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| Topic: Betrayed or nah? | |
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Men and women are different. Men have the ability to lie/compartmentalize and women tend to tell the truth/see the bigger picture. This is true no matter what the agreement is in the relationship. I know, speaking from experience here. Your experience doesn't make it true for all. Certainly not for me. I have known liars AND honest people in both genders I feel bad for your experiences because you seem to generalize everyone because of it |
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If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? would have to hear his version, he may of been thinking something different... |
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ugh of course I am worried cheating is never okay. I can respect the honesty but how can we have a trusting loving relationship if he is starting off on the wrong foot. you know the answer to that question. if y'all agreed to BE in a relationship, AND y'all agreed it was a monogamous one, then the answer is dump his cheatin' ****? |
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ugh of course I am worried cheating is never okay. I can respect the honesty but how can we have a trusting loving relationship if he is starting off on the wrong foot. you know the answer to that question. if y'all agreed to BE in a relationship, AND y'all agreed it was a monogamous one, then the answer is dump his cheatin' ****? Ah...MK I thought that at first til I read more of the OP's story that comes out in bits and pieces... |
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after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something? yea in a nut shell I just hate being the last to know especially when I am being honest. |
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Men and women are different. Men have the ability to lie/compartmentalize and women tend to tell the truth/see the bigger picture. This is true no matter what the agreement is in the relationship. I know, speaking from experience here. I kinda agree with that it doesn't sound pretty but its the truth in most cases. I have girlfriends that have cheated on their bf and tell them thinking the would somehow he wud commend her honesty and magically forgive her. & my guy friends will cheat and lie about it because jus because they was drunk they think it doesn't count. I dnt feel that way but ppl out there really do. |
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Edited by
isaac_dede
on
Tue 04/21/15 06:54 AM
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after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something? yea in a nut shell I just hate being the last to know especially when I am being honest. that's the main problem, you assumed your actions would influence his, he was under no obligation to tell you, as you were under no obligation to tell him..... it's not that he was dishonest, he didnt need to tell you as you weren't in a monogamous relationship. so he didn't tell you, he may have thought you couldn't handle it (it looks like he was right) honestly at this point if you can't let it go I'd suggest he say goodbye to you...because it appears as if your grasping for a reason to be mad at him, perhaps as a guilt/trump card...I'd advise him to run |
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Edited by
SassyEuro
on
Tue 04/21/15 07:31 AM
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If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? I think you answered your own question by referring to the individual as ' mate' & the action as 'cheating'. It will always be on your mind as an offence. Which IMO, is not fair to you or this partner. Suspicion is not love it is fear & insecurity. Myself- I could not possibly be that attached so quickly. Or judge someone I don't consider I'm in a relationship with. Relationships are 'mutually agreed contracts'. |
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after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something? yea in a nut shell I just hate being the last to know especially when I am being honest. that's the main problem, you assumed your actions would influence his, he was under no obligation to tell you, as you were under no obligation to tell him..... it's not that he was dishonest, he didnt need to tell you as you weren't in a monogamous relationship. so he didn't tell you, he may have thought you couldn't handle it (it looks like he was right) honestly at this point if you can't let it go I'd suggest he say goodbye to you...because it appears as if your grasping for a reason to be mad at him, perhaps as a guilt/trump card...I'd advise him to run not guilt/trump, it's called control, and she wants it... |
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after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something? yea in a nut shell I just hate being the last to know especially when I am being honest. that's the main problem, you assumed your actions would influence his, he was under no obligation to tell you, as you were under no obligation to tell him..... it's not that he was dishonest, he didnt need to tell you as you weren't in a monogamous relationship. so he didn't tell you, he may have thought you couldn't handle it (it looks like he was right) honestly at this point if you can't let it go I'd suggest he say goodbye to you...because it appears as if your grasping for a reason to be mad at him, perhaps as a guilt/trump card...I'd advise him to run not guilt/trump, it's called control, and she wants it... 
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after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something? yea in a nut shell I just hate being the last to know especially when I am being honest. that's the main problem, you assumed your actions would influence his, he was under no obligation to tell you, as you were under no obligation to tell him..... it's not that he was dishonest, he didnt need to tell you as you weren't in a monogamous relationship. so he didn't tell you, he may have thought you couldn't handle it (it looks like he was right) honestly at this point if you can't let it go I'd suggest he say goodbye to you...because it appears as if your grasping for a reason to be mad at him, perhaps as a guilt/trump card...I'd advise him to run not guilt/trump, it's called control, and she wants it...
 maybe new features, anyway...
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If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? I think you answered your own question by referring to the individual as ' mate' & the action as 'cheating'. It will always be on your mind as an offence. Which IMO, is not fair to you or this partner. Suspicion is not love it is fear & insecurity. Myself- I could not possibly be that attached so quickly. Or judge someone I don't consider I'm in a relationship with. Relationships are 'mutually agreed contracts'. Op, just so you understand, just because you are sleeping with someone DOESN'T mean you are in a 'relationship' with them, or they with you... Although i have met some women who do hold that view...but if your view is that 'if i sleep with you, then we're in a relationship' that should be made clear before you jump in bed with him.... |
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If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? I think you answered your own question by referring to the individual as ' mate' & the action as 'cheating'. It will always be on your mind as an offence. Which IMO, is not fair to you or this partner. Suspicion is not love it is fear & insecurity. Myself- I could not possibly be that attached so quickly. Or judge someone I don't consider I'm in a relationship with. Relationships are 'mutually agreed contracts'. Op, just so you understand, just because you are sleeping with someone DOESN'T mean you are in a 'relationship' with them, or they with you... Although i have met some women who do hold that view...but if your view is that 'if i sleep with you, then we're in a relationship' that should be made clear before you jump in bed with him.... This ^^^ Men aren't mind readers. And they don't carry s list of each woman's (unwritten) rules. Imo- The minute a woman thinks she can change a man, is the minute she lost him. Vaginas are not magical. 
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least.
To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. |
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone.      
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. I guess since the guy is the dog, and because she was doing the same exact thing that would mean she is a dog(the female version) as well, who knows maybe she gave him fleas 
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. I guess since the guy is the dog, and because she was doing the same exact thing that would mean she is a dog(the female version) as well, who knows maybe she gave him fleas
That sounds like a good possibility. And the same absence of pity for the guy who cries his "*******" are gold diggers and cheat on him later. Can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. |
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. I guess since the guy is the dog, and because she was doing the same exact thing that would mean she is a dog(the female version) as well, who knows maybe she gave him fleas
It is not a slam against men... She is saying " We get what we settle for " & " what did you expect, with those standards " |
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Edited by
PacificStar48
on
Tue 04/21/15 09:09 PM
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. I guess since the guy is the dog, and because she was doing the same exact thing that would mean she is a dog(the female version) as well, who knows maybe she gave him fleas
It is not a slam against men... She is saying " We get what we settle for " & " what did you expect, with those standards " No not a slam on men at all. If a guy tells you more or less all he wants is to treat you like a rug to throw down on you can't get all prissy and crybaby when he walks on you or right out the door when something worth respecting is available. And don't kid yourself there is always going to be people with higher stands than what sounds easy/fun/and harmless at the moment. A little bit of sumthin/sumpthin doesn't keep a partner around for anything more than a booty call. Even if it is the only or best sex they have had to date they are going to figure if it is that easy to get it is nothing special. That goes for women and men. I have said for 50 years if guy sees a gal that doesn't respect him enough to have some standards with him she will always treat him like dirt because he showed her she could. There will always be high priced and low priced whores but if you buy in on either end of the spectrum you still have the same Rindstone Princess. |
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When a person defines a relationship as lite/easy/no strings then it is highly unlikely that the relationship is EVER going to be anything else. You set the value low it is unlikely to appreciate; or inflate; in any good way at least. To have heartburn because you get disappointed that someone lived down to "low standards" agreed to is like crying that the dog ate your sandwich you left on the coffee table. A dog is going to be a dog. Apology or confession that your a dog still makes you a dog. If you sleep with a dog you should at least expect fleas. Younger women that think they can pretend to be casual about their self respect and probable responsibilities should not be surprised when the get stuck with the puppies of whatever hound dog they messed around with while he is long gone. hey hey hey don't tlk about me like im not here.watch your mouth! I guess since the guy is the dog, and because she was doing the same exact thing that would mean she is a dog(the female version) as well, who knows maybe she gave him fleas
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