I would just like to say that my friend and I have never had any bellies rubbing or kissing of any sort. We have decided a long time ago to be mates and yes it is possible. Yes this topic came up last week and we both said that we don't think like that about each other.
We are like brother and sister nothing else. It is possible for two people of the opposite sex can be close friends without sex.

That does sound authentic and genuine. I'm glad you were able to find friendship, where it matters.

Annierooroo - you are the proof to this discussion thread :)

Somebody is withholding the truth! Why else would the topic come up? Sniffing around is what that is!

Between hetero same gender people?
Sure. No problem. That's just forming a social group between people with similar communication abilities.

Between hetero opposite gender people?
Sure. You can be friends without having sex. Your behavior is ultimately your choice and responsibility. Although it is going to be more difficult since communication is largely gender based, different, and geared towards mating rather than the social construct of "friends."
You can choose to not have sex with someone.

You cannot be friends without having sexual feelings developing at some point and influencing your behavior, at least indirectly.

That's just not how the human body works.
Gender exists for a reason.
Attraction and sex chemicals are on autopilot and tend to be gender specific, reacting to the opposite gender.
Your hormones are opportunistic and not under your direct conscious control. They never will be.

Not only that add in the "traditional" model of raising men towards suppressing their emotions, that emotions make them weak, to deny their emotions.

That tends to translate to "emotional knowledge retardation."

You have complex emotions. Humans do.
As a guy, you aren't supposed to really be mindful of them, only not show them. To "grow a pair," and, "man up," and just "do" something as opposed to wallow in them, define them, constantly express them and thereby learn the minute differences between them through thoughtful experience.

If you were raised as a male with any influence from traditional roles or models then you are going to deny a wide range of emotions.

People like to label and box things. Like "I'm angry. I'm hungry. I'm sad. I'm horny. I'm lonely."

Each has it's own, ingrained and trained appropriate response that are usually compatible to the emotion.

If you haven't been trained to have an appropriate response, you will simply fall back on the ingrained.
Which in this case is "woman, nice/accepting/sticking around = interested in me = mating opportunity."

Even if you were trained for a different response it is simply going to come into conflict, causing stress, with what is ingrained.
e.g. sublimating emotions with food. "I'm angry/sad = I'm hungry = I eat, rather than =I punch something and yell and whine and complain and find someone to commiserate with."


So you can be friends with a woman.
You will never be friends with a woman and be able to absolutely remove any sexual influence or motivation to your behavior.

It's the biological differences in the makeup of the brain which allow women to delude themselves they aren't affected by the same, inherent sexual impetus as men.

ding ding ding,,,LOL

And I'm not saying they can't be friends without sex, and I'm not saying that they have had sex. I AM saying that one, or both, does want the relationship to go down that path. Whether from the beginning or at some later point the thoughts develop, they develop. Acted upon or not.

Yes I do agree with you there are some cases like that. There is also cases like mine that are straight up friends only. If you don't believe me, you are more than welcome to see for yourself. No there is no computer connection between us and yes we live next door to each other.

I don't even understand how this is a legit question. Of course you can have a platonic friendship, I have many of them. What kind of a horn dog can't just be friends with someone without wanting to get naked with them? Are you completely ruled by your crotch?

It's worth saying you took an interesting approach to a broad question, specifically that of the human biological nature.

In addition, you brought up a lot of good points - that of high/low context societal cues, traditional gender roles, and individualistic preferences (we make our own choices and are responsible for them).

Given the effort and thought put into this answer (well-rounded), I believe your on to something here.

Thanks for your answer.

My very best friend is a guy...we do everything together...we have been friends for over 10 years..and he knows all my secrets as I know his..a lot of people don't understand why we don't just be a couple...over the years we have both at one time or another teased the thought...but we both value the friendship...sex would destroy the innocence of our relationship and we get along so well...I also think because I have children (all grown)...and he doesn't...if we became a "relationship".. His lack of understanding that my children come above everything would eventually destroy any chance of staying together...and honestly as long as we have been friends..I would feel like I was having sex with my brother..yuck..friends to the end..

Msmyka - I first laughed when I read your response as I sensed a sarcastic tone to it. To answer your question, and I completely agree with what your saying, I'm not "ruled by my crotch" (in case this question was directed at me).

I do want to note there are are a lot of great experiences and answers here :)

I think it's wonderful that you have such a friendship, that is meaningful and built on honesty (knowing each other's secrets), especially for 10 years.

It's assuring to know it does exist, even if it can be questionable at times. I'm glad both of you place a high value on what you have and keeping it.

I like to have sex with them first..
before deciding if they can be my friend..

Hmmm, it gets very complicated after you get married. We both had friends of the opposite sex and decided to let them go and put 'us' first.
What works for us may not work for others though.
And it is very hard for the friends to understand why .....

No, the sexual attraction will rear its ugly head sooner or later & for those who say "oh I've been friends w/this guy/girl for X years & we've never gone through that":

The other person is NOT telling you the whole truth about their feelings b/c they know you aren't attracted to them & they would get rejected, so they would rather keep their "attachment" to you in the lesser form if they can't get what they really want.

It's just a case of I can't have X so I'll settle for Y. You may be genuinely happy for them if they get into a R/S with someone but you can be sure they are pining away for you whenever you are in one.

As for the married folks: there is a reason "couples" mix with other couples - the inference is that neither set of "friends" would interfere with the pair bond of the other set (doesn't always work). Ask any married woman if she is okay with her pretty single friend coming over to her house when she is away & husband is home: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! She may love this woman like a sister but that's where she draws the line.

Human nature can be repressed & hidden, but never eliminated.

Classic argument - can't beat human nature. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading your post.

I have more men friends than I do women that is just a fact of life.
when I hang out with my guy friends there has never ever been an issue of something sexual come up.. IF the thought has crossed their minds they were wise enough to keep it themselves.Some of the best insight in myself and them has been long discussions on their outlook of life compared to mine.


I have been in hunting camps with men and anything sexual is the farthest thing from any of our minds...

I can't speak for any other woman on here but usually when a woman puts you a guy in the friends zone that is where you stay.. You are my buddy the one that I hang around with go fishing with, play football, all the things most of my GF's aren't into.. One you are put there with me then you stay there.. If that said person ever tried to come out of there it strains the friendship...

It's only your friends whom you can "REALLY" Schtup!

I think it's cool you have more guy friends, although I wouldn't necessarily say I have an equal amount of friends either.

That "strains the friendship" is what I question. We have all experienced friendship and I would argue why is it strain, but it should now be stronger. Perhaps it's not fighting for the friendship or giving in to immediate feelings (a confusion if you will) - nevertheless it's interesting to know you can have platonic relationships without compromising the quality and foundation. I would certainly hold on to those :).