaps they have not been. As far as I know we have been honest in all our communications. I know she wants me in her life (she has told me that). I just can't figure out why she hasn't invited me over or called me back.

We have a pattern to our emails. Aside from the specific titled emails like History, Financial Status and Health, our emails are No Subject with hundreds of replies. She replies then I reply and so on.
I am currently awaiting her next reply. When she does I will include "The Question" in my forthcoming reply.

Pansytilly, Thank You! I found your reply inspiring and encouraging. Its simple and helpful. What a positive response!

When you open your topic to discussion people are free to post
their thoughts.

Even if you do not hear what you want to.
You do not rate people's responses.
You should always be happy they even bother.

Perhaps a little. I'm not even sure it is love yet? I know that it wasn't until we met face to face that I started wanting to be with her.
Its kinda funny because in chatting online I picked up a vibe that she was very stressed but when I met her in person she was warm and friendly and very into everything I said or did.

We decided to meet because we found we have a lot in common. I was born & raised in Pennsylvania - she was born and raised in New Orleans. Our differences compliment each other so there is enough to make things interesting but our desires and traits are similar enough that we just click.

Up until I met her personally I considered her as another online friend. Now, I can 'see' her as my best friend.

TMommy, I understand where you are trying to go with your reply. Believe me, I have had that happen a few times. This is different. Its even different from relationships I have had while meeting in real life. I just want to be sure that what I am feeling is not just a fascination of the feeling of being in love. I was kinda looking for responses that expound on the discussion topic title.

Edited for off-topic.

soufie
Site Moderator

in my humble opinion if you were really in love with this woman
you'd know it already


if you already know the only answers you are willing to hear why come on and post this question?


don't bother posting a paragraph in response
I already know the answer

Sorry but sounds like to me she is hiding something.. like being married or with someone...

You mentioned you are waiting for her response and she does only once or twice a day... To me that could be a sign she is not into you as much as you seem to be into her..almost like you are needy.

Maybe it is time to step back and look at the whole picture... Just sounds like there are some secrets on her part... And you may be jumping the gun thinking there is more to the situation then there really is...

This is sort of interesting as it develops. My first thought(s) were A) The decscription of this budding 'romance' sounds a lot like a job application~Detached and Clinical. Close behind that came the B) This gent spilled all his popcorn in the lobby.

I also agree with TxsGal-there's more going on on your paramour's side of the table than she's shared with you.

The responses from our Feminine contingent also rang a bell. There's a sense that your intentions or, at least, methods and conclusions, are suspect. Could it be that the lady you're in contact with feels something similar? I know that if someone gave me an 'interview,' regardless of how politely it was couched, my 'control issue' alarms would be deafening. I'm pretty sure 'women's intuition' exists. It's something to consider, at any rate. Your replies and rebuttals to some of the responses you got from folks suggest a desire to control, as well.


Trying to discover everything about someone and then pre-qualifying a relationship online takes away something valuable from a budding relationship-the thrill of discovery. Sharing personal info, dreams of the future, descriptions of what 'love-making is,' etc., is something best shared personally, imo.

Get out from behind the computer would be my first suggestion. Data points are quite different from emotional connections.

Good luck, partner.

No phone calls? Just emails? I agree, she is hiding something ....large.

Maybe you should stop calling and emailing altogether and see what happens. Wait for her to respond. Maybe no response is a response. It might sound harsh but it's just one idea I have.

my answer she isn't into you and she is hiding something or someone she don't want u to know about.sorry if it not what u wanna hear but we are women and we know the signs.to me you sound demanding and u forgive her for having hbp?????how can u forgive someone with a medical problem .it isn't her fault.geez.maybe u should step back take a look at u your faults your issues before judging.but on the love side if after 8 yrs u not together then either she don't like how ur with her or she really is hiding another partner or life and don't want u.she could just be hedging her bets.after reading your posts I think u need to do some work on yaself.before u play hell u put this on here so u wont get the answers u were hoping for-just truth sorry.

^^ this is a distinct possibility. That is why I said to just ask her directly the questions you are having on your mind.

Whatever her answers may be, it is up to you to judge whether or not you are prepared to continue on with the relationship or move on.

Either way, you are the best person to decide on the matter once you have all your questions about her answered. Since we are only hearing your interpretation of what is happening, our thoughts on the matter is based on that alone.

The hardest part is if you make a decision based only on your assumptions, without the benefit of knowing what is really going on. Just try to be slightly more objective about the matter first, before investing more than what you might end up wanting to.

another thing notice u only gravitate towards the answers that agree with u .the answers like soufies and mine u don't wanna hear and take as a form of attck.doesnt that tell u something?u put it wide open on forum u have to expect a mix of answers.as I said look in the mirror and be real about u your issues faults etc.we all do it at some point even if we don't like it.wake up smell the coffee would be my message yer on a road to nowehere cos she don't wanna go down that road.

Honestly OP...there is no way to really know since none of us are there and chatting with said woman...
The only way to get the down and dirty is to sit her down and politely ask here..
Years ago I was really interested in this guy the problem was my job if I wasn't actually working I was on call...Let someone know where I lived not going to happen..

I had to finally walk away because he couldn't understand I was giving all I had to him...

You do make a statement she was a bit more chubby than her pictures... Were you exactly like your pictures??