Other than in forums and especially on dating sites, why is it so hard to get people to talk. From my new and recent experience of this site and other similar social and dating sites ive found it very hard to get people to just chat, have a casual chat nothing else why is this? People put as headings on their profiles looking for friends and chat only, i/we see this and with the same in mind send a quick message to try start a convo. Wait, wait and wait some more. Log off, log on, person has viewed your profile but no reply, this is annoying why have profiles that state the chat and friendship when not actually looking for it. Are these people just wanting friends who are good looking, tall, rich and famous. Tell me peps since when has most of your close friends been any of the above most soz nearly all of my friends are fat, thin, ugly, skint, ex cons ect. Some are the opposite to this though I treat all of them the same, they are my friends and I would not change them. Back to the beginning looking for friends and chat shouldn't you be open to have a discussion at least especially if you've stated it on your profile. This really pisses me off I enjoy most of my chats with people on-line even if just a few lines on the one evening, oh there has also been a few not so good chats as well. All I say is if you put chat and friendship on your profile then please, DONT BE HARD TO TALK TO

Welcome to Mingle2

maybe when they view your profile it leaves them speechless. then, after they calm down they think, i'm just not good enough for him. OR you are just posting in the wrong threads for getting replies to your posts

i guarantee i guarantee that if you want a chat that will go on for days, find a topic in the political threads, or even better a religious thread. then post an opinion that differs with someone. you'll be replacing your keyboard often

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

Paragraphs...

Learn what they are, and use them.

To Bulldog and Rock:

tl/dr


one of you read this sucker and report back on what it says would ya

Honesetly I had to read this 3x before I got what you were saying
I get that you want friendships and want the love of your life..

Breathe my friend.. take several breathes and try this again.. I felt like you had this pent up inside for a while I got the emotions behind this.

So here are some pointers.. Have you ever heard you have 90 seconds to grab someones attention.. The trick to that is to engage them and leaving them wanting more... You appear so intense that this came out all in one breath.

Slow down come out in the forums play with us and let us get to know the guy that I hope isn't behind this essay but the person that can be laid back..

Also again I don't want to bash you but rewrite your profile if you have to use Word to get it grammarly correct. OR even to where we don't have to reread it several times to try to understand what you are saying..

Good luck out here

welcome to Mingle

Because people DON'T want to be talked to, they want to be listened to.

geez always one out there with high expectations

welcome to mingle...maybe try participating in the forums

IDK if the site's chat function is working yet, but if not that could explain some of the problem. A lot of us do not go off the site. I will onlt chat if the chat function on the site is working ... at least till I know someone pretty well. FYI

and, well, there has to be a reason for the conversation

Well if you mean chat on the phone then that is pretty simple. Most people are not going to give their private number to a total stranger because of the mountain of personal information that follows it. They want to talk when they are comfortable and you have not put them at ease.

Especially if your profile suggests that you are kind of whiney and someone who might be a pain in the neck attention seeker with a beef already about on line users and dating in general. Why attack people you don't even know that they are going to assume anything about you or reject you when your the norm for many on line that ultimately connect and date someone if they are local. Sorry I am not swimming across the pond for the most eligible bloke. Besides we see the crybaby type of person come and go every day so why take anything off the forums to a personal level? You fall on your own sword my young man. (Being young and male does not make you a commodity here.)

Sad but for all people know your some third world scammer that is trying to hide his poor communication skills saying you have and accent (English/Welsh?) with someone who's picture you swiped. Four posts is not much of a reference. Being a newbie just relax and get to know some folks and the ice will be a little easier to break.

Anyway good luck and Welcome to Mingle. Stick around a while the site will grow on you and you us: maybe.

it depends on the day and the message.
if all a person says is hi, that doesn't capture interest.

first join the forums. get to know people.

also, read the profiles. not everyone who is on here is searching for anything.

many of us just don't respond because it usually isn't just a simple message. you say no thanks and get interrogated about why not.
or there's the inevitable rudeness that comes from immaturity.

so your best bet is to have convo in the forums

Because people want to chat when they decide they feel like chatting.
Not when you feel like chatting.

People generally want to chat about what they feel like chatting about.
Not what you want to chat about.

People on dating sites that have looking for chat on their profile want to chat to those that are going to gratify them. People they are attracted to.
Not just anybody for any reason.

Not to mention, they may already be chatting with someone else when you try to chat with them and don't want to have more than one conversation with someone.


Sometimes.
Sometimes people just want to know they "could" date someone if they "wanted" to.
Sometimes people just want to feel desirable.
And if they chat to someone they are attracted to then they can tell themselves that's good enough to feel like they are wanted, desired, valued, and attractive.


There's that magic word people keep looking for.
"should."
"Should" refers to either one persons desire for what they want the world to be in order to accommodate them, or an attempt to apply logic based on limited understanding to complex human beings.

"Should" doesn't matter.
What is and what you are going to do about it matters.

I can say

being whining and demanding other people behave how you want them to will not generate all that many conversations except with others who do the same.

Very true I learned this when I was a bartender.

Or a therapist or sometimes even hookers will get that...

Yes, but that doesn't answer the OPs question ...

I think many ppl do want to chat, but that doesn't mean they want to chat with everyone.
There's got to be an interest, which is either peaked by
your message to them,
your picture and
your profile.

If they want to chat in order to possibly find a partner, distance is a factor as well. So if you live too far away from them, they may not be interested.

Oh, and posting a picture of you holding a baby might not be helpful.
It makes me wonder if it's an older picture of you and your child or ... that your a cheater... a young dad looking for something on the side.

I believe it does. Many people don't want some random person talking to them, they want to select the person/people they want to LISTEN to them. Reminds me of facebook. Your "friends" bombard you with every photograph, cartoon, and video they think is entertaining and endless descriptions of their daily activities. Yet, these posts are not intended to invite conversation. It is a one sided communication with one purpose - "look at my life and 'like' it" so I feel good about myself. There is no real interest in what you have to say. Again, these are your friends. Social media? Nothing more than an online scrapbook.

Furthermore, I can't understand why the simple "hello" is so quickly dismissed. Why write a book your target audience doesn't want to read? I can't attest to anyone else's experience, but all my "real life" social interactions began with the basic "hi". I didn't approach a lady and say, "hi, my name is _____ and I live _______. My interests are ______ and I do _________ for a living. I have _____ kid(s) aged _____, a pet named ______, etc., etc., etc.

This is indicative of my point - the person saying hello has had their interest piqued but is stonewalled as there is no real desire to engage in two sided conversations. By claiming the disinterest is based on a profile picture and a self inflating blurb that is not particularly fascinating are we not then guilty of judging books by their covers (and possibly dust jackets)? I mean, come on, they said hi, not let's get nekkid and rub our bellies together.

As further illustration - many will have negative thoughts or comments due to this narrative being more than some amusing one-liner quip.

People rightfully have their self defined "standards" and prejudices in determining the people with which they will communicate. But that shouldn't supplant civility. I'm sure that I live too far away to have a relationship with the majority of women on here. And I am too short, too fat, too hairy, too ugly, too old, too young, too low on the socioeconomic ladder, too boring, too you name it, to be deemed a suitable companion by many of them. But does that preclude meaningful conversation? Make me a pariah unworthy of social interaction?

I'm not advocating that one feel obligated to carry on a conversation with anybody that sends them a message, but this is supposed to be a social site. Just be gracious in your declining.

I don't know about anyone else.....I don't do small talk very well!

idle chit chat drives me up the wall